THE POWER OF DIFFERENCE

 

 

THE POWER OF DIFFERENCE

 

LOSING MY ARMS

 

I lost both my arms just slightly above the elbows in a motorcycle accident when I was in college at the age of twenty-one. When I got out of the hospital and finished rehab, my life was totally messed up. I had been a decent-looking guy with a beefy, muscular, body, but I was pretty short -- only five foot six and weighed hundred and sixty-five pounds. I had black hair cut in a buzz cut and brown eyes to go with my olive skin. I was moderately hairy and loved showing off my body. I had been out and proud since I was 18, but of course, my family disowned me when I came out to them. I had a few acquaintances, but since I worked a couple of part-time jobs to put myself through college, I didn’t have much of a social life before the accident.

 

My physical recovery was pretty fast but my rehab experience was terrible. They attempted to train me in the use of prosthetic arms with hooks at the ends, but I never got the hang of coordinating both of them, plus they were very heavy and hot to wear, so I just concentrated on using the left one. I learned to pick up things and do simple tasks with the hook. But even concentrating on the left one, simultaneously coordinating my shoulder motions with the wrist joint, elbow, angle of the hook, etc. was really daunting. Finally, the rehab guys judged me not independent enough to live on my own, so I was sent to a halfway house-type place where there was assistance for people with physical disabilities. I was the youngest person there. Most of the residents were considerably older disabled folks. I had missed a lot of college work during my recovery and decided to drop out entirely, since I could no longer attain my goal of becoming a personal trainer or sports coach. I was depressed. I lacked self‑confidence and self-esteem. I felt helpless and vulnerable. When I went out in public, I felt like a complete freak. Other people always stared at me. I was also goalless and aimless. I had absolutely no idea what to do with my life. My only goal was to get through the day with as little human contact as possible.

 

The accident wasn’t my fault, the only good things to come of it was that I got a very handsome settlement from it, so handsome that if I managed it conservatively I’d probably never have to work again, which was a good thing because any decent job would require a person with arms and hands.

 

MEETING MIKE

 

My only physical activity was to walk a lot. I’d go out on these walks always wearing long sleeve shirts even in hot weather, in an attempt to look as normal as possible. On the left side the shirt sleeve covered up all of the prosthetic arm except for the hook itself, which I kept in my pocket mostly. On the right, I tucked the end of my empty sleeve into the pocket in a failed attempt to make it look like I had a right arm and hand, which of course it fooled nobody.

 

The place where I lived was close to the downtown area. I found myself walking by a fitness and boxing club more and more frequently, often stopping on the sidewalk for a couple of minutes to look through the windows at the guys inside working out. I was drawn to them because they were hot-looking, in great shape, and generally exuded a lot of confidence. In other words they were like I used to be. One day I guess I stood there longer than usual and a man came out and introduced himself as Mike. I said my name was Jake. Meeting new people was always awkward and Mike was no exception, he extended his right hand and then withdrew it when he realized I had a empty right sleeve and a left hook. He apologized for his mistake. I said no problem, it happens frequently.

“I’m the owner of the gym and I’ve noticed you looking in the windows a lot lately Jake. Would you like to come in and take a look around?”

“No, that’s okay, I was just passing by,” I said.

“Well the gym closes at six tonight but I usually stay around until seven cleaning up, so if you want to drop by later it’s cool,” he said.

 

I thanked him and went on my way. I wandered around for a while wondering if I should go back or not. Finally I did go back just before seven, half hoping he’d be gone. But the door was open and I went in. I didn’t see anybody so I waited a minute or two, then Mike came barreling out of the locker room bare‑chested wearing only cargo shorts. When he saw me he stopped in his tracks and just stared at me for a long moment and I stared back at his bare chest and legs. The beauty of his body took my breath away. He was more than six foot tall, had big shoulders, big pecs, big arms, and big hands, and muscular legs, all lightly covered with blond fur. In addition, he had dark brown hair trimmed in a buzz cut and his face was clean-shaven with a hint of stubble. In other words, he was the guy I had always dreamed about meeting before my amputations.

“Hey, you came back,” he said, “I was just about to leave.”

“Sorry, go ahead, I don’t want to bother you,” I said.

“No no,” he said, “I don’t have to be anyplace tonight, so it’s ok. Just let me put on a t-shirt here. Like I said earlier, I’ve been noticing you at the window. Even some of the guys have noticed you watching us work out, so I was just curious if you wanted to join or whatever.”

 

TELLING MY STORY

 

I told him I couldn’t work out any more and I shrugged my shoulders to emphasize my armlessness. I said that I had been watching vicariously to remember what it was like to be able to do all the stuff that I was no longer able to do. He said he obviously noticed my arms were missing and asked how long it

had been. I told him it had been 3 years. He asked me if I wanted to talk about it and I said no I didn’t want to trouble him and started to leave. He was nearest to the door and he went and closed and locked it, and drew the blinds on the windows.

 

“Hey Jake, it’s just the two of us here, we have complete privacy, no one will see us or interrupt us. Fact number one: obviously I’ve noticed your arms are both missing, which would be a huge trauma for anyone. Fact number two: the guys and I have noticed you standing outside watching day after day.

Fact number three: I don’t get the sense that you are okay with your situation. So why don’t you take as

 

long as it takes to get your story out. Believe me it will help to talk to someone. I’m a very patient listener and maybe I can help, or if not, point you in some other direction.”

 

THE GAY CARD

 

So I hemmed and hawed for a little while and in a shaky voice, I told him everything. I told him that basically my life was ruined. I told him that I lost my arms in an accident, dropped out of college, wasn’t having much luck mastering my hooks, didn’t really have any friends, and lived in a halfway house for the disabled. I told him about my lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, my sense of vulnerability, my feeling like a freak, my feeling useless and helpless, the whole nine yards. I had held all of this bottled up inside me for so long that it all just spilled out. After I was finished, I tried not to cry, but I sure felt like it. Mike didn’t say anything for a while.

 

Finally, he said “Wow! That’s a lot, that’s heavy, that’s an awful lot of stuff to be carrying around. While we’re at it, I think there’s one other thing you left out Jake.” I asked him what it was, not having any idea what he meant.

“Fact number four:  You’re gay, right?” I turned red as a beet.

“Oh shit! Is it that obvious?”

He laughed and said “No, it’s not obvious except maybe to another gay man. I saw you checking me out big time when I came out of the locker room bare-chested and I thought you were going to faint there for a minute. I’m gay too. I don’t go around broadcasting it, but I’m open about it if anyone asks.”

“I would never have guessed, Mike,” I said.

“Well we come in all shapes and sizes, Jake.” He was silent for a bit. “You came here looking for help or advice, didn’t you?

“I don’t know Mike,” I said reluctantly. “Looking in the window, you and your guys all look so strong, confident, and together. I was drawn to you all. That was how I used to be, strong and confident and in great shape.”

“Well, they’re a good group, serious and focused about fitness and taking care of themselves. He hung his head for a minute then looked up at me. “Do you or can you jog?”

“I used to, I haven’t since I lost my arms. I’m probably really out of shape now,” I replied.

“Well since tomorrow’s Sunday, why don’t you come jogging with me. We’ll take it slow. Afterward, we can talk some more and maybe get to know each other.”

“You sure you want to jog with me Mike, looking like I do?” I said.

“Hell yes man! You’re a damn good-looking guy, although you are a little on the short side,” he said with a chuckle. “But believe it or not, I actually like shorter guys like you, with or without arms,” and he winked at me.

I blushed and said okay and thanked him.

“One other thing, do you have a way of getting home tonight?”“I can walk,” I said,“No Jake. You better let me give you a lift. It’s dark outside and I don’t think you could defend yourself if someone were to hassle you. I can give you a ride home. Just let me grab my wallet and keys.”

 

So we went out and stood next to his Jeep Wrangler. He asked me if I could open the door and fasten my seatbelt with my hook and I said I could open the door but not fasten the seat belt. I opened the door and got in and he pulled the seat belt across my body and fastened it. In the process he touched my chest briefly and I could swear there was a spark of electricity between us and I felt a definite twinge in my dick. On the drive to where I lived, he chatted about his gym and fitness center. When we arrived, he parked, got out and went around to open the door and unhooked the seat belt for me and I got out. He reached down, grabbed my left hook, shook it firmly, and shot me a broad grin and said “Nice meeting you Jake. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning here, that okay?” I told him yes.

 

He showed up the next morning and picked me up, going through the routine of opening the door and fastening my seat belt for me. I was wearing my only remaining work out gear—a baggy sweatshirt, baggy sweatpants, and my old running shoes. I wasn’t wearing my hook and the sleeves weren’t cut off, so the sleeves hung down from my shoulders empty and flopping around. Mike was wearing running shorts and a tight t-shirt that showed off his muscular chest handsomely. He commented that it was pretty warm out and was I sure I wanted to jog in my sweats. I said it was all I had. He said he was sure he could find a t-shirt and shorts laying around the gym and started to drive back to the gym.

 

“Wait Mike,” I said. “I can’t get dressed and undressed by myself, so I’ll just wear this stuff.” “Nonsense,” he said, “I can give you a hand changing clothes” We went back to his gym and he found a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt. He pulled off my sweatshirt and when he touched my skin I could feel that electricity again and my crotch showed a little bulge.

 

With my sweatshirt off, he said “You checked me out big time yesterday. Now it’s my turn to reciprocate.” He broke into a broad grin as I stood there with my chest exposed and my stumps hanging down uselessly from my shoulders. “Well Jake, considering what you’ve been through, you’re in great shape -- your shoulders are firm and solid, your pecs beefy and well-defined, and you have decent abs. Tell me about your stumps. Can you move them much, put pressure on the ends, do they hurt?” I told him no they didn’t hurt anymore and that I could apply pressure to the ends and moved them around to show him they had movement. “Your stumps are still pretty beefy. You must have had muscular arms, Jake.” “Yes I was real proud of my arms. I worked on them a lot.” “Most guys want big guns, Jake. Big arms have always been a symbol for masculine strength, which is a shame because guys neglect other parts of their bodies, like their legs, for example. Also, in my experience, I’ve noticed that short guys often try to overcompensate for their shortness by bulking up their arms. Did you do that, Jake?”

“Yes sir, I guess I’m busted.” He helped me put the t-shirt on. It turned out to be a snug fit with the ends of my stumps sticking out of the sleeves. “Need help with the shorts?” I said yes, secretly praying I wouldn’t get another boner. He took off my shoes and sweatpants, and sure enough I started to get a little hard in my briefs and there was nothing I could do to hide it. In fact, there was a bigger jolt of electricity than before when he touched my legs. He said “Looks like you got a fine pair of legs there,“ as he pretended not to notice my semi and I pretended not to notice the bulge that was beginning to show through his jogging shorts. He pulled up the shorts and put my shoes on and tied the laces. He asked if I was ready and I guess I frowned because he asked what was wrong.

 

 

“Well, Mike, it’s just that I haven’t gone out in public like this before, you know, with my stumps showing.”

“Your stumps are nothing to be ashamed of Jake, they’re part of you now, for better or worse, and you’ll have to learn to get comfortable with them. You’ll be safe. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll be right there by your side the whole time,” he said and gave me a friendly punch to the shoulder. We drove to a jogging trail in his Jeep. We started jogging, running side by side at a slow pace. It was very weird at first.

Since I didn’t have arms for balance or protection, I was afraid of falling. And of course, there was my huge self-consciousness at having my stumps so visible. There were quite a few joggers out, many glanced at us and some even gave us a thumbs up. We must have looked like quite a pair, this tall, gorgeous hunk jogging alongside this short crippled guy. We jogged for awhile, then stopped to rest.

 

 

“You doing OK there, Jake?” Mike asked me.

“Yep,” I said, “I’m hanging in there.”

“Well Jake, as far as I could tell no one fell over in a dead faint from seeing your stumps,” he said with a big grin, “Just wanted you to note that.”

 

 

We jogged some more and he picked up the pace a little. At the end of the jog I was exhausted and we stopped at a refreshment stand and he bought us cold drinks and I sucked mine up through a straw. He told me to keep the t-shirt and shorts and that he went jogging three times a week and would like it if I joined him. I thanked him and said yes I would. He smiled, slapped me on the back and drove me back to the place where I lived.

 

 

We started jogging together three times a week. I quickly built up my endurance and self-confidence and my mental outlook improved a little. We jogged for about a month. He’d pick me up in the morning and drive me back afterwards. We’d make small talk during the drive. Then one day after jogging we went back to the gym and after he took off our sweaty t-shirts, he put his hands on my shoulders and said “Jake, I want to tell you something. We’ve known each other for about a month now. I want you to know that I like you a lot and I think maybe you feel the same way. I notice you get a hard-on every time I touch you and you’ve probably noticed I get one too. I just wanted to get that out in the open.”

 

 

I told him that I liked him a lot also and was very grateful for his help and support, but that I was curious why a hot guy like him would get turned on by a cripple like me. “Let’s talk about that later. Right now I just want to do this.” And with that he put his big arms around my shoulders and bent down a little to give me a tight skin-to-skin hug. I loved feeling his strength. I felt so safe in his arms. Of course I got another hard-on. I never wanted the hug to end and I wished I could to hug him back.

 

 

“Wow, that was intense,” he said after it was over.

“It sure was,” I replied as I noticed we both had tents in our shorts again. He asked if there was much I could do with my stumps. I said “Yes, I can pick up objects between the ends of them. A few really simple things like that.” “And with your hook?” he asked. “Some more basic things, I said. “I still need a lot of help, sad to say. Like I said, my rehab was very poor. They really just wanted to get me out of their hair.” “Wow, that is really sad,” he said. He put clean t-shirts back on both of us, gave me a hard pat on the ass, and I went on my way.

 

 

A DINNER DATE

The following week Mike proposed that we go out and have dinner at a restaurant. I balked at the suggestion and told him that I had not been out to a restaurant since losing my arms.

“Well then, it’s about time, yes?” He shot me a big grin and said “It’s time to start living again Jake.”

I reluctantly agreed. I told him my food had to be cut up into bite-size pieces, that I could manipulate a spoon or fork with my left hook, but somebody had to place the utensil in the hook’s grip first. I repeated that my use of the hook was still pretty awkward and sometimes it made movements on its own. He told me not to sweat it.

 

We went to a bistro that he knew. Fortunately, it wasn’t crowded and it was dark, thank god. He picked out a table in a corner for us to sit at. It went pretty smoothly. The only awkward moment came when I knocked over a water glass with my hook, but the waiter cleaned it up quickly and said not to worry.

 

After dinner, he asked me if I’d like to come back to his place and I nodded yes. He said he lived above the gym in a loft. He showed me around his loft and we chatted about it for a bit. I commented that living above his gym must be real convenient.

 

“Yes,” he said. “It’s convenient, but I probably spend too much time down there working out, tinkering  with the equipment, cleaning up. You know, it was my life goal to have a gym like this one, one devoted to multiple routes to fitness, employing boxing, martial arts, and weightlifting to help men reach their fitness goals.”

 

I replied that he had about the best body I had ever seen and that his training methods must work if he was an example of it. He just grinned and said thank you and part of it was his training method but that part of it was also due to lucky genetics. About this time my hook and arm stump were becoming uncomfortable so I asked him if he could help me take it off. “Of course,” he said and began to take off my shirt and my prosthesis. When he was finished, he took his own t-shirt off and we were sitting there bare-chested together.

 

 

“Man, you’re really not too shabby yourself,” he said. “Like I said before, I can’t believe what a good body you have, given what you’ve been through. You must have looked like a brick shithouse before the amputations and actually still do. You’re a hot guy Jake, with or without arms. You know that, don’t you?”

I shook my head. “No Mike, I don’t know that. I see myself as crippled, as ruined, and helpless. I don’t feel like a man anymore. Any sliver of self-esteem I used to have is gone.”

 

“Well Jake, maybe we can work together on that, if you’d like” and he gave me a tight hug, bare chest to bare chest. Once again there was that electricity and I know I got a boner and I sensed he did too. “See Jake, you’re still a man. Your dick still works just fine.” I’m sure I turned bright red.

 

 

“Jake, you know what my job is here—it’s to train men, physically and mentally to be the best version of themselves. I’m really good at it and produce excellent results, partly because I am highly intuitive. I have a feeling I could help you improve your situation and I would learn a lot about disability and about you. I’m becoming really fond of you, I think of you all the time. I think back to all the times I’ve touched and felt that zing and electricity between us. At the same time I’m helping you out with the “training,” I’d also like to begin a personal relationship with you. But let me make it very clear that you are the first disabled person I’ve ever known, either as a client or as a personal friend, so this will be a huge learning experience for me and I’m looking forward to it if you agree to this. I know this is a lot to digest, so don’t say anything yet, just think about, ok?”

“I don’t have to think about it Mike, the answer is yes! This is wonderful, Mike. Thank you very much.” I was so moved by his offer that I buried my head between his pecs and kissed his chest. He hugged me for the longest time.

 

ABOUT MIKE

 

A few days later, I asked Mike to tell me more about himself. He told me he was thirty-five and it had been his dream to have his own no frills gym for men who were serious about self defense and physical conditioning, sort of like an old-fashioned type gym. He had worked at various gyms in the past and didn’t like the “spa” atmosphere that they had and he’d finally opened his own place five years ago. He was a natural born leader and teacher and trainer, he said. He told me he also knew what it was like being a “freak” because he was one too. In high school, for example, he had always been larger, more

muscular, and better-looking than the other guys and they would often try and pick fights with him. So he learned martial arts as a way of dealing with punks who picked on him. Using martial arts he’d win every time he got into a fight and soon they started leaving him alone. Even as an adult, his looks and body always drew a lot of attention, but at heart he was a pretty shy and low-key type guy.

 

“Also, I want to try to explain the reason I am attracted to you: It’s because you are so different from me. I have spent most of my life looking for a lover or partner who was like me, but every time I’ve found someone like that it just didn’t work out. With guys like myself, we always wound up trying to compete with each other, rather than working together, plus there’s something narcissistic about having a relationship with someone who’s a carbon copy of yourself,” he said. “Finally, I began to realize it was  difference that was the basis for real connection, not similarity. I began to pursue men who were

different a couple of years ago and then you showed up. You are as different from me as I can imagine -- shorter, darker, younger and — and I’ll just say it, disabled, unfortunate but that is your reality. I want to stress that I like you for many, many reasons. You know Jake, there’s no explaining personal chemistry, it just is. You are one very unique man, Jake, and I want you in my life. I’ve never felt the electricity I feel when I touch you. Plus there’s something else.           Like I said the other day, I am an excellent trainer, plus I’ve had lots of experience training men and it would be a wonderful thing if I could help to train you or help you to be whatever you want to be now that your body is so different than it used to be. I would like that challenge and I would like you to move in with me. I think we are both sane enough to carry on a personal and a professional relationship at the same time.

 

MIKE, THE ALPHA MALE

 

“But before you decide on having a relationship, let’s just clarify a few things so there aren’t misunderstandings later. Why don’t we talk about sex and get it over with.” I nodded OK. “Have you had much sexual experience with men, Jake?”

 

I have to confess, I wasn’t looking forward to this talk because I wasn’t very sexually experienced and I figured with his looks and build Mike must be way ahead of me in that department. “Some, not a lot, mainly jerking off and sucking off men, mainly one night stands with casual sex, that kind of thing. I’m not into anal, I hope that’s not a deal breaker. I like looking up to big strong men. I like kissing, feeling a guy’s muscles, although I guess I’ll have to settle for feeling men’s bodies with my stumps or rubbing my face against his skin now. I was trying a little leather and bondage just before I lost my arms.

Ironically, I liked the idea of getting tied up and blindfolded. I also liked the idea of some verbal abuse and humiliation and got really turned on by it the couple of times a guy tried that out on me. I guess given the present circumstances that’s sort of weird, right?”

“No I wouldn’t say that, ironic maybe, but not weird, very little about what turns us on is weird. Whatever turns us on turns us on. Period. No Judgement here, Jake. The key is to take whatever turns you on or me on and run with it, play with it, have fun with it. Anyway, your story isn’t all that different than mine. I like jerking off, kissing, getting sucked off, not that keen on anal either. I like edging. And I like leather and bondage and S & M too sometimes, but playfully, not in a punishing way. And I have to admit that I get off dishing out a little verbal abuse during sex, but it’s meant playful way. While you probably think I am a sex machine with these looks and this bod, I haven’t been all that sexually active either, never met the right guy I guess, but now and then when I’ve met a guy I thought was promising we would get it on. But I know I keep repeating myself, but I’ve never felt the electricity, that jolt that I feel with you before Jake, ever. Every time I touch you I feel it. And it happens even when we just do routine stuff. I know you feel it too.” I nodded that I did.

“But the bottom line is that I’m a dominant guy, an alpha male. I get the sense that you’ve always been a more submissive man, even before your amputations. What that means for us is that in general I’m the leader and you are the follower. I make most of the decisions. I’m not rigid about this, but that’s my general nature. Are you OK with this Jake?”

“Yes sir, I am. You’re right, I was submissive before. I think short guys like me are usually more submissive, and we usually look up to bigger guys like you for leadership, decision-making, etc. And know that I’m a cripple, that makes me even more submissive and in need of a leader. So I guess I’m doubly OK with it, you could say.”

“Good, then we are in agreement on that. But let me just say that I promise never to take advantage of you or harm you. I’m here to love you, shelter you, see that you are safe, teach and train you in whatever way you want, and I’ll give you the space to be whatever you want with your present circumstances. Probably you’ll never be completely independent. If not then I’m here for you and will give you whatever help or assistance you need. I would like to see you a little more independent than you are now because I think it would help your self-esteem, but if you’re not it’s not a deal breaker. In the meantime or hopefully forever, my arms and hands are your arms and hands when you need them.”

“So Jake, I take it that’s a yes to our new adventure together?” “YES!”

 

CAN YOU MASTURBATE JAKE?

 

Mike wanted me to stay over at the loft one stormy night. He said I could sleep in the spare room. “I’d just feel better if you were under my roof tonight,” he said. When we settled in he opened a couple of

beers for us, put a straw in mine, and we sat down on the sofa. “Hey Jake, I’ve been dying to ask you a question, but I’ve been putting it off.” I told him to ask away. “Since you lost your arms, you haven’t been able to touch yourself? I don’t just mean your dick, although I mean that too, but I mean your body, your muscles, what I’m trying to say is that you can’t really touch or feel any part of your body like you used to, right?

“No Mike, I can’t, that’s one of the worst things about my situation. You can’t really touch or feel your body at all.”

“And you can’t masturbate at all or at least not satisfactorily?”

“No Mike, this is so humiliating I almost can’t talk about it, but no, I can’t really get much satisfying release by myself. I don’t have a large dick anyway and my stumps don’t reach that far down. I’ve tried all kinds of other ways of jacking off, like playing with my dick with my mouthstick, fondling it with my hook, rubbing it against a mattress or the floor or a door jamb or sticking it between two sofa cushions. I’ve even trying to jack off with my feet, but my legs aren’t that flexible. If I rub hard enough against something I can cum sometimes, but I’m not that hard and it doesn’t feel that great. Plus its exhausting. I have to expend so much energy to get to the point that I can shoot that it doesn’t seem worth it. It’s not at all like it feels when you do it with your hand. And then there’s the mess that has to be cleaned up and that’s a bit of challenge for me too obviously. So for three years, I haven’t really been able to masturbate very successfully at all. I feel constant sexual frustration and tension. And of course it goes without saying that I haven’t even tried to find sex partners because I feel so freakish. You know, I used to masturbate all the time, like most guys I guess. Usually it was two times a day. I used lube to jack off and it felt so good. And sometimes I’d have casual sex with a guy I’d meet. But now…”

“Shit! Man, I am so sorry to hear that. I figured that might be the case. Thanks for telling me about it. Jake, I want you to know that since I first met you, I’ve been jacking off twice a day thinking about you. I just wanted you to know that. We’ll talk more about this later, but for now know that anytime you need release I’m here with my hand for you. You must be exhausted, so let me put you in the spare bed for tonight so you can get a good night’s sleep,” he said.

He led me to the extra bedroom and tucked me in real good. Then he kissed me good night and left the room. I fell asleep instantly.

 

CHOWING DOWN

 

The next morning Mike came in, naked except for his briefs, to wake me up but I was already up. “You ready for breakfast, stud?” I looked around to see if there was anybody else in the room.

“You mean me? I thought you were the only stud in these parts Mike.”

“Yes fucker, of course I mean you. You may be short and armless, but you’re a still hot guy, and don’t ever forget it!”

He went to make some breakfast for us and called me when it was ready. He asked me if I wanted to be fed but I said I could feed myself. He might as well see now how I usually ate, which was like a dog, directly off the plate without utensils and I told him I hoped he wouldn’t be too grossed out by it. He placed a bowl of cereal in front of me and I started slurping it down. When I was finished, he grabbed a napkin and wiped down my face and cleaned up the bit of spillage on the table. I looked over at him and he had a shit-eating grin on his face and a hard-on in his briefs. He said “Damn it , you little fucker, that was really hot. Am I going to get turned by every single thing you do?”

“I hope so,” I said, “I like turning you on! Actually I’m just glad you weren’t grossed out by me.”

“I’d never be grossed by you Jake.

He ate his cereal and cleaned up the kitchen.

 

MOVING IN

 

So after we’d had our sex talk, jack-off discussion and alpha male talk, I felt really good about moving in with him. Finally the day came and he moved my stuff. Mike moved my few belongings into the loft. I felt like this was a new beginning for me. I said I was a bit overwhelmed by all these changes and would like to just rest for a while, so he put me in the spare room and shut the door. I woke up about time about dinnertime and he ordered some takeout for dinner.

 

“Jake, can I feed you?” he asked when it arrived. “I’d really like to, it would be a very intimate way of sharing our first meal together in your new home.”

“Ok Mike, that’s cool, but I want you to remember I can eat by myself. You don’t have to feed me.”

“I know, I know. I just wanted to get things started here on a real special basis is all.

 

He went ahead and fed us both dinner. He used his right hand to feed me, while his left arm was around my shoulders. It was really intimate and I don’t think I had ever been felt so cared for by another man before. After dinner, he led me by my left stump to the sofa where we both sat down and he put his arm around my shoulders again. “I love touching you, Jake,” he said, “and one reason I love doing it is because now I know you can’t touch yourself. The other reason is what I keep saying—I feel this

electricity or chemistry with you that I’ve never felt with other men. With your permission, I plan to do a lot of touching you now that we’re living together. “Mike, I absolutely like being touched and don’t think I get ever get enough of it.”

 

 

“Now, there are a couple of things I’d like to talk about now that you’ve moved in. One is I usually go bare-chested in the loft. I like wearing shorts or jeans but I don’t like wearing shirts. I’d like you to do the same Jake, go shirtless but wear shorts or jeans. That okay?”

“Sure,” I said, “if that ’s what you want, but you’ll be seeing my stumps all the time.”

‘Well, man,” he said. “I like looking at you and I like looking at your stumps. They’re what’s unique about you and I especially like when you move them around when you’re talking, like regular guys do with their arms when they talk. I know you think your body is ruined or damaged, but I think it’s beautiful and I want you to think so too. I know it’ll take some time.”

“The second thing is I want to dress you everyday, put you in t-shirts that show off your chest muscles and stumps and wear shorts that show off your strong legs. That okay?” “Yes,” I said. “I’m cool with that. You know I need help especially getting dressed.

 

MAKING ME FEEL GOOD

 

After dinner, we got up from the table and Mike walked over to me and hugged me from behind and kissed my neck. He reached down and felt my crotch and I immediately began to get a hard-on. He massaged it briefly, saying “That’s my boy! I want you hard as a rock, Jake. I’m going to make you feel really good tonight. Just relax and enjoy the ride.” He put his big hand on my stump and guided me gently into the bedroom and stood facing me. “Now Jake, I’m going to do all the work here, understood?” I nodded yes. “First, I’d like to blindfold you, it will heighten the experience, you OK with that?” I nodded yes and he slipped a leather blindfold over my eyes. “Now I’m going to undress you

slowly.” He took off my t-shirt and began playing with my nipples, rubbing my shoulders and playing with both stumps. His hands felt so good on my body that I almost came in my pants but managed to hold it. He took my face in his hands and kissed me deeply and hugged me real tight.

 

 

He unbuckled my belt and let my pants drop to the floor and I stepped out of them. He touched my hard dick with a finger just enough to arouse me a little and make me ache to feel his whole hand on me down there. He pulled my boxer shorts down and looked down at my crotch. “Nice stump you got down there too man. You got three really nice ones.” He pushed me backwards and I fell on the bed and in a flash he was on top of me. He sat back up and began to slowly massage all of my entire body except my hard-on. It felt so damn good to feel his hands on me—I hadn’t felt hands on my body since my arms were cut off—and I almost came again, but held it. Then he kissed me deeply again, licked my nipples and I heard him grab something from the nightstand. I was already feeling totally ecstatic and when I felt his lubed up hand start to stroke me very slowly, God, it was heaven. He gradually increased the speed until I came with an explosion and a roar. He collapsed on me and stayed there hugging me. He unzipped his jeans, pulled out his dick and started jacking off over my body. He came almost immediately. Finally he got up. Our cum was all mixed up and all over both of us. He cleaned us both up with a damp washcloth. “My God! You really needed that, didn’t you, son?” I nodded but couldn't speak. My whole body was in this delirious, erotic haze. “It’s OK Jake, just lie there, maybe take a nap,” he said as he pulled the sheet over my naked body, leaving the blindfold on.

 

giving

When I woke up a little later, I could sense that he was right beside me. He put his arms around me and asked if I enjoyed it. I replied. “It was the best orgasm I’d ever had. You were right, the blindfold really helped me focus on the sensations you were giving me.” “Yep, it does. Let’s keep it on a little longer.” He took my stump and helped me stand up and started playing with my dick again and it started to get hard a second time. “Looks like you’re ready to go again, stud,” he said and pushed me down on the bed and got more lube and started working me over. It took me a little longer to get off but I came after a bit. Afterward, I felt totally drained. He cleaned me up again and whispered in my ear. “Remember, my hands are your hands from here now on.” Man, it felt so good to have a pair of hands again, even if they weren’t mine.

 

SETTLING IN AT MIKE’S LOFT

 

I spent the first week just sort of settling in, getting used to Mike’s routine, figuring out what I needed help with and what I could manage on my own. I made a deal with myself that I would become as independent as my situation would allow. When we’d been together up to this point, Mike had always taken time off from his gym duties, but now that I had moved in he couldn’t do that anymore. I would be alone in the loft often and I needed to think up ways of doing stuff on my own rather than asking Mike to come up from the gym and help me.

 

 

When the first week was over, Mike came back from the gym, apologizing for having been so busy during the week. He kissed me all over and put his hand in my crotch to stimulate my dick, which responded instantly. He slapped the leather blindfold on me and led me to the bed and said something about “edging”. He played with me and stopped, started again and stopped again, keeping me on the edge of cumming but telling me not to. Finally he said “Do it!” and I exploded in a loud roar all over him.

When I could finally speak again, I said, “Man, you are so right about the blindfold. Not being able to see makes you feel everything more intensely.” “Then I’ll make sure to keep it handy,” he said with what I imagined was an evil grin, because of course I couldn’t see him. “Let’s keep it on for a while. Jake. You look so hot with it on. Man, I really missed you this week, missed seeing your handsome face, your compact muscular body, your stumps waving about, all of you.” I tried to hug him, but my stumps weren’t long enough. “I have an idea, Jake. Use your stumps to jack me off! Do something useful with them!” he said laughingly. “Absolutely Sir. I’m on it.” He spread some lube on his dick, then I bent down and found it, got it between my stumps. He got hard real fast as I stroked him faster and faster and he came all over my chest. Afterwards, he held me real tightly and cleaned us both up and said “Hey stud, I just wanted to tell you I liked that stump job a lot.” I said “That’s the first time you’ve let me pleasure you, stud. What gives with that?” “Well son,” he said. “I guess I’m just used to getting myself off, having control over my body.” “Shit Mike, I’ve always been good with my mouth, I’d love to have your cock in my mouth and swallow your cum.” “Ok son,” he said, “let’s do it now.” He took a hold of my head and guided it down to his crotch. I felt around with my tongue and found his hardening dick and enveloped it with my mouth. He gripped my head harder and started moving it back and forth until he exploded again—this time in my mouth—and laid back on the bed. “Man,” he said. “That was incredible. I’ll give you one thing, stud. Your mouth sure isn’t crippled!” He stripped off the blindfold and led me to the kitchen where he popped open a couple of beers. I held mine between my stumps and sipped it slowly, my face sporting a silly grin the whole time.

 

Armless Jake Meets Armless Robert

 

“Jake, there’s someone I’d like you to meet,” Mike said one day. I asked who it was and he said “It’s another man without arms. He’s older than you and me, probably about forty-five or so and he lost his arms as a teenager. He doesn’t use prostheses but is adept at using his feet and legs for just about everything. He’s from another city and I met him from an online blog about disabilities and I thought I’d invite him over to stay for a couple of days to see if he has any tips that you might find useful.” “Sure Mike, I’d love to meet him. I’d definitely go for it.” Mike invited him to spend a couple of days at the loft. We picked him up at the train station. He was short like me, had a lean and trim body, salt and pepper buzzcut, and a beard with some gray in it. He looked like he had either no arms stumps or very short ones. He greeted us warmly and Mike hugged him after asking whether that would be OK. “I wish I could shake your hand ,son, but you know how it is,” he said laughing. We collected his bag and drove home in the Jeep. I told him that I’d been armless for about three years and had never met another armless guy before. “Well son, we’re a pretty rare species. I’ve been this way for thirty years, since I was fifteen, and I’ve only ever met a few.” I asked him how he lost his arms and he said in a bicycle accident and that because he was young he adjusted to it pretty fast and quickly learned how to use his feet as hands. They tried to get him to use prosthetics but he never liked them. I said I’d tried and agreed. I didn’t like them either.

 

After we got home, I said it didn’t look like he had any arm stumps, since his shirt sleeves looked empty. He said he actually did have stumps, but they were only about two inches long on each side, not long enough to be useful. I asked him if he could move them and he said yes a little. He said I looked to have excellent stumps, down to the elbows. He asked me if I could move them so that ends touched and I said yes and I picked up a nearby coffee mug to show him. He said that I was very lucky to have such great stumps, not only long but also muscular. I flexed my stump muscles for him and he laughed and it said that it turned him on. I beamed at that and said “So I guess your short stumps were why you had to learn to use your feet” and he said “Yep, it was that or the damned hooks.” Mike made dinner and Robert used his feet to eat, which fascinated both of us. After dinner, we talked some more. Robert said he was tired and Mike showed him to the guest room. We went to bed too and Mike whispered in my ear that he was pretty good-looking and if we wanted to get it on the over the next few days he was totally OK with that. I kissed him and went down on him, giving him an awesome blow job.

 

The next day, Mike headed off to the gym after breakfast, leaving Robert and me alone all day. I was bare-chested and after Mike left, Robert said “Hey man, you have a helluva body for an armless cripple, and not only that, you are a very handsome man.” “Thanks,” I said. “But wait a minute, who you calling an armless cripple?” “I’m calling you a fucking armless cripple, dude, and I can do that ‘cause I’m one too. Can I rub my face all over your muscular chest?” I nodded yes and he started rubbing his face all over me, softly biting my nipples with his mouth. The sensation of that plus feeling his beard all over me gave me an instant hard-on. “Take your shirt off so I can see your useless stumps,” I said. “Gladly,” he said, “I want you to play with my fuckin’ little useless stumps, make ‘em feel good.” “You don’t have much left up there, they just look like just nubs to me, not really stumps.” “You got lucky, boy. You got two pretty long stumps, like I wish I had. Now use ’em to play with my chest, fucker.” So I did, massaging his chest and little stumps with the ends of my stumps . “That feel good, Sir?” “Yes boy, that feels very good. Now lick ’em, bite them gently.” I did that as well. “Now, boy. Get down, undo my pants and put your mouth on my dick.” I got his pants pulled down and fished  his hard dick out and went to work. After he came, he said “God damn boy. You take orders real well. I could get used to this. Now, stand up and kiss me.” I stood up and kissed him deeply.

After we recovered from our little fling, I said ‘I can see why it’s easier for you to use your legs, because your whole body is lean and fit. You look a lot more flexible than I am”. “Yeah, I am. Your body is built like a brick shithouse, if you don’t mind my saying so.” “That’s what Mike says too,” I said. “But it sure is hot to look at,” he replied

 

JAKE AND ROBERT GO OUT FOR COFFEE

 

“Hey cripple, there a coffee place around here?” Robert asked after we got dressed again. “Yes cripple, there is, next block over.” “How do you think they’d react to two armless cripples descending on them, boy, one who drinks with his feet?” “I don’t know Sir. Let’s find out.” We set off for the coffee house. When we got there, Robert strode proudly up to the bar to order two coffees and paid for them with a credit card he pulled out of a pocket low on his pant leg with his foot. The barista took it and handed it back to him without missing a beat. He asked Robert if he’d like them delivered to our table and Robert said yes.

“Robert, this is pretty cool hanging out like this, two armless dudes on display!” “Yeah it is, son. I like to go to new places and see how people react. I’ve had thirty years of doing observing how people react to me and nothing bothers me anymore.” “I’m trying to get there, but it’s hard to be stared at, and probably pitied by some people. But Mike has tried to help with that by telling me I should be proud of who and what I am. I think I’m getting there slowly. It gets a little easier every time, but I gotta get out more.” “Good for you boy, and good for Mike. He seems like a good man and he sure is gorgeous to look at. You hit the jackpot with that one!” I nodded yes.

 

When we got back to the loft, Robert turned to me and said, “Jake, I don’t think I can teach you very much about living without arms. Everybody’s body and amputation level and experiences with rehab are different. What applies to me doesn’t necessarily apply to you and vice versa.” “I have a question for you Robert. How do you jack off?” “That’s the sixty-four thousand dollar question isn’t it? Everybody wants to know that, right? There’s no right answer to that. Every armless man has to try to find a solution to that by trial and error. With my little nubs, I can’t even begin to touch my dick with them. My legs though are very flexible from thiry years of using my feet, so I can jack off with my foot pretty well without too much discomfort, but I also have a wall-mounted sex toy that is made specifically for jacking off that I prefer to use. I don’t have a steady sex buddy I can rely on, so that’s how I do it. Of course, many gay men will readily help you out if you ask them too, but some are too rough or others are too gentle and I prefer to work myself over instead. But I sure did like you goin’ down on me this morning. You’re good with your mouth, son”. “I gotta be. It’s about all I got that works,” I laughed.

“So, Jake, why don’t we just hang out and terrorize people and have some fun with each other’s crippled bodies?” I said “Sounds good”, so that’s what did for the couple of days he stayed here. We went out in public, two armless men, me with my longer stumps in full view and he with his little nubs showing, both of us wearing tight sleeveless t-shirts. For the next two days, we went to the beach, the park, coffee houses, even a gay club. All kinds of people came up to us and asked questions, like how did you lose arms, what happened to you, and so on. In the gay club, a hot guy approached us and said if we ever needed a hand with anything to call him and stuffed business cards in the waistbands of our pants. Then when his stay was up, Mike drove him back to the train station.

 

I told Mike about our adventures and he was excited I’d made a new friend. He said it was good for me to get out on my own and have fun. I said it actually was fun to go out and show myself off, that it was like coming out of another closet. He said “Exactly!” and kissed and hugged me. “And if you ever do need a hand that’s not mine, call that guy! So I guess you didn’t get any tips on how to live better without arms, but you did have fun flirting with people. That’s really great, Jake.”

 

THE TRAINING

“Okay Jake, let’s get serious about your training here. I’d like you to come down to the gym today and start an adaptive fitness and self-defense program. My trainer and I have l put one together for you, part of which will involve a few lessons with a kickboxing guy who also works out at the gym. In your situation, about the only weapons you have are your legs and maybe learning some self-defense kicks will help you feel more confident and less helpless and vulnerable. There will be some adapted weight training and boxing too. How does that sound Jake?”

 

I said that sounded great. “Undoubtedly there will be some trial and error to see how we can adapt our equipment to a guy with no ability to grasp anything, but I’m confident we’ll solve that problem,” Mike said. So I started going downstairs to Mike’s gym. He introduced me to his trainer and some of the members. Everybody seemed friendly. Many offered to help me anyway they could. Mike and the trainer had found some inventive ways I could use some of the equipment by devising leather straps and devices that could substitute for my lack of hands, and while we were starting with light weights, at least I was finally working out again. Also I started the kickboxing training. Mike made me some leather stump gloves so I could box on the speed bag and the heavy bag. As the weights increased and I put on some muscle mass, my self-esteem rose and I was thrilled! I felt almost like a regular guy again, Yeah, I was still crippled, but I felt better about it. Mike noticed too, saying my torso was really filling out and I seemed a lot more confident.

 

BEING USEFUL

 

When I began working out at the gym, I told Mike that I wanted to be useful, that I wanted to start doing as much of the clean-up of the gym and the loft as I could. I told him I’d been practising using long‑handled cleaning tools like mops, brooms, sweepers, vacuums and was getting pretty good at it. “Since they have long handles, I can use my shoulders, neck, stumps and armpits to control them.” I showed him how I did this by pulling a broom out of the closet and sweeping up a bit of the floor. “That’s fantastic, Jake,” he said, “That’ll take much of the burden off me having to keep things clean.” “Well, Mike, that’s the least I can do. I mean, look how much you’ve done for me. I want to start tomorrow, ok?” He nodded yes.

 

So I started cleaning the gym every evening after it closed. I spent an hour or so every night doing routine cleaning, doing a more thorough cleaning on the weekends. Mike helped out with tasks I couldn’t handle, but with time they became fewer and fewer. It really made me feel good to be useful and it opened up a new job horizon for me: Janitor! I’m not kidding! I even branched out and helped clean my kickboxing instructor’s studio twice a week.

 

YOUTUBE RESEARCH

 

Despite my training and cleaning activities I still had lots of free time, so I used Mike’s computer to research information on how armless men coped with their situations. I discovered a lot of YouTube videos on this subject and compiled a folder of maybe eighty videos. I binge-watched them and holy shit, they were freakin’ amazing! Men with all different levels of double arm amputations were shown doing all kinds of things using their mouths, chins, necks, shoulders, stumps, feet, and legs to manipulate objects and do ordinary tasks. Sometimes they did stuff by strapping on tools or devices to what was left of their arms.

 

I noticed in all of them not only the ways they used their bodies, but also the confidence and pride they showed on camera, especially the showing off and mugging for it, like they knew they were unique and hot. I wanted those feelings for myself more than anything. I dove into this challenge with more fervor than I had ever done with anything before in my life. I started practising many of the things they did around the loft. I showed some of the videos to Mike and we spent almost a whole weekend watching them. He was as amazed as I was at what all the amps in the videos could do, many without using prostheses. He was so turned on by this he threw me on the bed and massaged me all over before he jacked me off real good.

 

BECOMING MORE SOCIAL

 

Gradually, as my self-esteem and confidence grew, I became outgoing, chatting up other guys working out there and made a few friends. Mike noticed this and said it was time for us to start going out in public more often and we did. As long as Mike was with me, I had no need for wearing my hook and got comfortable with my stumps being visible. People still stared at me often, but it didn’t bother me as much as it used to. We frequented a gay club where a lot of leather guys and uniform guys hung out and we made some friends there too. I even saw the guy that offered to give me and Robert “a hand” if we ever needed it and chatted with him more.

 

A YEAR LATER

 

It’s now been abut a year since I met Mike on the sidewalk in front of his gym and my life has totally changed. For starters, I feel good about myself. Not only am I not ashamed to have stumps for arms, I am actually proud of my stumps because I have learned to use them to do more things. And I’ve learned to use them in conjunction with the other parts of my body so I’m not quite so helpless anymore. Rarely resorting to using my hook is a major accomplishment.

 

Another major accomplishment was my rapid rise up the kickboxing belt system, becoming a black belt recently. I worked really hard with the trainer. Mike hooked me up with him and after I got the black belt, he hired me as a part-time instructor, teaching kickboxing to adults. He said that I was the first armless martial arts instructor he’d ever heard of. Imagine that!

I guess the bottom line is that I am still dependent on others for many things, but not as dependent as I was when I first met Mike. He still likes to feed me and help me do stuff. That’s a big part of the intimacy we’ve developed. I owe a lot to Mike, my big handsome strong partner. He has stood beside me this entire time encouraging me to adjust to my situation with a positive attitude and accepting who and what I am. And I have accepted that proudly, thanks to him. He too is really proud of what I have accomplished and it doesn’t hurt that he is totally turned on by the fact that I am very different from him. I asked him why he took me in and befriended and trained me. He said it was because I clearly needed help and he wanted to use his skills to do something good in the world.. What a generous, loving man. I am so lucky. Actually, I think we are both really lucky.

 

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