OneOff - the sequel to Thirstysomething (Dec 2021)

 

O N E O F F

 

 

 

A N   U N L I K E L Y   T A L E

B Y   S T R Z E K A

F O R   S T E V E N   P.

 

 

PROLOGUE

 

Conrad Alton and Colin Colby had founded a popular bar staffed by arm amputees, trading as Thirstysomething. During the first year, both young men had lost their legs, either accidentally or by design. They were both quadruple amputees completely reliant on artificial limbs. Conrad was inspired to expand their success by founding a new bar.

 

J A N U A R Y

 

Saturday, January the second, 2027 began like any other weekend day. The crew were in place and ready ten minutes before midday, decked out in their uniforms, a navy blue T-shirt with the Thirstysomething logo on the front and back. Colin and Conrad had been inside for over an hour going over a new business plan which Conrad had initiated a bit before Christmas.

            – So if the Nepalese restaurant moves out at the end of the month, the two adjacent properties will be empty?

            – Yup. Then we rent them both, knock them together and have a nice big bar with a nice big space for our pegleggers to run around in.

            – Are you sure the walls can be knocked down?

            – Yeah, I looked into that. It’s not a retaining wall so the whole building won’t fall down and the leaseholder said he doesn’t care what we do as long as we pay the rent.

            – And will we?

            – Don’t say things like that, mate.

            – Well, of course we’ll pay the rent! I meant, are you sure it’s the right place for the sort of bar we have in mind? I know it’s on the High Street and so on but High Streets are dead after the shops close, what there are left of them.

            – But look at what happened when we opened Thirstysomething. No-one wanted to hang around Station Road before we opened. Now there are other shops opening up nearby, not to mention that bastardly wheelchair shop. There’s no reason OneOff couldn’t turn Central Arcade back into a popular venue again.

            – OK, well, that’s not what we’re opening for but I get your drift. And you reckon three hundred square meters is sustainable?

            – I sort of blackmailed the landlord. I told him that if we didn’t get the Nepalese place at a fifty percent reduction, we’d sue him for whatsit.

            – And what’s whatsit?

            – Not renting because we’re a bunch of cripples.

            – Discrimination against the disabled, you mean.

            – Exactly.

            – And what did he say?

            – He just looked like he’d shit his undies and agreed.

            – Vicious!

            – Well look, the place next door has been empty for two years, the second floor is practically empty. So I reckon that although the guy needs money, it’s better we rent something from him than no-one rents nothing.

            – Anything. Alright, I get your point and I agree with you. Let’s have a look at those floor plans. Looks like there’s already a kitchen in place, so that’s a plus and the place must have a loo too. What used to be here next door?

Colin dropped his hook onto the blueprint.

            – Some clothes shop.

            – Looks like an open space, so that’s good. OK, let’s hire an architect and show him this stuff and explain what we want and it should be plain sailing. What’s the inside going to look like? Dark and mysterious like Thirstysomething?

            – No, let’s try something new. I want it to look like it was designed by Eero Saarinen and Le Corbusier with furniture and fittings by Alvar Aalto.

            – And is that a good thing?

            – It is indeed. Well, Sixties style. But we should do it like that. It’ll look like an old sci-fi film set.

            – Well, assuming you know what you’re talking about – because I don’t – let’s go ahead with that. And how about the staff? We’ve agreed on peg legs all round. Where are we going to get personnel who wear peg legs?

            – I don’t think we’ll have much of a problem there.

Conrad waved his hooks in the air, gesticulating.

            – All around us are hundreds of guys who have been denied work because of a stupid little thing like a missing leg.

He slapped his stubbies with his arm sockets.

            – All they need is an opportunity to shine and they blaze! We put the word out that we’re looking for new legless bar staff. I don’t want to broadcast the terms and conditions just yet but I have an idea which won’t leave us out of pocket, probably. What do I know? I’ve only been legless for two months.

            – Stubbers will help.

            – For sure. And when Stig and Buck turn up, I’ll ask them if they know anyone. Jeez, just think if they’re willing to join us themselves!

            – Ha! Our two most dedicated customers becoming our employees. Wow! That would be quite something. Let’s ask them the next time they rock up.

 

They were talking about the two leathermen who had made themselves a home from home in Thirstysomething. Both had been in the army in Afghanistan where both of them had lost their legs. Now they wore stubbies at home and full length artificial legs in public. If they were not interested themselves, they would certainly know other amps who might be willing to give bar tending a try. Some of Stubber’s ex-army mates might also be up for it. Youngish guys desperate to get back to work as independent men instead of hangers-on in quasi-military positions granted them out of pity.

 

A contract between Thirstysomething’s Conrad and Colin and the owners of Central Arcade’s two adjacent premises was drawn up, inspected by solicitors, approved and signed. The limbless men were free to do what they wanted.

 

F E B R U A R Y

 

Conrad was on the look-out for a new sculpture for Thirstysomething to replace the one which they had sold, indirectly leading to Colin losing his legs. There was an art exhibition in a town fifty kilometres away and so he paid it a visit, driving himself for a change in his brand new electric Mini. He removed his stubbies and operated the vehicle with his hooks, travelling in comfort.

 

Many of the works on display were captivating. Concoctions of papier mâché made to resemble flesh, tree branches twisted into human figures, steel sheets moulded to resemble foodstuffs. Then Conrad saw what he was looking for. A glossy wooden curve, hollow, rising cylindrically from the floor two metres into the air, ending in a human hand spread in plaintive desperation to the heavens.

 

Conrad enquired from the gallery’s proprietor who the sculptor was and left the exhibition with a growing erection. He had found his manufacturer.

 

So he hoped. He did not imagine any struggling artist – and who had ever heard of an artist who was not struggling – would turn down an offer like the one he intended to propose. He had been given the artist’s name, email and phone number. He thrust his prosthetic left arm from side to side following the twists of the road and reached home feeling triumphant. Conrad had rather let his imagination run away with him but as he sat sideways with the Mini’s door open pulling his stubbies on, he felt he was on the right path.

 

Colin was home, lying on the sofa with the remote in one hook.

            – See anything interesting?

            – I did indeed. I have found an artist who can sculpt wood into astonishing, wondrous shapes. I have no doubt that he can sculpt wood into peg legs. I think I’ll give him a call.

            –Well, don’t bother just yet, crawl on top of me like some legless cunt and give me a kiss.

The kiss led to one thing leading to another and before long the quads were on their bed, flailing stumps in an attempt to penetrate the other, deeper.

 

Breakfast was served and suitably positioned for them on their low breakfast counter by Victor, their butler from six a.m. to midday. Victor was effeminate but not overly so. Colin and Conrad preferred their men to be manly, hence the growing attraction for each other as they had shed their limbs. Nothing could be more masculine than a torso with prosthetics. Victor ensured their foreskins and anuses were clean, assisted them if necessary with donning their prosthetic limbs, washed up, hoovered and otherwise cleaned the flat. The quads paid him a thousand five hundred a month for six days a week, Tuesday to Sunday when Thirstysomething was open. They regarded Monday as something of an adventure when they saw to everything themselves. They had a race to get a t-shirt, shorts and boots on. The loser had to make breakfast. Conrad with two arm stumps operating two artificial arms usually won and so Monday breakfast was almost always Colin’s one-armed omelette and espresso.

 

Conrad had chosen to have knee disarticulations by the secretive Middle Eastern commission’s students which arranged these things for their own nefarious purpose. He began to wish he had chosen much shorter stumps than the current knee length versions. He was ashamed of his sexual performance regarding his long-term lover. Colin’s body was a rounded torso with a dick and balls. Conrad’s body had two thigh-length appendages which he hated because they prevented the extreme penetration into his lover which he wanted. Something had to be done. Conrad pushed himself erect with his black prostheses.

            –Let’s get going!

            – What do you mean, let’s get going? Going where? What are you talking about?

            – I’m talking about the guy who is going to make us our peg legs.

            – Well, I don’t need peg legs, you twerp! How am I supposed to use peg legs?

            – We have our ways. Now cut the crap and get some shorts on. Such a scruff, god almighty. We’re going for a ride.

The pair of them waddled on stubbies round to the newly installed lift to the underground car park and into the eMini. They chucked their stubbies and crutches onto the back seat. Conrad wriggled out of his right arm prosthesis and pressed the car’s Start button. A loud tone announced that the Mini was ready to go so Conrad inserted his left arm stump into the steering wheel’s socket, pressed forwards to move the car and said, Hold your breath!

            – I’ll hold your dick in a minute. I hope you know what you’re doing. It looks precarious, with just your shitty stump on the wheel.

            – Ah, but that’s only because you are not used to riding with an expert quadruple amputee who hardly knows where he’s going.

            – It’s why I love you.

            – Well, just keep quiet and enjoy the scenery. It'll all be worth it.

 

Four hours later, they arrived at the home of Philip Lee, semi-famous sculptor, whose artwork had impressed Conrad on his visit to the art show. They hadn’t made an appointment but knocked, expecting the worst. The door creaked open. A short figure stood before them and bid them good day.

            – Hello! Was I supposed to be expecting you? I’m very sorry but I seem to have forgotten.

He suddenly realised that the men standing in front of him were no taller than himself.

            – Good god, you’re legless, both of you! No indeed, I was not expecting you but do come in. I am most intrigued by your unexpected arrival. I don’t believe I have ever received two stubbers before at the same time. Come in and kick the door shut. Please follow me into my study.

He turned from the door in three or four attempts and thrust his short peg legs forward, entering a large room furnished with especially low furniture. Colin and Conrad entered, placing one stubby onto the doorstep and using their hooks to steady themselves as they drew the other stubby up. Colin ensured the door was closed.

 

            – Do sit down and make yourselves comfortable. If you wish to remove your limbs, please feel free to do so.

The seating area was a vast cushion raised about twenty centimetres off the floor, featuring raised mounds against which one could lean or use as a pillow or for other support. It was sublimely comfortable and both visitors decided to acquire something very similar for their own home.

            – I see you use prosthetic arms. I would offer you tea or coffee but my man always serves it in delicate porcelain which I know you will not be able to handle comfortably, so I ask if I may serve you with something in a more practical mug?

            – I would very much like a mug of black coffee.

            – Yes, thank you. The same for me, please.

Lee pressed a button attached to one of his pegs and his butler appeared at the door.

            – Coffee for three, I would guess. Good morning, gentlemen.

            – Good morning.

            – James, be a darling and bring us some coffee in those stoneware mugs, the ones with the thick handles.

            – Certainly, sir.

            – Oh, he is so formal when we have visitors. We are actually lovers. He worships my stumps, bless him. We are both artists and share the workspace behind the house. When we have guests, he behaves like an old-fashioned valet. Such frivolity!

            –It seems to be a very amicable arrangement.

            – Indeed it is. Now! What have you come to see me about?

            – You answered our question the moment you opened the door. We wished to enquire if you could possibly fashion peg legs in the same way as you fashioned the remarkable sculpture I saw a couple of weeks ago at the Johnson Gallery.

            – Oh, you saw that! What did you think? It’s the largest work I have ever exhibited.

            – It was awe-inspiring. Quite apart from being an awesomely beautiful work, it made me think of desperation and hope.

            – Oh, how wonderful! That is exactly what I had intended. How satisfying it is to learn that you understood.

            – Mmm. Well, we wanted to know if you could possibly sculpt a peg leg in the same way as the sculpture was made. And here you are with two extremely beautiful pegs which I can only assume were created in the same fashion. So I have no reason to ask if it is possible – there you are, living proof!

            – How extraordinary. Yes, I have in my possession equipment which allows me to sculpt any design which can be drawn on a CAD program. The designs are drawn by myself or generated automatically by a laser scanner such as you gentlemen may be familiar with from the manufacture of your prosthetics. Then my router takes over and carves the design into wood or plastic.

            – That sounds fascinating. So you could scan, for example, the stump of a limb and have the computer reproduce its shape in wood?

            – Oh, dear man! Much more than that. I can use the scan to design a socket to which I add extensions and adaptations such as my pegs. These were produced in exactly that way. So to answer your question, is it possible, the answer is here before you.

            – They are very beautiful works of art in themselves. We would like to ask if you would be willing to manufacture for us a series of customised pegs for a variety of young men. You see, our plan is to found a bistro in which all the staff are leg amputees and we want them all to wear peg legs.

            – How extraordinary! What a wonderful idea. A bistro full of peg legged men! I should be there every night! Gentlemen, not only am I willing to make peg legs for handsome young men, I am positively enthused! Ah, here’s our coffee.

James positioned a marble slate onto the cushion between the men and placed three grey stoneware mugs onto it.

            – Thank you James.

He withdrew.

            – Did you notice anything odd about James?

His guests replied that they had not.

            – Excellent! He is in fact wearing a pair of artificial legs. He has longer stumps than I. And he prefers modern technology to the traditional styles which I favour.

            – He walks remarkably well on them. May I ask how long you have used peg legs? I have to admit I have never met a man who uses two pegs.

            – Oh, I had my legs off over thirty years ago. I lay down on the rails in a shunting yard and had a couple of oil wagons sever my legs above the knee. I created my first works of art, my leg stumps, which will always be my proudest creations. Might I ask if all your amputations are accidental? It seems unlikely.

            – I lost my left forearm to a barrel of beer and my right arm to a cardboard impactor. Those were accidents. Later I had my lower legs amputated by choice. Colin here left an arm in Afghanistan. Then his legs were severed in a road accident and he chose to lose his other arm to the same surgeon who did my legs.

            – Were the extra amputations performed in this country?

            – Yes, by a foreign organisation.

            – Oh, foreign, you say. I was thinking one of my friends might have been behind it.

            – Who might that be?

            – Excuse me if I do not reveal his name, but he is a former military surgeon who was dismissed for some inexactitude but who continues his trade for those who desire an amputation or two.

            – In this country?

            – Indeed.

            – That’s interesting. I wonder if he is still available and willing to do some work on our behalf.

            – I am sure he would be more than willing. He lives in the depths of the south-west and so is fairly isolated, which his activities require, I assume. I could contact him to ask if he would be prepared to do some work, as you put it, on more young men. I am sure he would be most amenable.

 

Coffee drunk, questions answered and new horizons opened, Colin and Conrad bade their host a good day and promised to be in contact as soon as the first new peg legs were needed. The cost was three thousand seven hundred each.

 

            – Unbelievable!

            – What part was unbelievable? The price? The amputator guy? The peg legs?

            – All of it! Imagine such a prissy homosexual trotting around on little short peg legs, living in luxury with another double amputee! It hardly seems possible.

            – It looks like our lack of limbs is opening doors to opportunities we never thought of. I don’t think he would have been so forthcoming if we’d had our legs.

            – No, neither do I. But I think he liked us. He’ll be our source for peg legs.

            – Watch out for that tractor!

            – I’ve seen it!

 

Back home, they began searching for an interior designer who could design a retro-modern interior with three bars suitable as a work environment for men with mobility problems. A designer in the north of the country, Daniel Perry, had some impressive and beautiful examples of interior redesigns so Colin called him.

            – Good afternoon. My name is Colin Colby and I’d like to ask if you would be interested in designing a restaurant or bistro, suitable for able-bodied customers and disabled staff.

            – That sounds very unusual. In what way are the staff disabled?

            – They all have prosthetic legs.

            – Are you jesting with me? A bar with leg amps as staff?

            – Exactly that.

Colin noticed Perry’s use of the word amps. Few outsiders would refer to amputees that way or even be aware of the word’s existence.

            – Well, I presume we could reach an agreement. Is it possible to visit the premises? Where are you situated?

Colin named the town and Perry whistled through his teeth.

            – That’s a long way for me to come. I am disabled, you see, and I find long journeys quite a bother.

            – We could send you the ground plans and examples of what we have in mind first if that would be helpful.

            – Oh, it would indeed but I would have to pay a visit at some time before I start work.

            – We have in mind a light space with curved walls. I had in mind the work of Saarinen, if you are familiar with him – he designed the TWA airport terminal in New York.

            – Yes, I know that work well. It has always been an inspiration for me.

            – Oh, good! Well, imagine using the same curves and flowing lines in a space only four metres high. That’s what we would like you to work with.

            – How fascinating. Thank you so much for such an inspirational opportunity.

They discussed price, delivery of plans, specifications for CAD work, colour schemes, both of them niggling here and there about one detail or another but generally agreeing that the design work could be completed for just under forty thousand.

            – Let me check my diary for a possible date to inspect the premises. Mmm, next week I have Monday completely free. Might you be able to pick me up at your local station? As I said, I am disabled and would appreciate some assistance.

            – Of course we will be there to meet you. What kind of assistance might you need?

            – Oh, just a car waiting would be enough.

            – We’ll see you then. Thank you for your help.

            – Think nothing of it.

 

The rest of the week was spent at Thirstysomething and the guys were in an unusually good mood as they mingled with the customers, especially on Leather Sunday. Conrad had taken delivery of a new pair of carbon stubbies covered with top quality black leather and waddled around the premises shaking hooks and hands. He was looking forward to meeting Perry the next day and mentioned to several patrons the new bistro they would be opening soon in the town centre.

 

Perry was due on the train arriving at 14:33 so Colin and Conrad turned up at about twenty past the hour. Colin was nervous about something and rocked back and forth along the platform in his bucket and short pylons.

            – What’s the matter with you?

            – I’m worried that he won’t want the job. We’re almost at the end of the month, the rents on two lots of premises have to be paid and we’re nowhere ready with OneOff. It just makes me tetchy.

            –Tetch away, here comes the train.

It pulled in alongside the platform. Passengers disembarked and both Colin and Conrad peered at each one searching for a disability. They had no idea what Perry looked like. Finally after the crowd had dispersed, a kilted figure in the distance alighted from the train accompanied by a taller man also sporting a kilt. The first propelled himself forwards on a short central peg leg with two peg arms acting as crutches. The other walked beside him, his wooden leg blatantly obvious. Colin and Conrad, both quadruple amputees themselves, had never seen anyone so critically disabled and mobile in such an odd fashion.

 

The duo arrived at the head of the platform and offered their greetings.

            – It is so rare for me to venture out these days. Fortunately I have my very good friend who will help me on occasions such as this. Well, where do we go? There is a car, is there not?

            – No, we need to hail a taxi.

            – That is of no import. Ferguson, you have everything with you?

            – I do indeed, sir.

            – Good. Let’s go.

He leant forwards onto the crutches protruding from his shoulders and dragged his peg forward. Finding his stride, the crutches and peg beat a regular rhythm through the station’s main hall and out onto the main road. Colin hailed a taxi by waving a hook and a large electric Mercedes pulled up.

            – Driver, please be patient while I enter your vehicle. Do you have space in the boot for extra equipment?

            – Certainly, sir.

            – Very good, thank you. Please wait a moment while we attend to this.

Ferguson grasped Perry in his arms and laid him prostrate onto the back seat of the cab. Perry pressed a few locations around his torso and Ferguson gently pulled off the peg and its bucket, handing it to the taxi driver to stash in the boot. Removing Perry’s peg arms was the next task. They were simple to extract from his upper arm stumps and were similarly placed in the boot. Colin handed his short crutches to the driver and Conrad shoved him onto the taxi’s back seat and removed Colin’s bucket.

            – Thank you, driver. You are very kind. I imagine you do not often see such items.

            – No, sir. Please remember to take them with you at your destination.

Everyone laughed. Ferguson rotated Perry’s torso to face forwards. Colin sat in the back seat and held his bucket, its tiny pylons poking upwards. Conrad himself, with no more encumbrance than two rigid knee length stubbies, sat next to the driver.

            – Driver, do you know the Nepalese restaurant on High Street? We’re going there.

            – Yes, I know it. Unfortunately it has closed, sir. Would you like me to take you to another restaurant?

            – That’s very kind of you to offer but we intend to renovate the old Nepalese place, so that’s where we need to go.

            – Understood, gentlemen. Excuse me.

The car slid into silent motion and steadily accelerated into traffic.

            – I hope you had a pleasant journey. I can understand that you may not travel as much as you might like.

            – No, indeed we do not. When Ferguson lost his leg, we were very much deterred from long distance journeys. I was always content to roam further afield wielding my torso socket and peg arms. The summer before his accident, we toured central Europe. With his amputation, walking across the room is too much.

            – You exaggerate, sir.

            – Yes, I suppose I do. Never mind. There will be more stumps in your future for you to contend with. Then you will look back at how reluctant to travel you are now and think of these as the good old days.

            – I certainly hope so, sir.

This was a very odd conversation revealing more than was appropriate in a public place. Perhaps living in such an isolated location had eroded the normal reticence common to social intercourse.

            – Ferguson, I have decided that I would prefer to wear my boots rather than the peg at our destination. Please prepare yourself to alter my socket.

            – Very good, sir. Shall I also adjust the length of your peg arms, sir?

            – I was hoping for it.

            – Boots and arms. Very good, sir.

What a very odd pair, thought Colin, sitting beside them. Like an old married couple out of love for fifty years, condemned to tolerating each other through decades of frustration. Perhaps it was merely a show put on for their private amusement and they were really the best of mates. Perry’s comment about more stumps in the future suggested there was more going on than perhaps met the eye.

 

The taxi pulled into High Street and purred to a stop outside the defunct Nepalese restaurant, dark and graffitied like its neighbour and many properties along the desolate street. Conrad hopped out first, and Ferguson joined him. Colin opened his door and placed his torso socket onto the ground, leaning it against the vehicle. He slowly gyrated his torso into a suitable position using his arm prothesis and lowered himself into the bucket. The driver extracted his crutches from the boot and he crossed the pavement to stand in front of the former restaurant. Ferguson was occupied in the back of the taxi, trying to coax Perry’s bucket onto his torso. The peg was removed and Ferguson screwed two thick black leather-covered cylinders onto Perry’s bucket. He coaxed the peg arms onto Perry’s stumps and lifted his employer out of the taxi. The peg arms were now too long and stuck out at an absurd angle like wings. Ferguson adjusted their length as Perry teetered for balance on the soles of his boots and then he was mobile. He heaved himself away from the taxi.

            – Lead the way!

Colin handed the keys to Conrad who took them in his left hook, twisted his body to the left and placed the key in the lock. He twisted his body to the right and the key rotated enough to open the lock. He repeated the action with the lower lock. He pulled the door open and the four amputees worked their way inside.

            – It is fortunate that you are both amputees because our employees here will also be amputees. You have foreknowledge of the restrictions and obstacles facing leg amputees and will be able to take them into account in your designs.

Conrad glanced at Colin, surprised by how officious he sounded. Very businesslike. Colin stumped into the restaurant.

            – That is the wall which will be demolished. The space on the other side is almost identical but it has no kitchen. A water supply, certainly, of course. What we envision is one entrance here from which there is a direct sight-line along two bars, one on the left over there and one on the right just here with counters on both sides. A cloakroom needs to be built here near the door, a rack of some kind should be sufficient. We envisage having enough space for people to take stuff with them if they want to. The kitchen is over there at the back. It is currently far too big for what we anticipate. This will be a bar, not an eaterie. And it goes without saying that the spaces between tables must be wide enough for a leg amputee with possibly two prostheses or peg legs to negotiate easily and safely.

            – I understand completely. These are completely normal requirements, in fact. Visibility, accessibility – fine. These are matters which can be determined with simple blueprints. I understand that you would like the interior to resemble something, shall we say, retro-futuristic? A vision of the future from the 1960s? How unfortunate we are that such a beautiful environment never materialised! However, it is certainly possible to create the same ambience here, I have no doubt.

His arm stumps twitched and he shifted his position.

            – Let’s see the kitchen. I assume you would like to have some kind of kitchen?

He adjusted his stance and moved towards the back of the space. Colin followed, forcing the crutches on his arm stump and empty shoulder to take the weight of his torso balancing in his bucket. Conrad kicked his stubbies into action, steadying himself by spreading his prosthetic arms wide and Ferguson surveilled the trio from behind, imagining how he would negotiate the world with such extreme disabilities. His engorged penis swelled even more at the thought. He thanked god for kilts and followed the severely disabled men deeper into the premises.

            – Ah, the plumbing is against the back wall, good. Would you prefer to keep the width of this kitchen, or its depth?

            – What do you think, Colin? Which would be more convenient?

            – I think a long space is better, so let’s keep the width and make the kitchen shallower.

            – Very good. Ferguson, make a note of that. And please take some photographs of the entire premises. They will be most useful.

Ferguson activated his phone and began scanning the kitchen with his phone’s video app. Presently he moved into the saloon and recorded its shape and size. Individual photos could be extracted from the video.

            – What I envisage is a white interior with well-spaced low tables in the middle area and standard height tables nearest to the walls. I have in mind the Tulip chair by Saarinen for seating. It has a central leg which flairs near its base and is very stable. It has red cushioning. On the other side of the bistro, we will see low armchairs sculpted of plastic, called Tomato. These will be grouped around low tables, three or four of them. None of the furniture will have any protruding element which could possibly trip someone. I will draw plans for three bars, two of them positioned diagonally and a third along the back wall with a raised floor for the use of men such as yourselves with shortened stature. Music systems will also be incorporated into the back-most bar. Does that sound like the vision you might have contemplated?

            – It sounds fascinating. Where will we source the furniture? It can’t have been manufactured for over fifty years.

            – I believe an Italian company makes reproductions to order of the original Finnish designs. They are not cheap – but much less expensive than the originals. I shall contact them and place an order. I may be able to secure an additional reduction for a bulk purchase.

Perry thrust his peg arms forward and lifted his stubbies towards the door.

            – Gentlemen, I have seen what I came to see. Ferguson, have you captured enough video?

            – I have, sir.

            – Then our work here is done. We shall now retire to our hotel and prepare for the journey home tomorrow morning.

            – You would be most welcome to visit Thirstysomething this evening at any time. All drinks on the house, of course.

            – That sounds most enticing. Thank you.

Two taxis were summoned, prosthetics shucked and stashed and the two parties dispersed to their destinations.

 

M A R C H

 

            – Con! Come and look at this!

            – What’s up?

            – Perry has sent some 3D renders of what he wants OneOff to look like.

Conrad stood in the doorway of the bathroom, a shaver in his left hook.

            – How do they look?

            – Come and see!

Conrad stumped over and rested his arm socket on Colin’s shoulder. Colin scrolled back to the beginning of the presentation and set it in motion.

            – You know, I’ve seen something similar to that before. You know Kubrick’s 2001? It’s like on the space station where the Russians are talking to the American guy.

            – Oh yeah! So it does. But look at the walls! They’re all curved. There’s not a straight line anywhere. Those chairs are really beautiful. Look at how the leg flairs! I really like those. What do you think? Shall we accept this or make Perry do another design?

            – I’d say let’s go with this. It can’t get better, only different. Ask him for a price estimate from his Italian connection and if it’s not too much, we can get started. It’s going to be expensive, though.

            – I know. But we only have to fork out once.

            – Right.

Conrad returned to the bathroom and shaved the other side of his face. He donned his right arm and pulled on some pants and wriggled into a hoody. A futuristic white and red bistro with furniture from sixty years ago for a future which never arrived, and manned by guys on peg legs. The incongruity of it made him laugh aloud.

 

Perry’s plan was approved and signed off. He contacted his Italian furniture manufacturer and placed an order for seventy Tulip chairs, fifteen low circular tables, ten of normal height, and twenty red Tomato chairs, the bill payable in instalments over two years. Builders were contracted, the Nepalese restaurant and the clothes shop became one, walls were covered in curved panelling and the gently curving bars constructed. The kitchen area was totally gutted and replaced with efficient new equipment. Nothing original remained except for the sprinkler system. OneOff was practically ready except for signage and recruitment of staff.

 

            – It’s time we found some bar staff, Con. I want to open by the end of the month..

            – Yeah, I’ve been asking Stubber and Stig if they know of anyone who might be interested. The trouble is, we can’t simply advertise for young male leg amps because that’s discrimination. Ironic, don’t you think?

            – Have the guys come up with anyone yet?

            – Yes, I have a few names, about half a dozen.

            – I wonder if they would know of others who might be interested.

            – Let’s invite them in one Saturday morning and have a chat with them. I’m pretty sure they’d know other one-legged lads. You know how it goes.

            – Yeah. OK, next Saturday at ten in Thirstysomething.

 

Conrad sent text messages to the numbers he had been given, inviting the young amputees to Thirstysomething for interviews. There were seven candidates. All seven turned up, entering via the back door as arranged. Conrad had brewed a pot of coffee and the guys sat around waiting until ten when Conrad rose onto his stubbies and welcomed them.

            – Thank you all for turning up. As you may know, Thirstysomething has been going for about a year and it’s probably not an exaggeration to say that we’re the most popular bar in town. And that’s because we have a really great crew working here who are all arm amputees. I got the idea after I lost my left arm and was sacked from my job. So my partner and I – he’s also an arm amputee – decided to start this bar where all the personnel are amps. And so far, it seems to be a big success. No complaints on that front. But we also want to expand a bit and we’ve found a really cool place on the High Street which we are currently having renovated. And we want all the bar staff to be leg amputees. I assume all of you are leg amps?

Everyone nodded and some slapped their thigh sockets.

            – The thing is, there are a couple of terms and conditions. We want all the staff to wear peg legs while at work. You don’t have to wear it on the street! Don’t worry if you don’t have one. We will supply them but they are expensive to make so the job comes with this condition. If you leave during the first year, you will be liable to pay the full price of the peg. But you get to keep it, of course, since it’s custom-made for you. If you leave during the following six months, you will be liable for half its value. The money will be deducted from your severance pay. And if I remember correctly, they cost three thousand seven hundred each. But they’re yours to keep. They’re not much use to anyone else. Everyone’s stumps are different, as you know. Any questions?

            – I wear two prosthetic legs. Is that going to be a hindrance?

            – Not at all. Do you think you can wear a peg leg and a pros?

            – I don’t see why not, really.

            – So, no problem. Are you AK or BK?

            – One of each.

            – OK. I reckon if you have the peg on your AK side, you’ll hardly notice any difference.

            – Haha! Could be!

            – Is there going to be enough time to produce all these peg legs? I must say, I’m intrigued. It sounds very exciting. I’ve always wanted a peg.

            – It’s a very interesting process. I have a scanner on loan from the guy who makes the pegs. I will scan your stumps, send him the data and he feeds it into a router which carves a block of wood into a shiny new peg leg. It takes about ten hours, so there’s plenty of time to make loads of them. I haven’t shown you the sort of pegs I’m talking about. I have some photos in my bag. Let me get it. Excuse me for a moment.

Conrad stomped off to the kitchen.

            – What do you think? Peg legs at work?

            – Sounds a bit voyeuristic to me.

            – Yeah, but at least you’ll have a job. I don’t care if people stare at me. They do anyway.

            – I think it sounds like a lot of fun. One of my mates works here and he says both the owners are really cool. And I’d love a peg. I’d wear it all the time.

            – Found them! Take a look at these old photos. You can see that this peg is shaped like a tuning fork. This outer prong goes up the outside of your leg and straps around your upper thigh. Then this shorter prong on the inside straps around your lower thigh. Your knee rests on this pad, if you have a knee, of course, and a third strap holds your stump in place. The peg has a hinge at hip level and you have a wide belt here. So that’s how it works if you have a BK stump. If you’re AK, the peg is simply a long strut widening at the top to contain your stump held on by the hinge and the belt around your waist. Also, if you’re BK but would like a similar design to this, it’s quite possible. You insert your entire leg into a long conical peg and secure it with a belt.

            – Can we choose what colour the peg is?

            – Sure, they can be painted but when you see the finished product new, you’ll probably not want to spoil its appearance. They really are beautiful sculpted pieces, works of art.

            – When are you thinking of opening? I have to give in my notice first.

            – We’re looking at April sixteenth. It’s a Friday. It’ll be a year since we opened this place. We’ll have another Happy Weekend, half price beer the whole weekend, so you may be rushed off your solitary feet. Oh, I almost forgot. You will get your peg about a week beforehand and I would like you all to practise walking on it. Personally I don’t mind if you have a limp or not but I want you all to feel safe wearing the things. OK, now I have some employment contracts here if anyone is interested in joining us in OneOff. Your wages and holidays and health benefits are all laid out so give it a good hard look and sign the thing if you’re satisfied. Now, would anyone like a beer?

Seven hands rose.

Steve Taylor, Tim Bryant, Craig Russell, Michael Clark, Louis Reed, Weston Back and Nolan Kendall read the terms and conditions, filled in their personal data and signed at the bottom. OneOff was on its way.

 

Conrad collected the papers and glanced at his watch.

            – We still have forty minutes before we open here, so I was thinking that might be enough time to scan your legs. Come round to the back. We have a small changing room and can do it there. Craig, you’re up first. Drop your trousers and take your leg off.

Craig did so and exposed a long right thigh stump.

            – Great. Now lean against the locker and hold your stump as still as possible.

Conrad held the scanner at his eye level and moved it slowly around Craig’s thigh stump. The device was taking thousands of images every second and laser-accurate measurements.

            – I need to measure the length of your leg, hold still. Done! One peg leg on the way. Put your leg back on and you’re free to go. I’ll send you a message when the peg is ready.

Thirstysomething’s weekend staff had begun to turn up, wondering what was going on. Louis rocked up and dropped his cargo pants revealing two artificial legs.

            – Which side would you prefer to wear your peg?

            – Let’s do the AK side.

            – OK. Hold still for a minute.

            – Do you think it would be possible to have a peg made for my other leg?

            – Of course it’s possible. Is that what you want?

            – I’ve seen photos of men wearing two pegs. I think I could manage it too.

            – It might be a bit unsafe at work, though. And I’ll have to charge you for it.

            – That’s fine, yeah it would be a bit precarious. I was thinking that I’d wear two when I’m not working.

            – OK, I’ll scan your other leg and the data will at least be to hand when you want it.

            – Thanks.

Trenton arrived.

            – Lou mate, what are you doing here? Good to see you!

            – Hi Trenton. I’m just measuring Louis’s stumps for a pair of peg legs. What else does it look like?

            – Hiya mate. I’m gonna be working at OneOff. Bit of a misnomer for me with two off, but who cares?

            – That's great! How come you’re getting two peg legs?

            – Well, one is for work. The other is for play. I’ve always wanted to try two pegs and now I have the chance.

            – You’ve had enough practice with prossies by now, I reckon. It’ll look stunning!

            – Fifteen years legless. How time flies when you’re having fun.

            – Ha! Right, I’m set and ready. Have to get to work or the boss will throw a fit.

Conrad looked up at Trenton’s grinning face.

            – You better believe it. Michael, your turn, mate. I just realised I’m doing this in alphabetical order. Might as well carry on.

Each new member of staff had a stump scanned in turn. Tim Bryant also requested two pegs for his short BK stumps. Weston was last in the queue and offered a short left thigh stump.

            – I am certain I can use a peg even with so little stump but I’m gonna need suspenders or something to hold it securely.

            – It shouldn’t be a problem, Weston. All the pegs are custom-made anyway so small adaptations are going to be inevitable. And we’re finished.

They left the changing room and went out into the bar, where the new staff were still sitting with coffees and chatting with Thirstysomething staff.

            – I forgot to mention OneOff’s opening hours. They’re the same as for this place – Monday is free always, Tuesday to Friday from five to midnight, weekends noon to two in the morning. You get one more weekday off too and it varies, but everyone will have a rota two weeks in advance so you know your hours and who’s working with you. And I think that’s all. You’re free to leave – or stay as customers! No more free beer though, sorry! Happy hour prices, though.

Conrad spun on a stubby and stumped away towards the rear door, collecting the scanner on the way and dropping it into his carry-all. He intended uploading all the data to Philip Lee during the afternoon so work could start immediately.

 

A P R I L

 

Philip Lee had been busy. He had processed Conrad’s data and programmed his router to produce nine old-fashioned wooden peg legs. Their surfaces were treated with resin to provide durability and a high gloss finish. Each peg was a unique work of art. Lee was excited by the thought of Conrad’s handsome young staff members using them. He had a couple of pieces of wood left over and decided to throw false modesty aside and treat himself to a new pair of full-length peg legs. The short pegs he currently wore provided a leg length of only twenty-five centimetres.

 

Lee photographed each peg and sent copies to Conrad. He and Colin scrolled through the collection in awe.

            – These are phenomenal!

            – They are. Well worth the price – thirty-three thousand three hundred.

            – Well, Tim and Louis will be paying us for their second pegs. Shall we drive up again to collect them?

            – You go, Con. We can’t both afford to be absent for another whole day with OneOff almost ready. There are deliveries and all sort of things that need an eye kept on them.

            – OK, I’ll ask Lee if he’s at home tomorrow.

He would be at home and looked forward to meeting Conrad and delivering the fruits of his labour.

 

Next morning, Conrad started early and drove the three hundred kilometres to Philip Lee’s home and studio.

            – How good to see you again, Conrad! Welcome. Do come around to our atelier. The peg legs are packed ready for transport. I was expecting you to request a courier delivery.

            – Well, apart from wanting to finalize our financial transaction together, there is something I would like to discuss with you which you hinted at on our first visit.

            – Very well. Let’s go inside and James can place the package in your car. James! Would you take the peg legs to Mr Colby’s car?

            – Certainly, sir.

            – Oh, how officious he is! Would you like something to drink? Coffee, tea?

            – A mug of tea would be very welcome.

            – I’ll see to it. Shall we go into the sitting room or will this be suitable?

            – The kitchen’s fine. Now first things first. How would you prefer the payment to be made?

            – Bank transfer to my company account would be perfect.

            – Very good.

Conrad activated his banking app and made the transfer, showing Lee the debit.

            – Thank you very much.

He tottered to the lower kitchen counter and fussed with a teapot. He brought over two stoneware mugs and returned for the tea.

            – What else was it you wanted to discuss? More sculpting work for me?

            – No, not yet at least. I am sure there will be more in future if you are willing to carry it out. No, I want to talk with you about your ex-army surgeon contact. More precisely, I would like to know if he would be willing to perform two disarticulations of my legs.

            – Good heavens above, that is rather drastic, don’t you think?

            – My man Colin has two disarts and uses a torso socket with stubby legs and crutches. He appears to me to be the epitome of eroticism. I wish to emulate him. I find my long thigh stumps to be a source of continual dissatisfaction and I wish to be rid of them as soon as possible.

            – I see. It seems odd to me that you should dislike having such long stumps but everyone to his own. I have your details, of course, and I shall forward them to my friend. He will certainly let you know if he is available for the operation in the near future and you will be able to work out a timetable between yourselves.

            – Thank you very much. I myself have my hands full, so to speak, for the next few weeks as we start our new bistro but I hope that I will be approaching my final body shape by late summer. I may yet decide to forgo my left arm to make it symmetrical with my right stump.

            – You would be a bilateral upper arm amputee using split hooks and mechanical elbows and sitting in a torso socket with peg arms for mobility.

            – Exactly. And I would like you to make two torso sockets with matching peg arms for us. Which reminds me, I have brought your scanner back. It’s in the car.

            – Oh good. Thank you.

            – All this is a secret from Colin, by the way. It’s not that he wouldn’t approve but I want to surprise him.

            – I understand. I shall be discrete and bear your secret in mind when I communicate with you.

            – Thank you for your hospitality. I must be off now in order to be back before opening hours.

            – Yes, of course. Please remember me to Colin. Goodbye, Conrad.

Conrad stumped over to his car, checked that the peg legs were stashed securely and removed his stubbies and arm prostheses. The return journey would be stump-powered.

 

Halfway home, he realised he had forgotten to hand back the scanner.

 

He pulled into the delivery area behind Thirstysomething at ten minutes to five and spent several minutes replacing his prostheses. He waddled inside and poked his head into the saloon.

            – Afternoon all! Is Colin around?

            – He’s at OneOff, I think. That’s where he said he’d be.

            – Oh, OK. How’re things going here, Alex? I’ve been so preoccupied with OneOff that I feel like I’ve been neglecting you.

            – Everything is fine, no worries.

            – Good to hear it. Right, I have a fairly big package in my car out the back. Can I ask for some help to get it moved inside?

            – I’ll do it.

            – Thanks Trenton. You can possibly guess what’s in the package.

            – A collection of Third Reich swizzle sticks?

            – Ha! Almost right. The guys’ pegs are ready. They can come in on Saturday morning to try them on.

            – Great! You know what I’d like? A wooden arm socket with a big old silver hook on the end like Long John Silver.

            – Well, I can make a scan and ask Lee to turn one out. I forgot to give him the scanner back. It was the reason I went up there in the first place. Yeah, you’d look cool with a big hook. OK, if you can grab that and bring it inside – it’s not too heavy, is it?

            – No it’s alright.

            – Stick it at the back of the changing room and we’ll take a look.

Conrad fetched a bread knife from the kitchen and sliced open the package. Each peg was wrapped individually in gyroid paper. The first peg emerged.

            – Wow, that looks fantastic. Look at the finish on it! Who’s it for?

A quick inspection reveal a label with the wearer’s name inside the socket.

            – This is Nolan’s. Let’s leave the others. I don’t want them to get scratched up before we even hand them over.

 

Conrad went and lifted himself onto the bench where Colin usually presided. He activated his phone and tapped out a short message which he sent to his seven OneOff employees. “Peg ready Sat 10.4. 3S0 10:00 backdoor. Con”. Within the next five minutes, three replies arrived asking if the pegs were already at Thirstysomething. Conrad thought about letting the guys have their pegs already. He didn’t want them to kick up a ruckus showing off their peg legs in the bar worked by arm amputees. But he was impressed by how enthusiastic they were and answered “Come n get em”.

 

He also wrote a brief apology to Philip Lee for not returning the scanner, especially as he had mentioned doing so shortly before departing. The sculptor replied that it was not an inconvenience if Conrad kept it safe for the time being.

 

Nolan, Louis and Steve turned up within half an hour and pressed the doorbell at the top of the steps. Trenton noticed the light and went to open the back door. Three of his future workmates ambled towards him, each carrying a large rucksack. Conrad was waiting for them by the doorway.

            – Hi guys! Nice of you to drop in! Listen – you can try the pegs on but don’t go into the saloon with them. Come back out here into the yard. There’s more room and you won’t look like a complete loser in front of the customers if you trip or something. OK?

It was OK and the three of them opened the package.

            – The one on top is Nolan’s. You’ll have to poke around for the others but you can tell by feel if it’s a BK or AK peg.

After four attempts, Steve had his LAK peg and Louis found both his AK and BK pegs. He held them, felt his knee buckle and ejaculated.

            – Oh gawd.

            – What’s up?

            – I just came!

            – Well done, you win. I’m about to cum. I bet I do before I get this peg on. Look at it!

The guys shucked their jeans and removed their corresponding prostheses, leaning them against the lockers. They sat on the central bench. Louis mopped up the worst of his mess with a bit of kitchen paper. He was working out how to put both pegs on and decided the only way was to stand up. First he tried the AK peg. He slipped his stump into the socket and felt its perfectly contoured interior. Its base was deeper than the length of his stump so there was no pressure on the end of it. He sorted out the leather strapping and drew the corset belt tight. Two more belts formed the shoulder harness, providing added security. He stood erect and alternated his weight by rocking on his prosthetic foot and the peg. He stepped forward with the peg and moved towards the back door. Holding onto the door frame, he positioned the peg onto the ground outside and lifted his prosthetic leg alongside. And he was off! Strutting along in the back yard in his t-shirt and underwear, savouring the sensation of the rigid peg and its weight. He turned and re-entered, prosthesis first, then lifting the peg up alongside.

            – So far so good. Now how am I going to get the other one on?

            – Don’t try it yet, not here. I’m not sure our insurance will cover you if you take a tumble and hurt yourself.

Louis undid the buckles, withdrew his stump from the peg and sat down thinking. Steve was ready next and copying Louis, took a couple of tentative steps. The peg’s socket felt comfortable, more so than the one on his prosthetic leg.

            – This is grand! I could get used to this. See you in a bit.

Conrad moved to the door and watched Steve’s movements. Steve swung his peg out in a semicircular trajectory and rose onto tiptoe on his natural leg. It appeared easy. He walked ten metres and turned, a huge grin on his face.

            – This is the most fun I’ve ever had! Well, almost.

            – You make it look as if you were born to it.

Nolan stepped into the yard with his right peg and brought his meat leg even. A few steps. He kicked the peg up to feel its weight and balance. Steve stood arms folded, legs akimbo watching him, a magnificent stance for a man wearing a peg leg.

            – I’m keeping this on, if you don’t mind, Con. I assume we can take these with us?

            – Sure.

            – The pros can go in my backpack. Can’t wait to see the look on my housemate’s face when I turn up on this!

            – Well, take it easy. I must admit I’m a little jealous. I should have asked for a pair of pegs to replace these leather stubbies. Oh well, it’s not too late. I’ve still got the scanner I drove for four hours to return!

            – Unless I get those disarts, he thought. Maybe his pegs could be adapted and attached to the bottom of his bucket.

 

Inside, Louis had put his AK prosthesis back on and removed his BK leg. He pulled himself erect using the BK peg as a crutch. He bent his knee and placed his short stump onto the cushioned pad between the peg’s support struts. He tightened the upper and lower thigh belts and Conrad offered to secure his stump.

            – Yes please. It feels like I might topple forward if I lean over.

            – There. Not too tight? I hope you can manage this. You look magnificent with both a pros and a peg.

            Louis shifted the peg forward and leaned onto it. The rubber ferrule held securely. He swung his prosthesis forward and leaned onto that. This time with a little momentum, the peg was easier to swing. Louis carefully negotiated the door and went back out into the yard where he managed to work up a good rhythm, flailing his arms a little. He spun around on the peg and strutted back.

            – Feels really interesting. Good fun on this flat surface. I shouldn’t like to go down a flight of stairs yet though.

            – The time will come, Louis. All of you are already used to wearing prosthetics so there shouldn’t be too much to overcome before you walk as well on the pegs.

            – Let’s hope so. I’m going to leave these here for the time being. I’ll come back in on Saturday to pick them up – or rather, my man can pick them up. I think I’ll stick to my trusty old fake legs for the rest of the week.

            

The week crawled by for the others who were excited to get their hands on their new pegs, especially after the three had already reported on their experiences with them. On Saturday at ten or shortly after, Tim, Craig, Mick and Weston arrived to finally get their pegs.

            – Look at the gloss on this! It looks like it’s covered in glass. Conrad, do you know what wood this is?

            – No, I should have asked but didn’t. But the guy who makes them says he only ever uses waste offcuts of quality wood which would otherwise be pulped. They might be different types of wood for all I know.

Tim’s pair of BK pegs were not different types of wood. They matched perfectly and looked superb together.

            – I’ll take these home and practise on them.

They just fitted into a hold-all and Tim replaced his prostheses. The other guys also took their pegs with them, impatient to try them out in private.

 

Over an hour was left before opening time, and Conrad climbed into his eMini and drove to OneOff. Colin had been there since about eight o’clock. The interior was almost complete. The furniture had arrived and been cleared through customs and was waiting for delivery in a warehouse. Colin pulled onto the pavement and stuck a wheelchair symbol on the inside of the windscreen. Locks had been converted to electronic versions so Conrad entered without trouble. He had fixed OneOff’s token onto the arm socket opposite Thirstysomething’s token. All he had to do to gain access to either premises was to raise the correct prosthesis towards the lock.

 

Colin shouted out his greetings and electricians, plasterers and kitchen installers raised their hands in recognition. Conrad didn’t require much effort to be recognised. He was the only man with two artificial arms moving on two stubbies who the workmen had ever seen and one of the most severely disabled. The only guy worse off was Colin standing motionless in his bucket with short immovable stubbies fixed to it. Colin shrugged off his arm prosthesis, slipped on his short peg arm and dragged himself across to where Conrad stood surveilling the new bistro.

            – How do you like it? The walls will be ready this weekend and then the floor can be laid. It’ll be a pale grey with pink spreckles, non-slip, high gloss and did I mention non-slip? Don’t want the guys slipping and sliding around on their pegs, not that they’ll have to do much walking about. This is still going to be self-service, right?

            – Well, it’s something we can ask the guys. I don’t mind if one or two want to be waiters and walk around serving drinks. They don’t have to carry trays. We can make some beer holders for a dozen beers or whatever and they can wander around the place handing them out to thirsty customers.

            – Oh yeah, good idea. I’ve seen that in Prague.

            – Colin, are we going to be ready on the fifteenth? Shall I contact Thingy again and ask him for some posters?

            – Thingy has got the sack and has disappeared down a very bad hole, I’m afraid. Poor bloke is drinking himself to death. But take a look at this. I was playing around on the laptop and designed this logo. What do you think? Is it too far out?

            – It is a bit hard to read I suppose, but once you know what it says, it’s fine. I quite like it. Bits missing like with OneOff’s staff. So yeah, if you like that and can live with it, I’m game. Shall we have the same company make a neon sign?

            – I was thinking of those perspex signs with the lettering gouged into them. When it’s lit from the side, the letters glow. It might look quite nice. We could order two, one for this window and one for over on the other side.

            – OK, let’s do that. I’ll give them a call and they can get on it. Have you got a decent version of that logo? I don’t want to be an arsehole and send them something too stupidly small for them to work with.

            – Yeah, I’ll mail it to your laptop. So what do you think otherwise?

            – It’s fantastic. The curved walls make it look like some kind of cocoon. Quite womblike, actually.

            – Alright, don’t get carried away. The walls will be finished this weekend, like I said, the kitchen continues next week but doesn’t interfere with anything else, the floor should be down on Thursday and dry by Saturday, so that gives us a week to plonk the tables and chairs down and that, as they say, will be that. Oh yeah, advertising. Put a huge notice up in Thirsty and on the A-frame outside and on the website. You know what the leatherguys were like once word got out. They couldn’t stay away. We might be able to do the same thing with OneOff – a word here and there and in they come. Could plaster the window here with Opening Day notices too, and take them off just before we open. I wonder if that bloke from the Gazette might like a few free beers?

            – I’ll be dipped in shit if he doesn’t. I’ll let him know and he’ll be round in a flash with his thesaurus.

            – I’d like to see him flash anywhere. Now, lover boy, do you have any other business or are you going to leave me in peace? Thirsty is open in a quarter of an hour and you know what they’re like if you’re not standing over them with a whip. Off you go. I’ll drop in later.

            – Not if we don’t open the door you won’t. OK, see ya.

Conrad rocked on his stubbies, gradually twisting his body until he faced the door and left.

 

Back at Thirstysomething, he glanced around to see if everyone was there, it being Friday when the entire staff should be present. He rapped his arm sockets on a table top and called out.

            – Listen up, everybody! OneOff is going to open very soon but before it does, I want to invite everyone for a free booze-up there on the Thursday, that’s the fifteenth, where you can meet your legless fellow workers. Colin and I both want to have the staff from both our bars to know each other and be mates so the Thursday will be a sort of opening night for the staff from both places except for… Trenton and Marc.

They looked despondent.

            – But don’t worry, you guys. You have Saturday off and are invited to the Grand Opening of OneOff.

Neither Trenton nor Marc had enjoyed a free Saturday since they started at Thirstysomething a over a year ago and were delighted with the arrangement.

            – Thursday is our quietest day. Do you think you two can manage the place?

            – Sure thing, boss!

            – Great. That’s settled then. Right, let’s open the door and let the thirsty people in.

 

Colin worked day and night at OneOff, or more accurately, he supervised the work. With half an arm fitted most of the time with a peg arm and the rest with a hook, he did little work himself but was able to direct the interior decorators towards his and his architect’s vision.

 

Two days before the grand opening for the staff, a lorry hauling a container pulled up outside OneOff. Colin dragged himself outside to supervise the unloading and returned inside where Craig and Michael as two of the least disabled new recruits had been persuaded to arrange the new furniture, after stripping the protective gyroid paper coverings from each of them. Taller tables were arranged along the walls, low tables filled the spaces between and the elegant red and white Tulip chairs placed around them. Six Tomato chairs were placed around two low tables. White anodised lighting pendants illuminated the table tops which reflected glare-free light into the room. The result did look like the set from a sci-fi film, Clockwork Orange perhaps, just as predicted.

 

Brewers and distillers delivered barrels and cases of alcohol via the underground service passage and Colin persuaded the delivery men to equip the bars with some of the products as he was a little inconvenienced. It was not their job but a glance at Colin in his bucket neutralised any protest. The bars were ready, the kitchen pristine, the interior stunning.

 

The place would be put to the test the following day.

 

Thursday, six o’clock rolled round. A group of lads stood outside a darkened OneOff. One or two might have appeared to a keen-eyed onlooker to be disabled. They seemed to be wearing a peg rather than a boot on one leg, its tip poking from their jeans cuff. Other guys huddled against the chill wind scouring the street, hands in pockets. In fact, every one of them was an amputee, several of them double amputees. They were the staff of unusual bars run by the pair of limbless men who were about to allow them inside for a Private Function , as a notice on the door announced. Conrad and Colin had promised all the new employees and most of the staff from Thirstysomething this evening in OneOff to get to know each other and see the new workplace. There was motion in the dim interior and Conrad’s figure appeared behind the door, illuminated by light from the street. He grinned and raised his left arm socket to the door locks. They released. At the same moment, Colin switched on the interior lights and the guys entered OneOff for the first time, mouths agape at what looked like the set from a science fiction film. They took in the glossy white and red furniture, the gleaming pale grey floor and the matt black ceiling space. Two bars curved away invitingly from the entrance and a third could be seen further back.

            – Welcome everyone. Colin and I are very pleased to be able to invite you to OneOff, which will be the workplace for half of you. We wanted to invite Thirstysomething’s staff along as well because this place is partly due to their hard work over the past year and they deserve a couple of beers. There is a huge pile of pizza and hamburger in the kitchen and you can freely use all the beer taps but please don’t hit the hard stuff. I see two of you are wearing your new peg legs. Perhaps you wouldn’t mind stepping forward for a short demonstration.

 

Weston and Craig kicked off their over-trousers and revealed the official OneOff uniform of shorts and peg leg. They strutted along the bar, turned and came back. The pegs made a dull thud with each step. Colin and Conrad applauded them and so did everyone else.

            – You walk very well. Was it difficult to learn to use them?

            – Not at all. It feels more secure than my ordinary prosthesis - I suppose because it’s rigid. I’ve worn it every day since last Saturday.

            – Good. Well, sit down everyone, test the chairs. If you notice anything less than optimal like a glare from the lighting or a slippery place on the floor, or whatever, let us know. And before I forget, here are your key tokens. They are active from Tuesday afternoons at three to Sunday mornings at three. It gives you access to the entrance via the freight lift, not the front door.

 

Craig sat down on one of the Tulip chairs which spun under him slightly. It was a good height and comfortable and his peg leg stuck out in front of him. He carefully turned to face the table and immediately noticed the advantage of a tabletop with one central support. His peg did not strike anything. Weston strutted to the kitchen to see what food there was and returned with a hamburger freshly grilled by a caterer.

 

So the evening continued. Leg amputees showed off their hardware to arm amputees who returned the favour. During the evening, a goodly amount of lager was served, usually by Thirstysomething’s staff because they were a little more agile and the OneOff guys were fascinated to see bar tenders with hooks. Craig and Marc seemed especially fascinated with each other’s hardware and stuck together the whole evening.

 

Passersby on the High Street were intrigued to see the new gleaming interior lit up like a beacon in the midst of a grimy neighbourhood. It piqued their interest and several crossed the road to peer in but if anyone noticed anything odd about the guests, they were too discrete to stare.

 

The evening ended at one in the morning when everyone could still walk with or without prostheses. Conrad, who had stayed sober, and Colin, who had not, descended to their car and Conrad drove them home.

 

The Big Day came. Neither Colin nor Conrad got much sleep. Colin was laying awake at five when Conrad stirred.

            – Are you awake?

            – I’ve been awake for at least an hour.

            – Oh, you should have said. So have I. Wanna bit of fun?

Conrad twisted his body so he was laying on his front. Colin pulled his torso onto Conrad’s back with his stump and gyrated his lower back until his erection found Conrad’s anus. Colin arched his back and penetrated. Conrad groaned in pleasure. Colin worked up a slow rhythm, moving his lower body, pushing on Conrad’s upper back with his stump for grip. Colin’s erection became more rigid and insistent and Conrad ejaculated into the bed sheets as Colin continued his assault. Colin came too, waited a couple of minutes as his penis slowly lost its erection and he rolled off Conrad.

            – I love you, Colin. I wish I could do the same for you without my stumps being in the way.

            – You do fine, mate. Nothing wrong with a bit of stump action.

            – I still think I prefer your stumpless action.

            – Shall we get up? Victor won’t be here or another hour.

            – No. Turn over. I want to fuck you.

Conrad lifted his sticky groin from the bed and worked his way onto Colin and returned the favour. His leg stumps resting on the bed behind him prevented the extent of movement which his straining erection craved. Conrad decided then, in the small hours of the day OneOff was due to open, that his legs must come off. He must become a torso like his mate.

 

They heard Victor enter quietly and Colin called out.

            – We’re awake in here, Vic! You can come in. Good morning.

            – Hello, boys. Oh, it looks like you’ve been having some fun. Let’s clean you up and we’ll have breakfast.

Victor fetched a couple of warm, damp towels from the bathroom and gently wiped cum from the couple’s genitals and backsides. He took fresh stump socks from a drawer and helped Colin work his torso into one. Conrad sat on the edge of the bed and lifted his stumps so Victor could place stump socks on his legs. He raised his arm stumps and Victor put socks onto them. Colin’s solitary arm stump received its sock and Victor collected the guys’ prostheses. He guided Conrad’s harness over his shoulders and guided the arm stumps into the black carbon sockets. Then he turned to Colin and positioned his prothesis.

            – Would you like the long prosthesis too?

            – No thanks, Victor. This will do. I can manage like this.

            – Yes, you manage superbly. I watch you in amazement sometimes, I really do. Now for your body socket, and which stubbies would you like, Conrad?

            – I think the black leather today, Victor. I can put them on if you hand them to me. Help Colin with his bucket.

            – OK. Lay back, Colin, while I give this a clean.

Victor sprayed alcohol into Colin’s torso socket and wiped it dry. He held the socket firmly and pressed it forward gently as Colin squirmed his way into it, the appearance of his genitals through the hole in the base finally signalling the end of the process. Victor tightened a series of velcro straps across Colin’s chest and raised him to a sitting position and lowered him to the bedroom floor. Victor crossed the room and collected Colin’s peg arm.

            – Are you ready, Conrad? Do you want any help?

            – I’m fine, thanks, Victor. Let’s have breakfast and then you can help us doff these before our shower.

            – Fine. What would you like? I have some fresh smoked salmon this morning if you would like that on open sandwiches.

            – That sounds good. A Scandinavian style breakfast is very appropriate today, don’t you think?

 

It was delicious with several mugs of black coffee. The men returned to their bedroom and shucked as many of their artificial limbs and devices as they could. Victor helped remove their stump socks and lifted the men into a hot shower, flannelling them in turn with a soapy mitt and covered them in fluffy warm towels. He carried them back into the bedroom and placed them onto low chairs.

            – Would you like fresh stump socks or are these OK for you?

            – Those will do, Victor, thanks.

Victor repeated his earlier routine and again the guys were ready for action. They stumped into the lounge and checked the timetable for the day.

 

There was little point in arriving at OneOff before about eleven. That was enough time to check everything and to get the staff ready for service. Conrad had ordered a dozen white hoodies emblazoned with the OneOff logo in red along the left arm. The staff had been asked to wear whatever comfortable shorts they favoured. That was the house uniform. With peg legs.

 

Victor stripped the bed and changed the sheets, wiped down the bathroom, took towels, stump socks and clothes to the laundry room, made more coffee for the guys. The other jobs he would do later after they had left. Conrad and Colin fretted impatiently until ten forty-five when Conrad said he could not stand waiting any longer.

            – Let’s go! You have everything you need? Phone, keys, spare hook? Are you really not going to wear the long arm? It would look better in photos. There’s bound to be photographers at some point today.

            – Oh alright, I’ll put it on.

He waddled into the bedroom assisted by his peg arm, shucked it to reveal his artificial left arm and its work hook. He spent a few minutes working the large prosthesis onto his empty shoulder and called for Conrad to come and tighten the straps. Conrad finished the process with his own hooks. The sound of steel knocking against carbon sockets was arousing for both of them.

            – I’m getting horny again.

            – No time, sorry. Otherwise I’d say go for it! I love trying to make love to you when we’re kitted out like this. I love the sounds we make and the way we can no longer feel anything with our arms or legs. It’s so very erotic.

            – It will have to wait. Now let’s go and see what our new staff look like kitted out in their pegs. Ready?

 

They hobbled to the lift, descended to the car port and climbed into the eMini. Conrad drove slowly to Central Arcade and parked in his newly rented space in the underground service tunnel. They rode up to OneOff in the freight elevator. They stood at the kitchen door looking into the saloon. Perry’s vision of the future had finally materialised. OneOff was stunningly beautiful and its Sixties aesthetic looked futuristic rather than nostalgic. They moved into the room and inspected the bars. Everything looked ready. The third bar at the back was interesting because of its raised floor. It could be worked by amputees wearing stubbies and let them maintain the same eye level as normal customers.. Otherwise there was good standing room alongside it when the other bars were busy. Conrad went to the lounge area with its grouping of bright red Tomato easy chairs. Although they were completely rigid, they were comfortable with high backs and wide arm rests. Colin managed to climb into one but had some difficulty in gaining purchase on the slick plastic with his steel hooks. He sat back and looked at Colin standing in front of him, a black prosthesis hanging useless from his right shoulder, his left artificial arm’s hook beating a nervous rhythm against his torso socket. Two cylindrical stubbies on the base of the socket enabled him to stand stable. His detached peg arm leaned against his right shoulder.

 

            – We did it, Con. Congratulations all round!

            – Are you happy, Colin?

            – I feel fantastic. How do you feel?

            – Excited. And seeing you standing there is making me moist. You look so sexy.

            – Come on, let’s make some espresso while we wait for the guys.

 

They heard the freight lift whirr into action.

            – Someone’s coming. Let’s see who it is.

The lift doors opened and Tim and Louis appeared.

            – Hi guys! You’re the first to arrive. Want some coffee?

            – We just had some, thanks. Let’s get changed first and maybe have some then.

            – There’s a pile of new hoodies in the changing room and the keys are in all the lockers, so pick one and take the key. You can stash the peg and whatever in it instead of having to lug it to and fro every day.

 

Tim and Louis had both chosen to wear pegs on the right. They stripped down to their underwear, put a brand new hoody on and removed their pegs from their bags. Tim kneeled into his and strapped it on in under a minute. He asked Louis to feed the right leg of his short cargo pants over the end of the peg, pulled his shorts up and watched Louis replace his artificial limb with a peg leg. Louis needed a harness as well as a belt to wear the peg securely and had it over his t-shirt. He found a suitable hoody, tried it on and finished dressing with Tim feeding his cutoffs’ right trouser leg onto the peg for him.

            – Ready?

            – As ready as I’ll ever be.

            – Let’s go!

They strolled into the kitchen to wordlessly ask for approval from the owners.

            – Ha! You look fantastic! Both of you. How do they feel?

            – Just fine. We’ve been wearing them at home all this week and I’ve been on the tram with it. Couldn’t sit down wearing it, but otherwise it was OK.

            – Great! Have some espresso while the others arrive. I hope you didn’t have hangovers yesterday!

            – Only a mild one, gone by lunchtime.

 

The rest of the staff arrived, singly or in pairs. Seven youngsters kitted out in white hoodies all hobbled with matching old-style rigid wooden peg legs. They looked stunning. Apart from enjoying watching them walk, Colin and Conrad would be watching how they interacted with each other. Colin wanted a foreman for OneOff and would choose the most popular guy who showed most initiative. He already had a favourite but would not mention it before hearing Conrad’s choice.

 

Midday. A small group of eager faces waited outside. Conrad rocked over to the door, unlocked it with his token and stood back to welcome his first paying customers. One or two wished to leave their coats and bags. Conrad asked them to wait just a moment as he was unfortunately not tall enough to reach the storage. He caught Steve Taylor’s eye and beckoned him. Steve strutted over.

            – Steve, do you mind being the doorman for a couple of hours? Please take these people’s coats and belongings and give them a number.

            – No, I don’t mind at all. Hello! Shall I take your coat? Here you are, Number One. Hi! Yes, I can take your bags. Yes, it’s real. No, it doesn’t hurt. Well, if you look, you can see that we’re all wearing one. Here’s your token. Have a nice stay! Hello, yes, look at the other guys along the bar there. All wearing peg legs.

Conrad turned around little by little on his leather stubbies and crossed to join Colin who had gravitated to the far corner again, just as he had in Thirstysomething.

            – Poor Steve! I asked if he could be on the door for a bit and he’s being inundated with questions and comments about the peg legs. I hope he doesn’t get annoyed by it. I’ll ask someone else to take over soon. Do you think we ought to get someone to do just the door duties?

            – Let’s see how busy we get. It could be that there won’t be the demand. Any of the bar men can hand back coats or whatever if asked. People are bound to be curious about the pegs at first, aren’t they? But the next time they come, they won’t need to ask.

            – True enough.

 

Customers preferred the lower tables, setting their drinks down as they sat. The chairs were stable but the rotating seat was a little disconcerting at first. The Tomato armchairs were occupied next and last of all the seating around the normal size tables was taken. OneOff was full in its first ninety minutes with a lively hubbub about the décor and the disabled staff, who, on the other hand, did not seem to be handicapped in any way. Conrad relieved Steve from door duties and asked Nolan to stand guard for a while. Nolan felt he was the one who was being relieved.

            – The guys aren’t visible enough. They should be on view more. I want them to be seen not hidden behind the bar all the time. Shall we go the Czech route like we said?

            – What Czech route? What is in your mind?

            – You know, the waiters walk around slowly with beers in a holder and when a customer wants a beer, he just signals and the waiter brings him one.

            – Oh, that Czech route. Well, it would probably work when we’re busy, two of them could wander round, but I wouldn’t myself like to buy a beer which has been wandering around the bar for twenty minutes if it’s not busy.

            – No. Look at Nolan. Doesn’t he look like the cat who just got the cream?

Nolan stood with his arms behind his back with his legs splayed and watched his mates with a smile.

            – I love that look they have. I suppose it’s because the peg is rigid so it encourages an erect stance. Makes it hard to slouch or fidget about.

            – Yeah, they’re a good-looking bunch. Listen, it’s Leather Night and I think one of us should be there to greet the guys. Do you want to go or shall I?

            – I’ll go. It’s easier for me with the car.

            – That’s what I was thinking. Are you going to put your leathers on?

            – Why not? They match my stubbies. I’ll come back here some time soon after midnight.

            – OK. Alex can lock up. We’ll go home from here.

 

The door opened and Mr Colin Allan stepped in.

            – Hello, son. Is the boss around?

            – Yes, over there in the far corner.

            – Thanks. Hello, you two. You’ve done it again. Good god almighty, what’s happened to you?

            – Hello Colin, do sit down. Well, first Colin lost his legs in a road accident. Then I lost my arm to a trash compactor. Then I lost my legs and Colin lost his other arm in ways which, I’m afraid, are still too raw and traumatic for us to talk about. Suffice it to say, we are now both quadruple amputees, totally reliant on prosthetics and the occasional helping hand. It’s nice to see you again. Would you like a beer?

            – That would be most kind.

Colin beckoned Louis over. Allan watched him, fascinated. He wore a peg leg and his other leg was prosthetic too.

            – Louis, would you be so kind as to bring Mr Allan a beer?

            – Of course, what would you like? Pale ale, IPA or lager?

            – Oh, a pale ale would hit the spot, thank you.

Louis turned with a little effort and set off. Colin Allan seemed bewildered.

            – Gentlemen, once again I would like to write about your latest accomplishment and its unique qualities. The article would appear in next Friday’s edition.

            – That’s very good of you. Ah, here’s your ale. Conrad here can tell you about OneOff’s origin, since it was his idea last Christmas, wasn’t it?

            – Yes. We felt that we wanted to do something new and different, not that there’s anything wrong with Thirstysomething. And we felt that we could employ other disabled young men, namely leg amputees.

Conrad gave an abridged version of the process leading to the opening. He mentioned nothing about the odd characters in the background, Daniel Perry and Ferguson, Philip Lee and James, and their limblessness. Allan was an old-style journalist and made copious notes as Conrad was talking. He asked a few questions about where such unusual furniture had come from and about future plans. He managed three more beers before excusing himself, thanking his hosts and departing, saluting Nolan at the door on the way out.

Colin noticed and beckoned to Nolan.

            – Do you want to carry on at the door or shall I ask someone else to take over?

            – I’m OK there for a while yet. But it would be more fun to be behind the bar a bit later when it picks up again.

            – Well, stay there for another half an hour and then I’ll ask someone else to take over. Are you getting tips from the customers as they leave?

            – I got a fiver from one man – bald guy with a big black beard. Maybe you noticed him. But otherwise, no.

            – OK, thanks. Con, do you think we should set a price for storing coats and stuff?

            – No, because it’s like a fine if you want to pop in with a bag of shopping or something. Lee doesn’t charge anything for his services, does he? He just seems to be able to entice people to give a gratuity. They hand over a good bit of beer money during the month. We’ll have to think of a way to let OneOff’s guys have the same chance of a bit of extra cash.

 

Marc and Trenton came in and shook hooks with Nolan and shared a quick private joke with him. Nolan took their jackets. The pair displayed their artificial arms. Lee noticed the bosses in the corner and raised a hook in greeting. They went to the bar and managed to work they way through the throng of customers.

            – Hiya! How’s it going?

            – No complaints so far. What’ll you have?

            – Couple of lagers, please mate.

Trenton paid and the pair grabbed their beers in their hooks and moved away from the bar. Conrad called them over to the corner.

            – Hi guys! Welcome to OneOff! Trenton, did you pay for that?

            – Sure. Of course I did!

            – Well, you don’t need to. Beers are on the house today. The rest of the gang had their share on Thursday night. Hey Nolan, mate!

Conrad waved at Nolan and beckoned him over.

            – Nolan, you can go back behind the bar now. Send Weston out as doorman and tell everyone quietly that men with hooks drink for free today.

            – Right!

He spun on his peg and strutted back to the bar. Weston appeared, shot an enquiring look at Conrad and pointed at the door. Conrad nodded and Weston gave a thumbs up.

 

The pair of them spent most of the afternoon watching everything and everyone from their corner vantage point. Colin needed a pee and went off to the loo. Conrad followed him shortly. Colin’s genitals would hang from the hole in his torso socket but the codpiece covering, held on by press-studs, had to be removed first. Colin could not manage it himself because his hook would not bend to the necessary angle. Conrad eased the finger of a hook under each edge and pulled. Colin rested his penis on his hook and pissed into the drain on the floor. Conrad replaced his codpiece and shorts. They rocked back to their corner.

            – Will you be OK here now? Shall I get you something to eat? Drink? No? Right, I’ll see you around midnight. Behave yourself.

Conrad stumped to the freight lift and descended to his car. He arrived at Thirstysomething soon after six with the evening’s first leather guys. He made a quick inspection of the bar, checking levels in beer tanks, liquor bottles, how full the fridge was, cleanliness of the floor and tabletops, and a quick appraisal of the staff. All were bright-eyed and appeared calm and collected. He waved a hook at two familiar leathermen and they jerked their chins at him in response. He sat in Colin’s habitual place, his stubbies poking forward under the table. He plucked his phone out of his shirt pocket and laid it flat. A message had arrived in the afternoon and Conrad wanted some privacy before answering.

 

            I understand from my friend that you wish to enquire about the special service I provide. Please use the encrypted web address below to make contact. All details must be discussed face-to-face in a mutually agreed place. Nothing should be submitted electronically.

 

Conrad used the address to reply.

            Thank you for contacting me. Please name a convenient location and time for a meeting.

He tapped a hook tip on send.

Three minutes later, a response arrived.

            Monday May 3rd Southern War Memorial 14:00

Conrad confirmed and felt pleased knowing that the process was under way. The War Memorial site was two hundred kilometres away but had ample parking and was secluded.

 

Stubber arrived shortly before nine. He used the door bell at the top of the steps and the revolving blue light alerted Frederik to open the back door for a guest.

            – Hi Stubber, good to see you.

            – Likewise, mate.

            – Is there much of a crowd in?

            – Quite a few guys at the bar.

            – Good show.

He stumped in, shouted a greeting and sat down under the window. He was soon surrounded by his leather friends and admirers. Conrad watched them, feeling a little ignored despite wearing a leather jacket and shorts himself. His hooks poked out from his jacket sleeves and he fidgeted with his phone. He knew he would feel jittery until he met the Amputator in two and a half weeks. He activated his right elbow and his right hook rose. Shrugging, he was then able to open and close the hook. Using his right prosthetic arm was always a little slow but he had had it for only nine months or so and he thought some of the difficulty lay in the differing ways his prostheses worked. Perhaps if his artificial arms worked identically, he’d be able to get into the rhythm of using them as a pair instead of favouring the left. He might even be able to do more. And there was the additional attraction of improved body symmetry. All in all, becoming a bilateral above-elbow amputee with body-powered prosthetic arms would very possibly be an improvement in quality of life. He would discuss it with Colin first. Colin had only one functioning AE prosthesis. His right arm was nominally functional but Colin found it too complicated to operate. He called it his sleeve stuffer. His left artificial arm was like the one Conrad wore on his right.

 

Conrad slipped down from his perch and went to chat with Lee at the door. He meant to ask about the gratuities which continued to accrue in generous measure for Thirstysomething’s staff. Instead he found himself asking Lee about his amputations.

            – Lee, you’ve been an amp for a few years, haven’t you?

            – It’ll be fifteen years this summer since my accident.

            – I’ve never asked you what happened. You don’t mind talking about it, do you?

            – No, I’m fine with it. I came off the back of a moped and my arms got caught up in the spokes. They were both severed there and then. I was only ten. I was off school for nine months while I had a series of operations and ended up as you see me today.

            – And how long was it before you got your prostheses?

            – That took another year. I had to undergo tests and rehabilitation and more tests. And I was growing all the time so my stumps were changing shape. I finally got a pair of arms on my twelfth birthday. They worked like these but were that horrible pink and had primitive artificial hands instead of hooks. I wore them for two years until they became too ridiculously small for me. Then I had longer pink arms until I left school. They had a hand on the left and a hook on the right. As soon as I left school, I had a new pair of carbon fibre sockets made with these Hosmer hooks and finally looked like I wanted rather than how some prosthetist thought I should look.

            – Interesting. I wasn’t even offered the choice of pink for these sockets. Black seems to be the default. I think if you’re going to have an artificial limb, it might as well look artificial instead of resembling a natural one. It rarely looks convincing.

            – No, it doesn’t.

            – Do you ever feel kind of unbalanced or lopsided by having different length arms? We’re both AE and BE and I find using both hooks together is quite a struggle. The left hook is the one I always use because I have that elbow and the right needs more attention and effort to position it properly.

            – Yeah, I know what you mean. I have the same format but reversed. I use my right hook most because I am right-handed, if you know what I mean. But I don’t have any problem activating the above-elbow arm. Don’t forget, Conrad, I’ve had these things for over half my life since I was little so I’m pretty used to them. Yours are still brand new, especially the AE. It takes time to get used to them.

            – There’s another thing. I’ve been thinking that if both my arms were the same type, above elbow, I would be more balanced and fluid using both hooks.

            – It’s possible I suppose but I don’t think they make AE prostheses for BE amps.

            – No, I was thinking of having a revision done.

            – To amputate your elbow? Wow! That’s extreme! So then you’d have two stumps the same length and the same prosthetics. I’m not sure but I should think that you would learn the same movements to use the hooks sort of symmetrically. It probably wouldn’t be easier but it might feel more balanced.

            – Yeah. Thanks, Lee. You’ve been very helpful.

            – Don’t mention it. How was OneOff, by the way?

            – It was fine. Lots of customers and the crew looks happy but, I don’t know. There’s something missing which this place has and OneOff doesn’t. I can’t put my finger on it. Oh, and the customers there don’t tip as they leave. What’s your secret? How come you rake it in?

            – Perhaps it’s my boyish charm or my pitiful disability which does the trick. And some people just want to watch me work the cash register.

            He tapped a couple of its keys.

            – Maybe you should get one for OneOff and a handsome legless guy to operate it.

            – Ha! You may be on to something there. I’ll have to ask Colin about getting a dedicated doorman. We’ve talked about it already today.

 

Conrad returned to his corner, but couldn’t face another three lonely hours so he stumped across to the bar and found a stool free and thought about how to get onto the seat. With knee-length rigid legs, jumping up was out of the question.

            – Fred, would you do me a favour? Come round here and help me get my arse onto this stool, will you?

A bearded leatherman heard him and asked if he needed a lift.

            – Yes please, mate. If you can pick me up under my armpits and hold on until I get my balance.

Fred watched as the customer lifted Conrad. He tried to steady himself on the seat but his steel hooks found no purchase on the slippery marble counter and he had no leg muscles available to move his butt to maintain his balance. He was also hopelessly top heavy.

            – This isn’t going to work. Sorry, can you get me down again? Thanks for your help.

            – Don’t mention it. Shame about that. What you need is a hard flat seat, mate.

            – Yeah, I think you’re right. Thanks anyway.

He went to the kitchen to get a mug of coffee and took it to his corner. He flicked through a few apps on his phone for a few minutes and messaged Colin. OneOff was busy and people seemed to be enjoying themselves including the staff who were also getting to know each other. Conrad complained that he was bored stiff. Colin said come back to OneOff then, you tit.

            – Alex, I have to go back to OneOff so can I ask you to lock up? We don’t want to come back here again tonight. Thanks a lot.

 

Conrad waved goodbye to the entire room and made his escape. He climbed into the eMini, drove slowly off and parked outside OneOff, remembering to stick his wheelchair symbol on the windscreen. He manoeuvred himself over the doorstep and said hi to Steve who was back on door duty. Colin was in the corner propped up standing in a chair, deep in conversation with a woman in a business suit and a guy with a professional camera around his neck. He stumped over, curious. The photographer noticed him first and moved aside slightly.

            – Ah, there you are. This is my partner Conrad Alton. Everything OK at Thirstysomething, Con?

            – Yes, weekends are always good for business. Stubber sends his best.

            – I should introduce you. Conrad, this is Liz Palmer and Zac Wilson from Modern Design magazine. They stood. Zac nodded and Ms Palmer held out her hand, taking Conrad’s hook and shaking gently.

            – Pleased to meet you, Mr Alton. We heard earlier today that OneOff had opened and drove down especially as we wanted to see it as soon as possible. We would love to run a story about this interior in particular since it is strongly influenced by design trends from six decades ago which we hope our readership will find fascinating. Your colleague has also been describing your unusual recruitment policy which I find tremendously impressive. We are waiting now until closing time when it will be possible to shoot the interior without intruding on your clients’ privacy but we hope you will consent to appear in our pages.

            – Ah, well, I’m hardly presentable…

Zac smirked.

            – You look very smart. The ambience here will reflect off your leather and result in an excellent portrait. Excuse me for asking, but would you like some help in being seated at the table? I’m sure you would be more comfortable.

            – Yes, thank you. Place me next to Colin and you can shoot a joint portrait.

Zac moved to stand in front of Conrad and bent to place his hands around Conrad’s armpits. He lifted him and walked around to seat him by Colin. Their faces were very close and they made eye contact. Zac winked.

            – There. Do you mind if I shoot a few frames?

            – No, please go ahead.

            – Just relax and behave normally. Ignore the camera.

            – Mr Alton, I understand that you were at your other premises. Is it of a similar design to OneOff?

            – Oh no, this is much more exotic. Thirstysomething has a theme from the Seventies. There is a quantity of Italian marble, smoked grey Perspex chairs, and the notorious sculptures one of which cost Colin his legs.

            – How extraordinary! It sounds fascinating. Might we visit it?

            – Of course, but tonight it will be a bit messy after the crowd leaves at two. But it will have been cleaned by eleven tomorrow morning and should be presentable for an hour until the midday customers arrive.

            – Perhaps we could run another article about your other bar in the following edition. Do I understand correctly that the staff there are also disabled?

            – That’s not the way we think of ourselves but, yes, you are correct. We are all arm amputees, some of us double amputees. Our unofficial mission is to prove that we can succeed just as well as any able-bodied person.

            – I should say rather better, Mr Alton. Modern Design has never run an item on new commercial premises with such enthusiasm. And there may now be two!

 

Zac quietly continued shooting portraits, sometimes including a hook or two. The owners’ leg amputations were not depicted. He had the hots for Conrad in his leather jacket and shorts and the amazing leather stubbies which made Zac’s erect penis twitch. He was perilously close to cumming. Ms Palmer chatted about other restaurant interiors she had seen as if it were the most interesting subject in the world. Conrad beckoned Steve Taylor over from the door and asked if he could bring a pot of coffee and a few sandwiches from the kitchen.

            – Yes, is cheese and tomato suitable?

They agreed that it was. Steve returned presently with two white enamel mugs and two cups and saucers.

            – Did you ask him for mugs?

            – No. You don’t mind, do you?

            – No, not at all. I’m just impressed with his thoughtfulness.

Coffee arrived after a few minutes with a cafetière of robusta, sugar, cream and teaspoons.

            – Would you like anything else? The food is almost ready.

            – No thank you, Steve.

A few moments later he returned with a large plate full of open sandwiches, four smaller plates and a packet of serviettes.

            – Let me know if there’s anything else you’d like.

            – Thanks, Steve.

He spun on his peg and strutted back to his position on the door and stood facing into the room watching his colleagues.

            – How remarkable. I haven’t seen such courteous and efficient service since we were in Rostock. Do you remember, Zac?

            – You mean the blond boy with the handlebar moustache? Yes, he was something special.

Zac was edging closer.

 

The last customers left just after half past one. Steve bade them good night and returned to the bar to help his mates start clearing up. Colin watched him. He had decided on OneOff’s foreman. Conrad locked the front door and announced the end of service.

            – I think we could take a few photos of the staff, perhaps standing along the bar there. They might be good if we need filler.

            – Yes, they might. Would you object?

            – No. If the boys are willing, go right ahead.

Zac set his camera to video and shot the lads strutting from one bar to the front of another. Then a series of photos of the seven standing smartly to attention, legs spread a little. They were superb examples of young manhood and Zac finally ejaculated into his underwear.

 

Colin dismissed the lads, thanking them for a successful opening day and wished them good night. Several of them removed their pegs and replaced them with their standard prosthetic limbs but three just changed their hoodies for jackets and put on a pair of over-trousers. Their pegs would stay on until bedtime.

 

Liz Palmer directed Zac in the empty saloon. Shoot the lighting, take close-ups of the Tomato armchairs, capture the floor. Zac did so and finally switched his camera back to video mode. He would shoot footage of Conrad and Colin after he lifted them down from the chairs onto the floor. He would have enough wank material to last him weeks.

 

            – We’ll be back at whatever time is most convenient for you tomorrow. We’d also like to see Thirstysomething, of course. Zac, call a cab, would you?

            – Let’s meet here at ten fifteen. The cleaners should be gone by then and the place will be presentable.

            Colin switched off the lights and the four departed.

 

Colin was so exhausted he slept in his torso socket. Conrad kicked his stubbies off and cuddled up to Colin’s torso. Victor woke them as instructed at nine, washed and fed them and assembled their constituent equipment. They were on their way by ten.

 

Liz Palmer and Zac were waiting for them when they arrived at ten past ten. Zac videoed them unobtrusively, being careful to capture Conrad’s stubbies and his efforts in removing Colin from the front seat with two hooks and attaching his peg arm. He wasn’t wearing his sleeve stuffer today.

            – Good morning! Thank you for coming so early, It’s very kind of you.

            – Our pleasure. Please don’t mention it. Let’s go inside and you can start work. We’ll try to stay out of the way but if you’d like us to move, just say so.

Yes, thought Zac, I will ask you to move, don’t worry.

Ms Palmer directed her photographer again, making sure every angle was captured, every detail of the furniture from every angle, and after thirty minutes declared their work here done.

            – It’s not far to Thirstysomething but perhaps too far to walk in the time we have available. If you don’t mind squeezing into the back of our car, we’ll give you a lift.

            – OK with me.

            – Yes, thank you, we’ll manage.

Conrad let them climb in first and lifted Colin into his seat. He sat in the driver’s seat and shucked his stubbies, completely unnecessarily.

            – Zac, would you mind holding these for a few minutes? I normally just throw them into the back when I’m driving.

Zac took the leather-covered stubbies and arranged them on his lap so that they pressed firmly against his growing erection. It was going to be another difficult morning.

 

Thirstysomething looked pristine and the journalists repeated their performance. Colin retreated to his corner and Conrad went into the kitchen. By half past eleven, they were ready. Conrad asked if they would like some coffee. Zac nodded enthusiastically and Ms Palmer thanked him. Zac walked over to the kitchen. His camera was videoing everything.

            – You have a fine place here. I’m sure Liz’ll be able to get two stories out of our visit.

            – Good. Zac, I know you’re filming me right now. I can see the red indicator light. And I hope you got enough footage yesterday, too. I don’t mind you being a devotee but I ask in the name of decency that you keep the material to yourself and don’t post it all over the net, OK?

            – Understood. Sorry, I try to be discrete. I don’t post on the net, ever.

            – That’s alright, then. Shake?

He offered a hook and Zac took it in his hand, holding it for a second or two longer than was normal.

 

They drank their coffee and departed as the Sunday shift began to arrive. At least Thirstysomething’s hook wearers had been saved from Zac’s wank collection.

 

Colin and Conrad waited long enough for all of the Sunday crew to arrive and managed a quick chat about how the opening had gone. But they wanted to get back to their new place and asked Alex to shut up shop if neither of them were present.

 

OneOff was in full swing when they arrived. Nolan was on the door and both bars were operating. There was a good crowd of customers buying their first beers and most of the tables were at least partly occupied. Including their corner table.

            – Argh, someone’s nicked our table, Colin. Where are we going to sit? Hey, I know. Follow me, please.

He stumped over to the bar along the back wall and Colin rocked his bucket forward with his peg arm behind him. Customers watched them in astonishment. Conrad managed to climb the first of three steps up to the bar and waited for Colin. Colin removed his peg arm and offered a hook to Conrad, who leant back and tried pulling his mate up. Steve pegged over quickly and offered to help and Nolan arrived to stand at his side.

            – If you can grab me under my armpit and around my waist, you can probably get me up there.

The two managed to get Colin up three steps safely and with no trouble. Conrad moved along the bar activating the pumps and other equipment.

            – Colin mate, are you OK there? Turn the music system on and you can be the DJ.

            – This control desk is a bit too high for me at the moment. I can’t bend my arm enough to reach the sensors. I need another twenty centimetres. Is there anything out the back I could stand on?

            – I’ll go and have a look. Don’t run away.

 

Conrad clambered down and stubbed off toward the kitchen and changing room. There might be some plywood or something for Colin to stand on. Then he remembered that there might be some of the old discarded worktops and cupboard drawers by the recycling post if there had not yet been a collection. He went out to take a look and saw exactly what he was looking for. A thick piece of counter and two deep drawers. He went back and asked for a volunteer or two. Steve and Michael followed him.

            – Can you bring these bits back in and put them where Colin’s sitting? We have to jack him up a bit so he can reach the music controls. Michael managed to stack the drawers on top of each other and carried them carefully back inside, through to the bar. Steve managed the large piece of old countertop. Colin dragged himself further along the bar and the guys constructed a half metre deep and metre long platform resting on two drawers. Steve stepped up onto it and thumped it a couple of times with his peg leg.

            – Feels safe enough. Shall we help you up, Colin?

            – Yes please.

Within seconds, he was standing in front of the music controls, testing the reach with his prosthesis, phone at the ready. He intended to stream some music when the system had linked to his phone. The sensor flashed green and Colin selected Music For Airports. Brian Eno’s fifty year old ambient piece filled OneOff, not loud but listenable. It was the perfect background, exactly what had been missing yesterday. Conrad caught his eye and raised his hooks into the air. It was a bilateral amputee’s version of thumbs up. Two newly arrived customers strolled around, looking at the new bar and stopped in front of Conrad. Some of the pegleggers paused to watch.

            – Hi! What can I get you?

            – Couple of lagers, please mate.

Conrad grabbed onto a glass, turned it over halfway, put it down, leaned towards it and picked it up again. The customer seemed confused and asked Anything wrong, mate?

            – No more than usual, thanks for asking. No problem.

Conrad set the tap running while he turned a second upside down beer glass the right way up. He carefully carried the full glass and placed it onto the counter in front of the customer.

            – Well, I’ll be buggered. Never seen that before.

His friend got a lager too.

            – Six sixty please. Half price beer this weekend. Card only. Thanks!

Because of the raised floor behind the counter, customers could not see that the bar tender was legless. Conrad realised what he had been missing. A bit of music and something practical to do. Now both projects were up and running, there was nothing else on the agenda to keep him occupied.

            – Colin, what would you say to the idea of me being here sort of permanently and you keeping an eye on Thirstysomething? It’s great doing a bit behind the counter again. Doesn’t it feel good to you?

            – Sure. The thing is, Con, I’m so disabled that I need help with everything. You saw how it took two guys just to get me up here. I rely on you so much for help that I don’t know if I can manage a bar on my own any longer.

            – You have Alex and the rest of the guys to lend a hand, well, you know what I mean, if you need it. You’re not alone there. I think even Alex would appreciate having the boss at hand. It’s been quite a big responsibility we’ve put on his shoulders over the past few weeks and it’s not really fair on him.

            – Yeah, I see your point. You’re right. OK, let’s give it a try. Starting Tuesday.

 

Extract from the Gazette & Advertiser, April 23rd

 

Almost a year ago, Messrs Colin Colby and Conrad Alton

opened the successful bar on Station Road, “Thirtysomething”.

Last weekend they opened their second bar in Central Arcade

and they have succeeded in surpassing themselves. Entering

“OneOff”, as the new arrival is called, is like stepping into the

future. The interior resembles an airport and the furniture is

simple but comfortable. Three bars are available, for the sale

of various beers, cocktails, wine and stronger stuff. Light meals

can be prepared to order. As with “Thirtysomething”, the entire

staff is comprised of disabled young men who present an

astonishing spectacle but despite their handicaps, provide

courteous and efficient service to customers from five to

midnight…

 

            – He misspelled Thirstysomething. Twice!

 

M A Y

 

In the evening of Sunday, May second, Conrad sent Colin a text message saying he had something to see to the next day which had suddenly come up and would be away from about ten to six. It was a lie. He was off to his secret meeting with the Amputator. No problem, answered Colin. Talk later.

 

Conrad enjoyed being behind the counter again. He had an easy way with customers, swapping banter, laughing at jokes, frowning in commiseration and the like. He was mobile enough on his stubbies and proficient enough with his hooks to handle a beer glass. But it would be short lived if he went ahead with his planned amputations. He would lose his leg stumps completely and wear a torso socket like Colin’s. And his left arm would be truncated to the same length as his right stump.

 

He would wear a shoulder harness to which two body-powered artificial arms with their mechanical elbows were attached. He would be able to preselect one of three possible angles for his forearms after which he could operate the hooks. Moving the elbows again would require great skill and concentration to keep the hooks closed. The same shoulder movements controlled both elbows and hooks and their selection was toggled by an accurately performed shrug. It would be difficult. It would be impossible to serve beer to customers again.

 

He realised that his dick had once again become erect while he was imagining his future body image. He accepted that although his brain was still not sure what it seemed to want, his libido knew well enough. He had enjoyed enough erections thinking about his impossible new artificial arms and the peg arms he would need to move around wearing his torso socket.

 

Once again, he determined to go through with his modifications.

 

Later, in the early morning hours, he lay awake next to his best mate’s legless, rounded torso with its one rigid arm stump and wanked. His leg stumps twitched and Colin stirred. Conrad waited a minute before continuing. His knob was getting sore but now he had to cum. Imagining himself making love as one legless torso to another, he ejaculated into the bed sheets and slept in the mess.

 

On Mondays, Victor had the whole day off. Conrad was up by seven, pawed his stubbies on and went to the bathroom for a quick shower. He looked in the fridge to see if Vic had left anything for breakfast and found some sandwiches wrapped in paper, and leaving half for Colin, scoffed them and called it breakfast. He drank some water instead of making coffee. Next he dressed. Fresh clean t-shirt, different shorts, stump socks on arms, harness on, stumps into sockets. Lifting his arms, he shrugged until the harness settled into a comfortable position and he was ready. He found his phone and sat on the floor reading the news. He would wait until Colin was awake before leaving. It was too early anyway. They could make coffee together.

 

What would Colin think when Conrad returned from his revision completely altered and disabled even more severely? He was doing it for Colin. No, that was a lie. He was doing it for himself because he was selfish. No, he wanted to make love to Colin in the way he deserved. He would be able to wield his penis in untried ways without his stumps. For Colin. For himself. Colin would hardly leave him. Where would he go? Who could love a legless torso? Only another legless torso. Colin called out.

            – Con, are you out there?

            – Yup. You awake?

            – Just about. Is there any breakfast?

            – Sandwiches. You want coffee?

            – Of course I want coffee! Come and give me a hand.

 

Conrad stumped back to the bedroom and plucked a fresh body stump sock from a drawer. He held it while Colin squirmed into it. Conrad slid the torso socket up as far as he could. Colin pushed his body deeper into it until his cock and balls reappeared. Conrad tightened the velcro straps. He pulled Colin gently over the edge of the bed until the socket touched the floor and then pulled his lover erect. Colin raised his stump and Conrad pushed the crutch onto it. Colin heaved himself to the bathroom, shucked the peg arm and washed using his arm stump. Clean enough, he called for help to don his prosthetic arm and the pair were ready.

 

Conrad found a tin of ground coffee from a low cupboard and tipped an approximate amount into a glass coffee pot. Five minutes later they were enjoying their first mug of the day. Conrad tried to imagine how he could possibly cope with helping Colin when he too was completely and utterly legless. The mental stream of contradictions started again.

 

            – I’ll be back tonight around six. Can you get someone here if you need something?

            – Alex has promised to be on stand-by if needed. I gave him the spare key yesterday.

            – Oh good. Where would we be without people like Alex? It looks like Victor left two lunches in the fridge. You can have mine too if you get hungry. I can pick up a burger.

            – What is it you’re going to be doing?

            – I don’t want to let on. I want it to be a surprise.

            – You are a funny bugger.

 

Conrad arrived at the Southern Memorial at twelve thirty. He left the car and stumped over to see the enormous statue commemorating the fallen and read some of the inscriptions. He returned to the car, got his phone out and read for a while, listening to music. At thirteen fifty, a Land Rover pulled in alongside and a tweedy-looking country gentleman got out and approached.

            – Good afternoon. I am looking for Mr Alton.

            – Good afternoon. I am Conrad Alton. And you would be the gentleman who provides special services.

            – I am indeed. Shall we talk? Are you able to get into my vehicle?

            – I shall try.

Conrad managed with a shove from behind. He sat in the passenger seat and watched the Amputator circle both vehicles. He was checking them with a sensor which would indicate any active recording devices. He got into his vehicle and turned to face Conrad.

            – Please turn your phone off completely. One must be cautious, you understand.

            – Yes, of course.

            – Now, what kind of amputation do you require? You seem already to have more than your fair share of them.

            – I want my leg stumps to be disarticulated from my pelvis leaving a round torso stump. And I want identical length above-elbow arm stumps, so an AE amputation of my left arm stump. I want to be able to use prosthetic arms in combination with peg arm crutches for mobility in my torso socket, or bucket as it is sometimes called.

            – It is indeed. Well, you will be restricted in your mobility but you should be able to move short distances under your own power with suitable crutches. You already have experience of an AE prosthetic arm, I see, so I need not explain their drawbacks to you. You will be able to manipulate some things after considerable rehabilitation but you will never be quick or fluid in movement. You do intend to use body powered prosthetics, I assume?

            – Yes, I do. The trusty old hooks are far more versatile than bionic hands with their built-in obsolescence.

            – You know your stuff. Now, our sculptor friend Philip tells me that you have directed a considerable amount of work his way and he has assured me that there will be more to come. Therefore I am going to offer you your three amputations at cost. The total price for you will be twelve thousand. I suggest that if you have budgeted for a greater amount that you use the money to purchase new prosthetics from Philip. You may not have realised it, but he is a skilled prosthetist. We have collaborated before. He sculpts the required sockets and my prosthetic technician adds the necessary hinges and cables and what-have-you. I have in mind a timetable of two weeks from admission to release, May the twenty-fourth to June the seventh. I hope that is a convenient time for you. Otherwise your next opportunity will be in late autumn.

 

Conrad listened to the Amputator’s melodious voice with its hint of rural accent describing radical mutilation as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

            – How will I reach your facilities?

            – You will be collected from this same spot at fourteen hundred hours and transported to the facility. Two weeks later, you will be returned to this spot at the same time and I trust that you will have arranged connecting transport. Otherwise, you will find yourself in rather a pickle.

            – It sounds most agreeable. How do I make the payment?

            – I will communicate with you using the encrypted web address we used before. I will supply an account number and will confirm receipt of your payment. Thereafter the next time we communicate will be at the facility. I have one more thing to explain to you. Due to the extreme maiming you wish for your lower body, Philip will make you an approximate socket in advance. You will supply him with a series of measurements which he can explain better than I. You will need some kind of carapace to be able to sit. The socket will have a hole for your genitals and a detachable codpiece. Two short cylinders will be fitted under the socket to be your rigid little legs. They are detachable should you wish to sit on the base of the socket. And should you decide on a pair of matching wooden arms, I suggest you discuss their manufacture with Philip. One of your stumps will remain untouched and the prosthetic limb will fit as before after your procedures are complete.

            – Who will perform the surgery?

            – I will act as surgeon. I have many decades of such amputations behind me. Your safety, from the surgical viewpoint, is assured.

            – Two weeks off work…

            – No, dear boy. The rest of your life!

 

Conrad drove back, stopping only once to buy a hamburger and to recharge his car for twenty minutes. The first thing he needed to do after getting back was contact Philip Lee to order the new torso socket. He also thought about a new pair of AE arms. Maybe he could have different pairs of various lengths. A pair with immovable stump sockets which restricted the forearms’ range of motion. A pair with short forearms, hooks barely touching across his wooden torso socket. A pair with long conical pegs instead of forearms for going out strolling. He hooked his erect penis into a more comfortable position.

 

            – Con, is that you? Hi! Did you get your business seen to?

            – Well, let’s say I’ve made a good start. I’m going to have to take some time off, maybe up to two weeks around the end of the month.

            – What on earth are you up to? I wish you’d tell me. It’s not preparations for my thirtieth, is it? Because you don’t need to make a fuss about that.

            – No it’s not that, although we will make a big fuss, don’t worry! OK, I’ll come clean. I’m having a revision done on my left arm stump. There’s something wrong with it and I want it seen to.

            – You’ve not mentioned it before. Is it painful?

            – It can be sometimes. But I want it seen to as soon as possible and the next available time is in October or later.

            – You said it was to be a surprise. That’s an odd sort of surprise but you have my blessing. But we’re going to have to decide on a foreman for OneOff who can see things are running smoothly when you’re away. I have someone in mind already but I’d like your opinion before I name any names.

            – I’ve been watching Steve Taylor. He gets on well with the customers, the rest of the guys like him, he’s very professional and I think he has enough respect that if he was foreman, the others wouldn’t have their noses put out of joint. Who were you thinking of?

            – Steve Taylor!

            – I’ll tell him tomorrow. I hope he accepts. I like him too. It would be good to work alongside him.

 

Conrad drove Colin to Thirstysomething at three on Tuesday afternoon and helped him inside and onto his customary perch in the corner. He continued to OneOff and stumped around giving the place a careful inspection, checking the cleanliness and tidiness of the interior, the condition in which the guys had left the bars on Sunday night. As he moved around, he thought about doing these things on crutches. He suddenly realised that his driving licence would have to be reclassified. That was important. He would have to be back driving soon after returning home.

 

First though, Philip Lee. He tapped out an email explaining that he would need a torso socket for himself to be ready on June the seventh at the latest to be delivered to the Amputator’s facility. He could provide only approximate measurements. A new pair of bilateral AE prostheses was also needed. Assuming the new stump was indeed identical to the first, a mirror image would suffice. He could scan his right stump easily enough. Lee could interpolate from that. A new harness would also be necessary. The forearms should be ten centimetres shorter than natural length. Please advise.

 

He slipped down from the bench and made sure he had Lee’s scanner in his locker. Trenton had mentioned wanting a wooden arm socket to attach a passive hook to. He could come via OneOff and they could do the scan today.

            – Trenton, hi! It’s Conrad. Listen, do you remember saying you’d like a wooden socket for your big hook? Well, I’m going to be sending off some orders for new gear to the maker this week and I thought we might as well get yours done too in the same batch. Can you drop in to OneOff on your way to work? Yes today. Now. Right! See you.

 

The lift door slammed and Con looked to see who might appear. It was Louis on long wooden crutches, his AK stump in a folded-up trouser leg and a peg leg on his BK side.

            – Wow, Louis! You look fantastic, mate. Come and sit down for a minute.

            – Can’t sit right now, sorry. I can stand in front of you, if that’s OK.

He thrust his crutches forward. The peg followed. After a couple of strides, he was at Conrad’s table.

            – I’ll change into my work legs in a minute, don’t worry. I’ve been one-pegged since Sunday night. I went home like this and left my other legs here. This is such a cool way of getting about. I love the way the peg is so rigid and shocking to see. My mate says I walk on it like it’s the way I was meant to be.

            – I’m glad the pegs are a success. But I wanted to ask you something. Would you accept the position of deputy foreman at OneOff? Steve Taylor will be chief and he’ll appreciate having someone else to help him keep things ticking over here. You two would be in charge of running the place if I’m not around for a while.

            – Oh, well that’s a surprise! Thank you very much. Yes, I’d like to accept that position. Steve and I are good mates.

            – I know. I’ve been watching how you all interact with each other. Well, that’s fine. I’m relieved. Don’t mention this to any of the others yet. Even Steve doesn’t know. I’ll make an announcement a bit later in the week when everyone is here.

            – OK. Thanks, Conrad. Well, I’d better get changed.

He moved his crutches back a little and repositioned the peg before turning toward the changing room. He moves so elegantly, thought Conrad.

 

A message arrived from Philip Lee.

Delighted to hear from you. All your prosthetics will be waiting for you at the facility by your departure time. For the torso socket, I need a scan of your torso as is, front and back, both sides, taken with your arms lifted above your head. Also the following measurements… The socket will have 10 cm long cylindrical stubby legs, hard rubber, removable. New arm stump will resemble the old, therefore a scan of your AE stump will suffice. Please scan your shoulders front and back for the harness fitting. The forearms will not resemble natural arms. They will be cylindrical, 5 cm in diameter 20 cm long without hooks and will be fitted with standard Hosmer 5. If natural shape required, please forward appropriate scan.

 

Conrad replied.

Excellent news. Many thanks. I have a suggestion about the codpiece covering on the torso socket. I am aroused by my prosthetic equipment and would appreciate a more accommodating codpiece. It should also be removable with my bilat AE hooks. There is an extra order - an arm socket for employee.

 

I understand. How lucky you are. I will send renders of a codpiece design for your approval. Now I await receipt of your data for the sockets. Time is of the essence.

 

Trenton appeared outside OneOff. Conrad waddled over and unlocked the door, let Trenton in and relocked it.

            – Hi Trenton. Good to see you. I have a little job for you as well, while you’re here.

            – Oh?

            – Yes. After I scan your arm, I want you to scan mine. And also do you mind if I then strip off and you scan my body, balls and all?

            – No, I don’t think that would be a problem.

            – Good! Let’s go into the changing room and do it there.

 

They did so. Trenton pulled his top and t-shirt off exposing a very hairy chest, removed his prosthesis and held out his arm stump. Conrad grasped the scanner in his hooks and moved it around the stump, capturing data from every angle.

            – OK, I get the idea. Your turn.

Trenton dressed and replaced his arm. Conrad struggled out of his hoody and shorts and kicked off his stubbies. Steve Taylor arrived.

            – Oh! I hope I’m not interrupting anything.

            – Come in, Steve. I just need a body scan. OK, let’s scan this arm stump first.

He held it out as Trenton had done and Trenton activated the scanner, moving it around capturing thousands of images per second and laser-accurate measurements of Conrad’s AE arm stump.

            – Right. Now I need you to scan me from my arse to my nips from all sides while I hold my arms up.

He raised his stumps and Trenton moved slowly around his boss several times.

            – I think that’s ready. I made sure I got you all covered.

            – Great. And one more – scan my shoulders too. Thanks, Trenton. Your arm socket will be ready by the second week in June at the latest.

            – Looking forward to wearing it. I bought a big brass hook from a flea market a while ago and I’ve wanted to have a socket for it. Well, I’d better get to work. See you. Bye Steve.

            – Bye. Use the lift! I’ll activate it for you.

Conrad waited a moment for Steve to return and invited him back in.

            – Steve, there’s something I want to ask you. Pull the door to. Right. Colin and I have been watching the way OneOff’s staff interact, trying to work out who gets on best with people and who has the most respect. And we both independently chose you. We want you to be the foreman here, a link between Colin and me when we’re not here and the rest of the guys and to do everyday ordering and arranging this and that. And you won’t have to do it all yourself because Louis will be your deputy. Will you accept the job?

            – I’d be proud to. Thank you very much, Conrad. I won’t let you down.

            – No, I don’t believe you will. I’ll call a bit of a meeting later in the week and announce it then officially to everyone so keep it under your hat for the time being. But I have to say, I’m very glad you’re with us and making an impression. Now that’s settled, would you mind helping me dress?

 

Conrad spent much of the evening at his corner table uploading terabytes of data from the scanner to Philip Lee’s server. He was also imagining new prostheses for his bicep stumps. He needed peg arm crutches to walk. They would always be essential for him, everywhere. He also need a similar pair of pegs into which he could fit prosthetics. There would be a considerable difference in socket size. Perhaps Lee had encountered this problem before and had some answer. On the other hand, a personal assistant could be with him when he travelled anywhere if he needed to swap the pegs for prosthetics. The assistant would carry the spare equipment in a carry-all. He couldn’t ask Victor to do it. He already had his hands full.

 

Then there was the torso socket. It was going to be a hefty piece of kit and quite thick, a good ten mil. His junk would be behind the removable codpiece which he had to be able to remove and replace using his new arms which might not have the accuracy of movement needed. Colin couldn’t reach his and couldn’t take a leak without someone else’s help. Conrad hoped he would not be in the same situation. The rubber legs on the bottom would be very practical but it would be convenient if they could be removed without a screwdriver and having to lie on his back while the work was done. Maybe for high days and holidays, a pair of taller peg legs could be attached to the socket and he would be able to gallop around with a pair of long crutches. Perhaps one central peg like Perry sported might be the way to go. It certainly looked distinguished on him.

 

His first prosthetic arms from Lee were going to be shocking to look at – thick wooden dowels with hooks. He reached down and hooked his erection into a new position. If he wanted a more natural shape for his forearms, he would have to find someone with a nice pair – but one would do – and persuade them to sit for a scan. Lee would incorporate the shape in the new prostheses.

 

A bleep and a flashing icon ready announced that the data upload was complete. Ten minutes later a text message from Lee thanked him for his order and announced that work would commence in the morning. There were three weeks to go.

 

On Friday ten minutes before opening, Conrad waited until all the peg leggers were present and called them into the saloon. He asked Steve to open a couple of bottles of champagne and fill some glasses.

            – Gentlemen, I have a brief announcement to make. From next Tuesday, Steve will be your foreman. It means simply that if you have any problems or questions about your job or OneOff in general when neither Colin nor myself are present, you can turn to Steve for advice or directions. He’ll take responsibility. So he’s our representative when we’re not here – and yours too. Let’s raise our glasses and wish Steve luck, wisdom and a long life!

Now, because that’s a lot of responsibility even for one very capable man, we have decided to appoint a deputy foreman who you can also dump your worries on. The deputy’s job is to ensure the place looks presentable, that the cleaners are doing their jobs properly, that the bars are kept in order and general maintenance. The deputy is Louis. Let’s drink to him and wish him patience, forbearing and understanding – and a long life!

 

Much back-slapping and joking followed. A happier bunch of young men is rarely seen. Service that evening was unusually sprightly.

 

On Sunday twenty-third, Conrad beckoned Steve over to his corner and asked him to sit down.

            – Steve, you won’t be seeing me here for a few weeks after tonight. I need some additional surgery and I will be more disabled when I return, I’m afraid. This is confidential, you understand. So I’m asking you to run OneOff for the next few weeks as if you are the owner. I have notified our bank that you are to have signature rights – that means if you need to buy stuff in, you have the right to do so, and sign for it on behalf of the company. What else was there? Let Colin know if anyone refuses your authority. I’m sure that won’t happen, but Colin is the man to turn to if it does. Any questions?

            – Not really, I’m sure we’ll manage.

            – Yes, so am I. When I return, I shall be very severely disabled but I hope to be able to sit here in the corner in case you need advice or back-up, Otherwise, I expect that despite my presence, you’ll be running the place. Or you and me together, but you’ll be doing all the physical work.

            – I’m sorry to hear about your health problems. Thank you for your trust in me. You have given us all enjoyable and decent work and everyone here respects you very highly because of it. I hope you make a speedy recovery and that we’ll see you back before long. Until then, we’ll do our best to make you proud of OneOff.

– Thanks Steve. That’s all.

Conrad was moved to tears.

 

The next morning, Conrad woke Colin at seven and the pair prepared themselves for the day ahead. Victor had agreed to assist Colin for an hour or so each evening from about eight, making sure he had everything he might need to hand. Before he left, he would remove Colin’s prosthesis and torso socket, clean them and lift Colin into bed with the voice-activated tv remote next to him. He would drop by on Monday evening. Conrad sat around fidgeting until nearly ten when he had arranged to collect Trenton from his home in order to accompany him on the journey to the Southern Memorial. Conrad would drive there, meet the Amputator, and Trenton would drive back. Conrad had amended his car insurance policy to allow Trenton as an auxiliary driver to keep everything above board. Trenton had been instructed to drive the eMini back to the same place at the same hour in two week’s time and to await Conrad’s arrival.

 

            – Right. I’m off. I’ll miss you. I hate leaving you alone for such a long time.

            – Just get yourself fit. Don’t worry about me. I’m sure Vic and I will be able to manage. Fred has promised to pick me up and bring me home every night, so there’s no need to worry about the guys at Thirstysomething running wild. Everything will be fine. Now get yourself going! I love you.

 

Conrad and Trenton sat in the car in silence. It was unusual and uncomfortable. Conrad wracked his brains trying to think of something to say but all he had on his mind was the idea of three more amputations and Colin’s shocked face. At exactly two, a Land Rover pulled in alongside and a bald man with an enormous black beard got out and approached the Mini.

 

            – Good afternoon. I’m expecting a Mr Alton.

            – That’s me.

            – Yes, good afternoon. I was instructed to expect a gentleman fitting your general description. I am to transport you to your destination. Please accompany me to my vehicle and we can be under way.

            – Right, Trenton. I’m off. See you again next month. Bye.

Trenton watched Conrad pulling himself up into the car with his hooks, failing and asking for help from the bearded guy. He lifted the pitifully disabled quadruple amputee onto the passenger seat and soon the Land Rover departed. Trenton slid over into the driving seat and headed home.

 

Fred picked Colin up at the agreed time and they motored to Thirstysomething. Fred parked around the back and enjoyed not having to walk from the car park for once. He carefully set Colin’s socket onto the ground in front of the back door, fitted the peg arm and lifted Colin over the doorstep. He waited to see how Colin managed to progress from there. He inched forwards and began to rock his body from side to side. The short legs on the socket alternated in waddling forwards. Pushed by his peg arm, Colin reached his corner and called Alex over, who lifted him into place, extracted his phone from his pocket and brought him a coffee. The boss had arrived.

 

By that time, Conrad had already had his left arm re-amputated so skilfully that the healed stump would resemble his other almost entirely. The last thing Conrad wrote was his signature absolving the Amputator’s establishment of all liability regarding the future extreme disablement.

 

            – We see ourselves as a tool which our clients wish to wield upon themselves. They need a certain specific action to be undertaken but are unable to complete it themselves. Therefore they turn to us and we are able to complete the task with the minimum of fuss and with the highest degree of excellence. No client has ever regretted the service which we provide.

The Amputator’s philosophy was well-honed. In the morning, Conrad would lose his legs for the second time.

 

He awoke midway through the next afternoon. A heavily bearded face peered at him and said Welcome back. Conrad croaked for water. The bearded guy wiped his face gently, wetted his lips and helped him drink a few sips of water from a lidded glass.

            – Are you awake? Can you understand me? Very well. The procedures have been completed successfully and you now have the body you wanted. Your torso is completely devoid of any hint of ever having had legs and your new shorter arm stump will soon be the mirror image of its twin. My name is Jamison Fincher. I am your nurse, your prosthetics technician and your rehabilitation coach. The surgeon has retired to his home and we are here together, you and I. And my assistant who sleeps while I work and vice versa. I will see to all your needs.

            – What day is it?

            – It’s Tuesday the twenty-fifth of May. You arrived here yesterday. How do you feel? Are in you in pain? Great care has been taken to ensure that all relevant nerves were permanently neutralised before the major incisions were made. It is the trauma of sudden severance of live nerves which leads to phantom pain. I can almost guarantee you will never be plagued by pain, although of course you will always feel as if you can wriggle your toes and kick your legs. Those sensations are generated in the brain. Do you have any pain now?

            – My arm feels bruised, a dull ache. But there is no feeling of an incision. It has been amputated, you say?

            – It has. Your arm stumps are a perfect match and if I may say so, look very handsome. Perfect proportions. And your lower body? Can you sense anything there?

            – I can feel my genitals. Nothing else.

            – Excellent. You will now heal for the next ten days. Every three hours, I or my companion will turn you to prevent bed sores. If you wish to eat or drink something, please say the word Alarm in a clear voice and the system will alert us. Mealtimes are at seven, twelve, five and nine. Drinks are available at any time. Non-alcoholic drinks of course. You will have to wait for your return to OneOff for those.

            – How do you know about OneOff?

            – I visited it on your opening day. I heard through the grapevine that a group of amputees was once again opening a bar. I was very impressed. Philip Lee did a wonderful job on those peg legs. And no, it was not from Mr Lee that I heard. He is the epitome of discretion as you will have realised through your contact with him.

            – More water, please.

            – We have a voice-activated video system if you would like to watch something. Shall I bring it in? I could give you your prosthetic arm but it is so difficult to operate a remote control unit with just one hook, don’t you find?

            – Yes, a tv would help pass the time.

            – Try to sleep as much as you can. Perhaps the tv will help with that.

 

Craig was asking around his OneOff colleagues if they knew of any free flats anywhere. He said his landlord was kicking him and Marc out of the flat at the end of the month and they had nowhere to go. In Thirstysomething, Marc was asking the same thing.

            – How are we supposed to find a place to live with one week’s notice?

The pair had moved into together, more accurately, Marc had moved into Craig’s flat shortly after they met for the first time at the staff get-together just before OneOff opened. They were deeply in lust with each other and worshipped each other’s stumps.

 

Colin heard what the problem was from Alex who wondered if the boss might know of a way to find a flat quickly. He didn’t but he wondered what Conrad would say if he offered the boys their spare bedroom for free in return for a bit of bum wiping. He would be more circumspect. What would Conrad think? He’d still be convalescing somewhere until it was too late to help the boys. Colin asked Marc over for a talk.

 

            – I just heard you’re being turfed out of your flat. I didn’t know you and Craig were… together.

            – Yeah, I only moved in two weeks ago.

            – I’m guessing you two don’t have a whole lot of stuff to move out. I mean furniture and pots and pans, that sort of stuff.

            – No. We have a mattress on the floor from which to watch tv, a tiny fridge and a saucepan.

            – Not even a table and chairs? Well, that doesn’t matter. Look, my mate and I, Conrad I mean, are finding it awkward to cope after our home help guy goes home at midday. I was wondering if you might consider moving into my spare room, which is a good size, rent free, on condition that you help out a couple of helpless cripples when the need arises. I mean, we’re always having to put prosthetics on and take them off again with our stumps. It would be easier if there was someone there who could just sling ’em around our shoulders or whatever.

            – Rent free, did you say? For a bit of home help? How big is this spare room?

            – Well, I was thinking that if you turned it into living space for you and Craig, it is big enough to have your own private living room there and to store your clothes and prosthetics and so on. And you could sleep on the convertible in the living room. It’s really big and comfy but it’s no good to Conrad and me. We’d never be able to open it out. And we all work the same times so we wouldn’t be waking each other up at all hours with comings and goings.

            – That sounds like a good idea, actually. Are you serious? Rent free for home help?

            – Well, we already have a home help. He helps us shit, shave and shower, makes us breakfast, does the laundry, that kind of stuff. But he goes home at noon and we don’t see him again until next day. I think it would be cool if we had someone there the rest of the time. I know you’re both amputees but not nearly so hobbled as Conrad and me. And four gays in the same flat – imagine!

            – Can I discuss it with Craig tonight? I’ll give you an answer tomorrow. Thank you very much, Colin. It sounds like a really good idea.

 

Marc snuggled up to Craig and fondled Craig’s face with his arm stump. Craig gently rotated his leg stump in Marc’s groin.

            – Have you made up your mind yet, mate?

            – Yeah. Let’s do it. Tell Colin we’ll be there on Saturday morning with our mugs and toothbrushes and spare prosthetic limbs.

Marc pushed Craig onto his front and gently penetrated his anus.

 

Timothy had seen Louis rocking up to work on crutches wearing only one peg leg and was inspired to do the same. He dug his old crutches out of his parent’s garage, pressure-washed them, replaced the ferrules and threw one BK prosthesis under his bed. He put the other into his rucksack. Tim donned both his pegs and pushed himself up. He grabbed the crutches and strutted around his ground floor bedroom, formerly the family’s dining room. He opened the French windows and went out for a walk. It was easy enough on the path, but could he manage on grass? Yes, he could. How about with just one peg? He lowered himself onto the lawn and removed his left peg leg. How the hell could he get up? He dragged himself and his crutches to the end of the garden where his father had a large wooden box for composting stray weeds. He leant the crutches against the box, held on to the edge and pulled himself up. Balancing on one peg, he picked up his crutches and positioned them into his armpits. He walked up to the house with generously sized strides, down to the bottom of the garden and back again. Yup, this was the way to be. He could walk twice as fast as on his BK legs. Surprising really how much more effective it was. He’d turn up at work like this and show off a bit in front of Louis.

 

On Saturday at ten, Craig and Marc rang Colin’s and Conrad’s doorbell. Victor answered.

            – Oh hello. You must be the new lodgers.

            – That’s right. I’m Craig the Peg and this is Marc the Hook.

            – Well, it’s lovely to see you. Come in and I’ll tell Mr Colby that you’ve arrived.

They went inside, Victor closed the door and sauntered off into the bedroom.

            – The lodgers have arrived, Colin.

            – Oh good. Can you put my peg on? Thanks.

Colin dragged himself out into the living room and saw the guys looking apprehensive.

            – Hi you two! Welcome to our home – and your home for as long as you need it.

            – Hello Colin. Thanks again for letting us come here.

            – Don’t mention it. Victor, show the boys their room. Then if you’d make us some coffee and bring us some cake, we’ll have a chat in here.

He pulled his black carbon torso socket onto the sofa with his artificial arm and waited. Victor showed the boys their room.

            – Oh god it’s enormous! Look at the size of it! It’s bigger than your old place!

            – I think you’re right.

            – Leave your bags in here, boys. You can unpack a little later. Do join Mr Colby and I will bring some elevenses.

            – Thank you, er, Mr Victor.

            – Oh just call me Victor. I shan’t be long.

He disappeared into the kitchen and the guys joined Colin on the sofa, Craig’s peg leg jutting out in front of him.

            – I’m really glad to see you wearing the peg, Craig. Conrad and I were wondering if we were going too far in making the guys wear pegs but you all seem to have taken to them like ducks to the proverbial. Did you wear it today because you thought you ought to?

            – No! I really like wearing it. I’ve been an amputee for ten years and have had three or four artificial legs but this is the first time I’ve actually enjoyed having a stump. Because I can wear a leg like this. It feels so reliable to walk on, and the way it moves is so kind of interesting.

            – Erotic?

            – Er, well, yes, it is. I often have a hard-on when I put it on during the day.

            – Same for me and Conrad. We get turned on by seeing each other kitted out. Sometime we even have a sex session wearing all our carbon arms and stubbies and this shell I’m wearing. Sorry I didn’t bother to dress today, but this body socket is decent enough. You’re not offended by it, I hope? I know it’s a bit shocking. This is how we are chez nous. You two can go naked here too. Feel free to.

            – Here is your coffee and cake, gentlemen. Please enjoy!

            – Thanks Vic. Right. What I wanted to explain is the house rules. Like I just said, you can wander around naked everywhere but you must not come into our bedroom. That’s off limits unless we invite you in. Similarly your room is your private space and no-one other than yourselves will enter it, not even Victor. So you’re responsible for keeping it clean. You can furnish it how you want – turn it into a bedroom or a living room or study. I don’t mind. But you aren’t allowed to paint or damage the walls. All of the gear we own like the music system and all the kitchen equipment is yours to use. And we’d like it if you were cool with spending time with us in this room. This can be like our common room. We have the tv and it’s yours to watch too.

            – That’s amazing. Thank you, Colin.

            – The other part of the agreement is that if Conrad or I need help with something, and we often do, that you come and help us. We won’t be asking for glasses of water in the night but a helping hand with getting our prosthetics on every day is usually needed. We are both very severely handicapped, even though Conrad has his stubbies. Just so as you know what to expect.

            – Yeah, we both know what it’s like to need a helping hand now and then. Just that here it’ll happen more often.

            – It will. So anyway, let’s have some coffee. Welcome to our home and I hope we all enjoy being together.

 

Conrad was able to sit up in bed, ringed by pillows. He continually stretched his stumps out in front of him, admiring their symmetry, fascinated with the lightness of his new stump. Jamison was attentive, patient and understanding. He had worked for the Amputator for over twenty years and had seen even more extreme procedures than Conrad’s. Several healthy young men had left the facility over the years as mere torsos, usually with their external genitals. Neither the Amputator nor Jamison paid any heed to the moral or erotic aspects of their work. It was Jamison’s job to collect the clients and ensure they left on time with whatever body configuration they had requested.

            – Good morning, Conrad. I see my colleague has prepared you for the day. Are you comfortable? I have your breakfast ready – scrambled eggs, toast and coffee. Would you like to wear your prosthesis? Just a moment while I clean it.

            – Have you heard any news from Philip Lee?

            – Strange you should ask. I had an email from him just a few minutes ago. He says he has already made arm sockets and the components for your new arm prostheses. They are ready for dispatch and should be here this afternoon. Your body socket is in progress and will take some time because of some technical reason to do with the geometry of the thing. You won’t need it until you leave and I will need to work on it only a little. I hope this time tomorrow morning I shall be able to fit you with a new pair of wooden arms.

            – I’m looking forward to that.

            – I will help you adjust to them. It may be frustrating for you to have two prostheses but finding yourself unable to use them. We shall go to the recuperation room and I’ll train you. You have some hard training before you, Conrad. When you leave here I want you to be able to write and dress yourself.

 

Tim’s appearance on crutches at OneOff wearing only one peg leg had made the other guys envious.

            – He looks so, I dunno, slick.

            – I’d love to know what that feels like.

            – I’d give my right leg to wear two pegs.

Colin soon heard from Steve that some of the guys were wishing to be double above knee amputees so they could walk on crutches and one peg.     

            – Well, if they were DAKs they wouldn’t be able to work here, would they? Louis and Tim are about as extreme as it gets with one up one down. No, Tim has both knees, doesn’t he? I don’t mind if the others want extra amputations but they have to be able to come back to work after a few weeks.

            – Someone wanted me to ask you if you knew a way to get an amputation by a surgeon, kind of secretly.

Colin looked Steve in the eye for several seconds to see if he was serious.

            – I do.

            – And can you reveal it to him or is it ultra secret?

            – It’s ultra secret but leave it with me and I’ll make some enquiries. Steve, it’s not you, is it?

            – No!

            – Thank god for that. Don’t change please.

Steve smiled, nodded, turned and strutted back to the bar.

 

Colin thought about what Steve had told him and sent a message to Philip Lee.

Extremely pleased with your peg legs as are all their users. Situation is now that some staff want more amputations. Please inform your friend of situation and advise.

 

How wonderful for the boys. I will communicate it to my friend and he will soon be in contact. I am delighted more young men are enthused by the joy of amputation.

 

Pompous old bugger, thought Colin.

 

Thank you for your consideration.

 

            – Are you awake, Conrad? I’ve brought you some breakfast. And I have some good news. Today is the day you start learning to use your new arms. Would you like some water first?

Jamison lifted Conrad from his bed and took him to the wet room. Conrad peed into the general direction of the wc and Jamison kicked the lid down. He set Conrad into a ring on an adjustable stand, holding him firmly between his nipples and belly button. Conrad twirled his stumps.

            – This feels nice. But I don’t suppose you will let me hang around here for long, will you, Jamison?

            – Certainly not. Today you start work.

            – I have to tell you, Jamison, that I am fascinated by your beard.

            – Well, thank you. To tell you the truth, I have never been more pleased by anything more than the fact that my beard grows so wide and thick.

            – It’s beautifully manly. What shall we be doing today?

            – Your arms are more or less ready. We shall do various exercises which will reveal where they can be adjusted and improved for your range of motion. At the end of the day, I want you to be able to feed yourself with hooks.

            – I’m ready for that. I want to dress myself and fix my codpiece too.

            – All in good time, Conrad. We have eight whole days to get your stumps working.

            – Do you know when I will get my socket?

            – No, I don’t. So you will have to tolerate being moved around in this apparatus. It’s more for my convenience than for your rehabilitation. Sorry, Conrad, it won’t be for long. Then you’ll have some kind of legs under you again.

 

Marc and Craig had discovered that they had to wait until Colin was ready to leave Thirstysomething before they could leave for home. Previously they had been amongst the first to be allowed to leave before closing time if the place was quiet. Now they had to wait for at least another half hour. But it wasn’t all bad. Marc helped Colin out to the street where they summoned a taxi and cruised to OneOff where Craig stood waiting for them. At home, they sat together for a while winding down until Colin announced that he was ready for bed. The guys carried him to bed, removed his torso socket and prosthetic arm and wished him good night. They returned to the living room, tugged the convertible sofa into its double bed configuration, shucked their clothes and artificial limbs and snuggled together some time after two in the morning.

 

Colin received a message from the Amputator.

I understand that you have in your acquaintance several young men who wish to divest themselves of limbs. If this is the case, please let me know how many individuals are involved and their required amputations.

He told Steve that the wannabes now had a chance to get what they wanted and asked him to collect their names and email addresses. He had no idea who amongst his staff had been so enamoured of the double peg leggers that they themselves wanted other legs off. What a strange thing amputation jealousy was, with no way to escape until succumbing to it with an amputation. Or amputations. Colin wondered how Conrad’s stump revision was progressing.

 

Steve brought Colin a neatly written list. Michael wanted his right leg off above the knee. Weston wanted his right leg off below the knee and Nolan his left. They would still all be able to work, they assured Steve, with a peg and prosthesis. If Louis could do it, so could they. Colin agreed. These guys were such a powerful force together and their enthusiasm for wearing peg legs for the rest of their lives instead of electronic plastic prostheses was impressive and endearing. He would let the Amputator know and wait for his instructions but he did not want three employees to be absent simultaneously.

 

The Amputator replied with familiar instructions. Collection at the War Memorial on these dates. Lee was contacted to be ready for new orders. He replied that he anticipated them with delight.

 

Colin had a chat with his prospective double amputees, Mick, Weston and Nolan.

            – Sit down guys, as best you can.

They arranged their peg legs under the table and listened.

            – What I am about to tell you is utterly confidential. I’m sure you understand the need to keep this absolutely secret. The way people see you in the future will be very different if they even suspect the truth. Including your family. You will be given one week’s notice to arrange your affairs so that a two week absence will not be a problem. You will be taken in two stages to a private facility, completely isolated from even internet contact, where you will have your amputations and rehabilitation. Your new wooden legs, if you want them, will be available before you leave. The price for each of you will be fifteen thousand seven hundred including the new leg. Any questions?

            – How soon can we go?

            – The window for the first, er, patient will be within three weeks. I have to say, I want only one of you to undergo new amputations at a time. He must return to work before the next goes for amputation so work out the pecking order amongst yourselves and I can set it all in motion.

            – OK thanks, boss. We’ll let you know tomorrow what we come up with. Family will be worst.

            – It always is, Nolan. It always is.

 

J U N E

 

Jamison wheeled Conrad’s torso in his contraption into the rehab room. An interesting selection of upper and lower limb prostheses waited on a shelving unit. Jamison made sure Conrad was positioned correctly and fetched his new arm prostheses. They were a dark blond wood, possibly oak. The arms were attached to a thick wooden ring in the centre of a black canvas harness. Sockets and arms had been coated with a glossy resin resulting in a glassy finish.

            – Here they are, Conrad. May I say I think you are very lucky to own such beautiful equipment. Some might pity you for your limblessness. Others will envy you for owning these. Lift your stumps up.

Jamison moved behind Conrad and held the sockets, lowering them on to the stumps.

            – OK, you can relax. Are the sockets comfortable? On the new stump too? OK, good. I’m going to take these off for a minute while I put some stump socks on you.

He did so and replaced the prostheses.

            – You already have experience with an above elbow arm and now you will have two. All the same rules apply. You’ll have noticed that these are quite a bit shorter than your old prosthetics. They’re lighter and easier to eat with. They work in exactly the same way as your AE arm. Using these means alternating between activating the elbow and activating the hook. You alternate by shrugging outwards. That’s what we are going to be practising all morning. When I say “Open your hook” or “Lower your arm”, you are going to do so without needing to think about it. It must be automatic. A shrug plus tension on the cable or simply tension. Let’s get started. Try lifting your left forearm. Good. How did it feel compared with your old prosthesis?

            – It’s smoother but I think there is more travel in this. I have to stretch further.

            – I’ll adjust that. Now raise your right arm to forty-five degrees and hold it.

            – That feels exactly right, perfect. And very smooth again.

Jamison fiddled with the harness for a few moments and asked Conrad to raise his left arm again.

            – Yeah, it’s better but a little bit tight.

Another adjustment.

            – And now?

            – Perfect! And both sides feel the same.

            – Now open the right hook and hold it open. Tension OK? Try raising your left forearm to the same angle and opening the hook. Tell me if there is an imbalance between the two sides.

            – If there is, I can’t feel it. Maybe it will make itself obvious when I do stuff.

Conrad’s forearms were thick cylindrical rods with hooks. A lever embedded in each forearm allowed the hook to rotate instantaneously ninety degrees. A wide button on the wrist allowed the hook to tilt instantaneously forty-five degrees inwards. Gradual controlled movement was not possible.

            Right, we can start practising with them now. Let me take you over to the table. I am going to tell you only what I want you to do. I am not going to explain to you how to do it unless you ask. Pick the knife up in your right hook. Position the knife first – that’s right. Now imagine you want to slice a tomato. Get the knife into a suitable position. Use the other hook. Lower your left arm. Now press the tip of the knife downwards.

It dropped from the hook.

            – Start again. Conrad, you will be able to do it before you leave this room. Don’t look so serious. This is fun. It’s why you chose this for yourself. Drop your left forearm.

Jamison was a friendly but relentless instructor. Conrad soon began to feel like he wanted to impress a friend with his skill rather than undertake unnatural tasks for a stranger.

 

Colin and the new lodgers were getting on well at home. Marc was with Colin for the entire twenty-four hours but there was no favouritism apparent at Thirstysomething. Marc hadn’t mentioned to the others where he was living, only that they’d found a flat. Marc and Craig became accustomed to their new hours. They went to bed at two and woke just before nine. Putting Colin to bed had become an easy ritual after work and then they could quietly make love. Victor was discrete enough to let them sleep each morning after arriving at six and crept around in the kitchen preparing their breakfasts and elevenses. He never went into the boy’s own room. That was not on his agenda although he could easily run around with the vacuum every so often, he reasoned.

 

Michael, Weston and Nolan had drawn straws to decide who would be the first to visit the Amputator. They worked out an arrangement where they would pace themselves over a period of months and each would contribute financially for their mate’s new amputation. Twelve or thirteen thousand was a bit steep for a one time payment, but they all felt they could find four thousand every couple of months even if it meant surviving on noodles.

 

Nolan would go first for his LBK chop. Having inherited money from a grandparent, he did not need to borrow money from the others. Departure day was Monday the fourteenth. Trenton would drive him to Southern Memorial and meet him a fortnight later.

 

Jamison was relentless with Conrad.

            – Pick the mug up in your left hook and bring it to your lips. Don’t tip it! You see the problem? You cannot change the angle of your forearm to prevent the drink from sloshing out. What are you going to do with drinks, Conrad? Think!

            – I could use a straw. Or a container with a lid might work. One of those things with a spout that sports cyclists use.

            – Yes. Get yourself some of those. I’ve got one around here somewhere you can practise with. Ah, here it is. We’ve put rubber bands around it for better grip with a hook. Try that.

Conrad grasped the container in his left hook and brought its spout to his mouth.

            – Now put it down and do it with your right hook.

He did so, after first rotating the container to a suitable position by nudging it.

            – OK. Let’s do it again with some water in it.

 

Later in the day, Conrad was going through the motions of eating with a knife and fork, drinking with the special container and picking up plates. Jamison announced that it was time for supper. He put French fries and fish fingers into an air fryer and peas into a microwave oven. In the meantime, Conrad continued to train his shoulder muscles in their new functions, enjoying seeing his hooks silently opening and closing, operating each hook independently or both together and alternating between hook and elbow operations. It was not yet automatic but he felt vastly more confident than earlier in the day. He realised he was already more versatile with his new hooks than with his old pair. Jamison served the meal and watched as Conrad speared the fries with a fork and worked them towards his mouth, tried with same with fish fingers with varying success and gave up altogether on the peas.

            – You will never do that with your current prostheses, Conrad. The only way you can eat peas is to mash them first. Try it. Drop the fork. Use your hooks, that’s it, mash away! You have to use the tools available to you to get things done. You don’t have to try to do things the same way other people do them. Can you eat the fries with a hook? Yup. That might be the way to go. So well done, Conrad. You can now feed yourself. From now on, you’ll be doing so at every meal here.

Conrad beamed at his mentor. He appreciated the firm discipline. He was enjoying this latest version of his limblessness. Jamison beamed back through his enormous beard. He was impressed with the torso’s uncomplaining progress. As the few remaining days passed, Conrad mastered dressing himself, which in his case consisted of pulling on a t-shirt before donning his harness and arms, and a hoody over them. He had no need to learn to deal with shoelaces or fly zips. There would be a few hours just before Jamison drove him to the Memorial to practise inserting and removing himself from his torso socket and to manage the codpiece without help. His new gear was delivered on the evening of the sixth. Lee had also included a pair of peg arm crutches designed to be used without prosthetics. Conrad would have to choose to walk or to use his artificial arms.

 

Conrad was watching tv when Jamison knocked and entered.

            – I have something for you. I think you can guess what it is. Shall I bring it in?

            – The socket? Great! I can’t wait!

            – Your wait is over. Here it is.

Like all Lee’s creations, it was a beautifully sculptured work of art of the same wood as the arm prostheses. Extending from the ground up to Conrad’s chest with a pair of short black rubber stubbies attached with easily removable wing nuts on the base, the socket was a centimetre thick, its edges carefully rounded smooth. A pair of brown leather suspenders with velcro fastenings was riveted front and back. Best of all, the codpiece was far larger than usual. Whoever saw it would assume that although Conrad was completely legless, he still had a good sized set of junk. It attached to the socket with large press studs. Two leather loops were riveted each side of it, suitable for the steel fingers of a hook.

 

Jamison shifted Conrad’s position so that he was on his back and put the socket on the bed.

            – Let’s try this way first. You need to push down into the socket without it moving away from you. Give it a try.

Conrad squirmed his way forward using his elbows to propel himself. Jamison did him the favour of holding the socket in place. With a final effort, Conrad’s erect penis and balls poked through the hole in the front designed for them.

            – I see you are enjoying this, Conrad. Let’s see how the codpiece fits. I’ll do it this time.

The codpiece was a mere five mil thick, made of the same wood, and was as long as it was wide, fifteen centimetres. Conrad would enjoy having erections without anyone knowing.

            – You’ll need a pair of shorts or cut-offs to fit over the socket. The short legs on the base will prevent you from dragging the socket itself along the ground but they can be removed if you want to be in a normal chair. In future, you could have a central peg leg made with a rocker foot so you could stand a little taller, perhaps, but you would need extensions to your crutches. These are matters you will have to discuss with Philip Lee later. He may have other suggestions.

 

Conrad remembered the erotic combination of Daniel Perry’s single peg leg and two peg arms.

 

            – Now let me get this off you. You should always have a stump sock on before you get into your socket. You know why. That is a challenge to do with your hooks but you will do it. We’ll practise tomorrow. There is another way for you to get into your socket. If it is standing on the floor with its rim lower than your backside, you may be able to lower yourself into it. We’ll try that tomorrow too. Also, we’ll test your peg arms first thing before you put your prosthetics on. Bear in mind that if you want to crutch anywhere, your arms must come off. You might consider how you will manage urinating. I’ll leave this socket here for you to contemplate and I’ll bring you the pegs tomorrow morning.

            – Thank you, Jamison. You don’t know how fulfilling this is for me.

            – I’m glad you’re happy. Good night.

 

Conrad slept with his wooden carapace that night, caressing it between his stumps.

 

Monday dawned. Jamison was awake before six and made some oatmeal porridge for his breakfast. There was enough left over for Conrad too if he wanted it. Jamison collected the stump socks, torso socks and peg arms Conrad would shortly need and went to rouse him. He saw Conrad trying pathetically to clutch his socket like a lover. It was almost on top of him. Soon he would be inside it.

            – Conrad mate, time to wake up. Hello. Sleep well? Let me take your socket for a moment. I’ll take you for a pee and there’s some porridge if you want it. I’ll feed you this morning as a special treat. How’d you like that?

Jamison actually wanted to hurry Conrad’s final rehab along. He had to practise donning his three stump socks and donning his prostheses. He would not otherwise have considered feeding Conrad at this stage. He lifted Conrad into the ringed contraption and wheeled him to the lavatory where Conrad relieved himself. Jamison cleaned Conrad’s eyes and face and brushed his teeth. After eating breakfast, Conrad was wide awake and raring to go.

            – The best order for you is to put your arm stump socks on first. Then the hooks. Then you should be able to get into the torso sock and finally the socket. If you then want to ambulate, you will remove your hooks and use your peg arms. I have everything here you will need. I’ll fetch your hooks in a minute but you can get started.

Conrad grabbed a stump sock between his stumps and tried using his teeth to widen its opening enough to fit a stump into. He spat the sock out onto his bed and swatted it until it was facing the right way and tried inserting a stump into it. He flattened it instead.

            – Conrad, you’ll probably need someone to help you with that until you get a dressing tree to hold the socks and prossies for you. Hold on, let me do it. Right, here are your arms.

            A seventeen minute struggle between a squirming, almost completely limbless torso and the harness followed. Conrad pushed himself up on his elbows and asked, How did I do?

            – You were pretty good, Conrad. Fortunately you are determined to succeed. Now, here’s the torso sock. Off you go. Make sure the hole for your junk is in the front otherwise you’ll have to take it off and try again.

The torso sock was a little easier to pull over his genitals but the point came when Conrad’s artificial elbows could not bend any further and he had to squirm deeper into the sock. Twenty-five minutes later, Conrad was ready for his gleaming, pristine wooden torso socket. Jamison placed it on the bed.

            – Spread the leather straps out to the sides first or you’ll get tangled in them. You pull them over your shoulders as the last stage.

Conrad hooked hold of a strap and moved the socket to the head of the bed. He swatted it until the opening faced him and the base was flush against the bedhead. He used his elbows to find the correct alignment and slowly pushed himself into the socket until he was certain he was as far as he could push.

            – I can’t get the straps over my shoulders, mate.

            – It might be the case that you don’t really need them if the socket is a tight fit. Now lock your elbows straight and try pushing yourself up.

Nine minutes later, Jamison relented.

            – I’m sorry Conrad. It‘s seems cruel but I wanted you to realise that you’ll need help with that too unless you have some kind of hoist made. I am going to place you on the floor and you can decide what to do next.

He placed his arms around Conrad’s socket and lifted him gently off the bed and lowered the torso to the floor facing the door. Conrad swung his prostheses to test ground clearance. He tested if he could reach the straps on his codpiece.

            – How does it feel, Conrad? Do you sense any areas which are squeezed too tightly? How about the base? Is it touching your stump?

            – No, I’m held up away from the base. I’m not suppose to be resting on it, am I?

            – No, you aren’t. Now, are you going to stand there all day or would you like a change of scenery?

            – Can I try the peg arms?

            – You can indeed. Take your arms off.

It didn’t take many minutes. Jamison placed one peg arm on the floor and the other leaning against the bed.

            – Now get your stumps into the sockets and you’ll be good to go.

            – Ah, have you got any suggestions how I can do this, mate? I can’t think of any way to pick that one up off the floor because I can’t bend at all. The one by the bed looks more promising but I can’t get to it.

            – That’s another thing you’ll need help with until you have a way to stash the pegs horizontally. When you move towards them, they’ll slip onto your stumps. But right now, I’ll help you. Can you turn to face me?

Conrad tried rocking his socket but it stayed in place.

            – OK, just testing. Raise your stumps in front of you and hold.

Jamison pushed the peg arms onto the remnants of Conrad’s arms. Conrad lowered the pegs to touch the ground and pushed further into them. The rounded upper edges reached his armpits and he stood beaming.

            – Ready! Let’s go!

Conrad tilted his head forward, placed the pegs slightly in front of him and tried lifting himself. He moved a couple of centimetres. He moved the peg tips further to each side and tried another step. The socket shifted more and Conrad ejaculated into his codpiece.

            – You need to have a rhythm for that method of ambulation to succeed. Start stop start stop will tire you in no time. Once you find a flow, it will be less trouble. But keep practising. Try different angles and distances. I’ll be in the next room. Come in when you’re ready and we’ll have coffee.

Forty minutes later, Jamison brewed them coffee.

            – You probably have a few questions, Conrad. What did you think of your first time?

            – I came in my codpiece.

            – Yes, I noticed. Do you not feel challenged by your new disability?

            – Of course I feel challenged! My boyfriend has been in the same situation for nearly a year. He has a rounded torso like mine, and only one arm stump. His other shoulder is empty. He can drag himself along with a crutch. I think I might buy a pair of child’s forearm crutches. These peg arms are very limiting.

            – They are, but they are very beautiful pieces. Very interesting. I hope you succeed in using them. Conrad, it is time now for you to take your leave. I will take you back to the Memorial. I hope your connection will be there waiting. You will be very vulnerable if you are alone. I suggest that we replace your prostheses and remove the stubbies from the base of your socket so you can sit in the car seat safely. Oh yes, and I will clean your codpiece for you.

            – Thank you, Jamison. You’ve been a real friend.

            – Think nothing of it.

 

At three minutes to two, their car pulled alongside Conrad’s eMini in the carpark. Jamison got out and asked Trenton if he was expecting to meet Conrad. He said he was. Conrad collected Conrad’s carry-all and peg arms and dumped them into the back of the Mini. He returned to the passenger side of his car, opened the door and carefully lifted out a very obviously completely legless figure wearing two antique-looking artificial arms with hooks. He carried him to the Mini and lowered him into the passenger seat. Trenton’s face showed horror and confusion.

            – Conrad mate, what’s happened to you? Mate, where are your legs?

            – I had some extra work done. Me and Colin are equals now. Can you do my seat belt up for me, mate? I can’t reach.

            – Christ, you’ve lost your arm too! Where are your old prossies? In the bag?

            – Yeah, I suppose so. Right, I’m all set. Shall we go? Trenton, I’m sorry if I shocked you but this is something I had to do for my sanity.

Trenton drove slowly out of the car park and headed back to town. Neither of them could think of anything to say to the other.

 

It was almost five. Colin would be at Thirstysomething with Marc. There would probably be an empty flat waiting for Conrad.

            – Shall I take you straight home or shall we go by one of the bars first?

            – Home, I think. I’m shagged out. Will you help me inside? I don’t weigh much.

            – Not funny, Conrad. I despair of you. You know where I think we should go first? To the wheelchair store. You need something to move around in.

Conrad thought about it and gave in to his friend’s suggestion.

            – OK, it might still be open if we hurry.

Trenton left the by-pass and curved into the town centre. He braked outside Morganson’s Orthotics which was still open for ten minutes. He hopped inside leaving Conrad to watch him through the plate glass display.

            – Hello, I urgently need a light, everyday wheelchair for a legless man who has two artificial arms. Nothing too high end for now.

            – This model should suffice in that case. Is that the gentleman in question in your car?

            – Yes.

            – Do ask him in and he can test the equipment.

            – OK. What time are you closing?

            – Oh, don’t worry about that. Let’s get something sorted for you first.

Trenton went back out and spoke to Conrad through the closed window.

            – He says come inside. Shall I lift you out?

            – Don’t break your hook, Trenton. I know I weigh more than what you’re supposed to carry.

            – Never mind about my hook. Come on, mate. Oh, I’ll ask the guy in the shop for help. Excuse me! Could you possibly help? My own disability is getting in the way.

            – Good afternoon, sir. Do you need help entering the shop?

            – Yes, I am currently legless.

            – Let me carry you.

Morganson was shocked to feel Conrad’s rigid body shell. Fortunately his stubbies had been removed so the flat base of the torso socket was perfect for testing wheelchair seats.

            – Could you open the door, please sir?

Morganson carried Conrad directly to the light, everyday wheelchair and placed him in it.

            – As with all our models, safety belts are now compulsory features. Its height is adjustable. Most wheelers use it across their lap but it can be raised to encircle your chest, for example. If I may make a suggestion, sir? The hooks you are wearing are not the best choice for operating a manual chair such as this. Your prosthetist will be able to supply grooved rubber fixtures which are designed for pushing directly against a chair’s tyres. I would recommend looking into acquiring a pair. And the footplates are easily removed and replaced. Is the chair comfortable, sir?

            – I really have no idea. I can not feel anything other than my socket. But I do feel secure. I don’t feel like I am going to topple. How much is this chair?

            – Seven thousand two hundred with all necessary accessories such as spare tyres and inner tubes, an electric pump, an additional cushion and brake pads. The chair itself is collapsible to store flat and the wheels are simple and fast to remove by pushing the central button.

            – What do you think, Trenton? Do you see me using a wheelchair? I never even thought of a wheelchair.

            – Con, it’s the only way I’m going to get you home.

            – OK, please charge my company account at Thirstysomething for the amount. Trenton, can you get my phone out? Thanks.

Conrad tapped his phone’s screen with his new hooks and within two minutes had become the owner of something he had never wanted or imagined using. But it felt quite good to be able to be mobile. The immobility of his body strapped into the chair was also beginning to feel horny.

 

Conrad thanked the owner, Morganson, and pushed Conrad out to the street, undid the seat belt and the two shifted Conrad’s torso back into the passenger seat. Trenton popped off the wheels, folded the chair flat as he had been shown and stashed the whole thing into the back of the car. He drove into the underground car park beneath Colin and Conrad’s flat, parked and repeated the process in reverse. Conrad sat erect in his chair, belted in for security.

            – Wait a minute, Trenton, would you? There’s a nice flat empty space down here and I want to try out this chair.

Conrad’s hooks were enough to gain friction against the tyres and he quickly learned how to stroke the wheels and change direction. He wheeled off to the far end of the garage and spun around, pumping his prosthetic arms locked at an angle.

            – This is quite fun. Thank you for suggesting it. I feel like I can manage on my own now. Can you bring my bag and the other stuff up to the flat, though? That would be a help.

 

The flat was empty. Colin and Marc got back around seven. Conrad was in the living room watching tv when they entered.

            – Hi! I’m back!

            – What the fuck? Conrad! What the fuck have you done to yourself?

            – Colin mate, we are both legless bodies with hooks. I made myself like the man I most respect in the world and I hope you approve of my new body.

            – Marc, leave us alone for a minute, will you?

Marc went into his room and shut the door.

            – Come here, you daft cunt! You didn’t have to go through all that pain for me. I loved you the way you were. Oh, you’ve had your elbow off as well! Argh, I can’t stand it!

Colin rarely showed emotion but he stood in his body socket breathing heavily and pumped cum into its base.

            – Colin? You like this? You like the way I am now?

            – There’s nothing I ever wanted more. I never dared say it. I tried to avoid thinking it. But all I ever fantasized is that you’d be as disabled as I am. Two torsos loving and fucking each other.

Conrad wept with relief.

 

 

 

 

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