TRAILMAN

 

TRAILMAN

Improbable fiction by strzeka (06/25)

 

Horticulturalist Callum Johnson had a reputation for preferring solitude to participation in social events with school or university colleagues and later workmates. He was affable and courteous but there sometimes lingered a hint of rejection or reproach about him which other people found off‑putting. He lived alone through personal choice, not because of rejection. He rented a first floor conversion, a comfortable bedsitter with a tiny kitchen and bathroom. Callum had furnished it with angular modern furniture, most of which converted into something else. The rest was electronics with the sole exception of a handsome glass‑fronted wall‑mounted cabinet which contained an impressive collection of tobacco pipes, none of which were anything less than extra large.

 

Callum learned to smoke a pipe during pubity. His developing brain associated pipe‑smoking with the panache and extrovertism he hoped to develop in tandem with the changes in his body. He always fantasised about smoking a pipe when he played with his cock. It was the one mental image which never let him down. He tried thinking of beautiful women sometimes but only the idea of himself with a big pipe guaranteed an erection. By the time he was sixteen, erections came unbidden, but pipe smoking played a huge role in his fantasies. There was no harm in it.

 

Callum travelled abroad for the first time at seventeen. Two of his school friends had already decided on a route around northern Europe and invited Callum along, ignoring the old adage that two is company, three is a crowd. He agreed and worked extra shifts at his part time job to scrape together enough cash for his interrail ticket and some extra for pocket money. He realised that for the first time in his life, he would be free to smoke a pipe if he wished. His parents would not be there to judge, his friends might josh with him about it but he would have the opportunity to walk along some foreign road with a pipe between his teeth and experience what it felt like to be a man.

 

He already owned two pipes. One was made by an Italian company and the other was Irish. He had bought them second hand after being assured that the pipes were sterilised and as new. They certainly looked it. One of them was a so‑called bent pipe and it hung comfortably at the corner of his mouth. He thought it suited him better than his other straight pipe and he would take it with him in his backpack. He would have to buy pipe tobacco abroad and began to study how to ask for a tin of pipe tobacco in Dutch, German and Danish. It was fascinating to realise how similar the languages were, even English.

 

Callum bought his first tobacco in Brussels. He revealed his smoking fetish to his friends with trepidation, certain that they would see his simultaneous erection and put two and two together. They looked at the pipe with a few seconds interest and watched him fumble with the spiky tobacco as he tried to fill the bowl. He lit it with a cheap disposable lighter and relit it several times. His first attempt was not a success. One of his friends suggested that tobacco ought to be rubbed and quite rough before being lit. It was no good trying to light solid shreds of tobacco direct from the tin. By the time they arrived in Copenhagen, Callum knew how to rub his tobacco and how tight to pack it. To his surprise and delight, there were many pipe‑smokers in Copenhagen, young and old. No‑one was allowed to smoke inside buildings any longer so men were relegated to the streets, strolling alone slowly or sitting in small groups. They glanced at Callum, who felt that his pipe was the most conspicuous object on the street, and returned to their business.

 

An older gentleman befriended them in the hostel kitchen and suggested that they spend an evening in a Danish krog, like a pub but without the stuffiness. He was a Swedish author researching cheap travel and amused by the three young Englishmen who were always so innocent of European ways. He promised them that he could afford to buy them all a drink of the local beer so they could experience what a Danish pub was like. Three against one seemed a fairly even match. The four of them made their way to the nearest krog and found comfortable seats inside.

 

The author was not an evil man but he knew that most Englishmen enjoy a pint and he wanted a few amusing anecdotes for his notes. He entertained the boys in turn with tales about his own travels in Europe and gave them advice on lesser known tricks for benefitting from interrail tickets. As he gradually steered the conversation around towards more interesting topics, the boys were feeling mellow and more comfortable with the old Swede. He asked them if they had any special interests outside school, any interesting or unusual hobbies. Callum tentatively mentioned his interest in pipe smoking, which was unusual in England in general, especially for someone as young as himself, although he had noticed several young men who seemed to be around his own age smoking pipes since he had been in Denmark.

            – Yes. It’s one of the very Danish habits which distinguishes them from the other Scandinavian countries. The men seem to go through a phase when they try a pipe and of course for many it is a great pleasure and they keep to it. In Sweden and I think in Norway too, we like something stronger than tobacco when we smoke, if you know what I mean.

 

Callum nodded his understanding and wished he had grown up in a place where boys learned to smoke pipes. One of his friends was more effected by the beer and was at the loose tongue stage.

            – I don’t know if you would call it an interest but I’m interested in men who have an artificial arm and use a hook. I think it’s very interesting to find out how it was invented.

            – That’s an unusual interest. Do you know anyone like that?

            – No. It’s just something I like to look out for.

            – There are so few such men in the north of Europe. It has been a very long time since we had a war. Very few amputees, you see. Although Denmark sometimes helps with NATO.

 

Callum was surprised to hear about his friend’s almost sadistic admission. He knew a man, a retiree from his workplace, who frequently paid a visit to the parks and natural areas which the local council maintained. He had lost his arms high above the elbow in a freak accident when the motor saw he was using in the crown of an oak touched a live high voltage wire. His arms were burned to charcoal and he fell, unconscious, through the branches to the ground. Nowadays he wore a pair of hooks and seemed quite cheerful. He took an interest in how the parks were being kept and had occasionally exchanged a word or two with Callum.

 

His travelling companion’s odd admission rang true for Callum. He too was interested in men with hooks and occasionally ventured to seek out a new video by a hook user. It was intriguing to imagine himself as one. How would he smoke a pipe? He supposed it would be possible to rub tobacco with a hook in the palm of his real hand and fill the bowl. He might even be able to tamp the burning tobacco with the tip of a hook instead of his pipe tool. That would look extraordinary. But it would be extraordinary for a young man his age to have a hook in the first place.

 

The Nordic Tour was enjoyable and rewarding and came to an end only because their funds threatened to run out. They managed to visit the three Scandinavian capitals and gained a sense of the calm sensibility which ruled their societies.

 

________

 

Callum slowly worked his way up through various positions of responsibility and by the age of twenty‑nine found himself head of acquisitions and implementation for the district council’s horticultural division. In short, he worked with landscape architects and planners as land was recovered after the demolition and clearance of rotten Victorian dwellings. Entire estates could be converted to green space, turning decrepit townscapes into echoes of the woodland they had been centuries earlier. It was quite possible to direct operations from HQ without leaving the building but Callum’s love for his mission saw him take a much more participatory hands‑on approach. He was out meeting with two landscape architects when they were physically attacked by a teenager brandishing a heavy steel jungle knife. One of the architects lost the top half on his left ear and gained a gash to the scalp, the other’s jacket sleeve was slashed and Callum’s hands, raised to fend off the attack, were severed from his arms just above his wrists. They fell onto wet earth which glistened with the remnants of an ancient oil spill. The attacker was apprehended shortly after and disarmed. The uninjured architect tentatively rescued Callum’s severed hands from the muck while the man missing half an ear held onto Callum, partly to reassure him that help was at hand and partly out of his own shock and fear.

 

The young attacker had overdosed on a combination of street drugs, resulting in murderous anger and aggression. The effects of the drugs were only developing hen the attack happened and continued to strengthen in the young assailant’s system. His blood pressure rose to two hundred and twenty over one hundred and fifty with a pulse of two hundred and ten. His heart almost literally exploded and he died in police custody aged sixteen and three days. The drugs had been a birthday present from his friends.

 

In a perverse example of déjà vu, one of the first thoughts which occurred to Callum in his hospital bed was how was he going to smoke a pipe without hands. His severed hands had been tested for contamination and found to contain so much faecal matter and streptococcal bacteria that they were isolated for immediate incineration. Callum would make a recover with the promise of artificial hands, bionic if he so desired. There were also mechanical hands which might interest him and, of course, traditional steel hooks. Recovering in a comfortable hospital bed and with all intimate matters tended to by attentive staff, he did not yet comprehend the inevitable repercussions awaiting a fresh bilateral arm amputee.

 

His employer assured him that his position was safe and wished him a speedy recovery. Most of his work was digital, only its oversight and review required physical presence. An amputee with prosthetic limbs should have no great problem in maintaining productivity.

 

Callum’s stumps healed well, on schedule and without complications. The tips appeared scar free from the top and front. Lines of fading stitches along the back of each stump spoke of the surgeon’s care. As far as the aesthetic appearance of his truncated arms was concerned, Callum need not hesitate to bare his naked stumps in public. They looked no more offensive than fingertips.

 

But Callum was more concerned with his rehabilitation as a user of bilateral hooks. His prosthetist had reviewed a small selection of prostheses which were available to him, his initial set, simpler and somewhat more robust that other more advanced models. Callum had decided ahead of time that body‑powered steel hooks were his preferred choice and the prosthetist had no objection.  Shortly after his surgeon declared his stumps sufficiently healed and the process of fitting Callum with his first pair of artificial arms began.

 

It was a simple enough process with most of the components off‑the‑shelf items which could be ordered from any of several suppliers. The prosthetist encouraged Callum to toughen the ends of his stumps by rotating them against a variety of materials in the expectation that they would become desensitised to the pressures which hook use required. His stumps would be inserted into pin‑liners and held immobile. This resulted in the odd sensation of being unable to twist his forearms to move the hook to a more accommodating position and, worse still, the hooks were fixed to their mounts with little range of rotational motion. To all intents and purposes, his prosthetic arms were rigid from below the elbows to the hooks.

 

There were several options available for the sockets. The material itself was black carbon fibre, a handsome material in itself. It was quite possible to add a final layer of textile before completion. Callum had no specific preferences. His forearm sockets would be black with a high gloss surface and the upper arms cuffs which guided the control cables would be thick black leather. It would gradually mould itself to Callum’s upper arms perfectly. Despite the urgency of discharging the rehabilitated patient from the hospital to his home, the prosthetist took his time to ensure maximum comfort and utility. He had often seen how arm amputees frequently rejected their prostheses, stating that they were too difficult to use, unintuitive, awkward or merely ugly. However, he had never met an ungrateful bilateral and tried to ensure that the process of replacing warm natural hands with cold steel hooks was as unremarkable as possible.

 

Callum was visited by two hook users before he was discharged. They were occasionally called on to visit a patient and listen to both the tale of woe and the tentative hopes for the future. They had both been amputees for over twenty years and were experts in manipulating their hooks, which were embellished with rotating and articulating wrist joints and an impressive variety of hook designs. They both assured Callum that he would fare well if he remained calm when faced with the inevitable problems. His first prostheses would be as uncomplicated as possible but ease of use came at a price. Both amputees offered similar advice and when his prosthetist eventually presented him with a pair of pristine artificial arms, a wry smile crossed his face. He was coached for two hours, performing several simple tasks intended to encourage accurate timing and maximum possible dexterity. He paid close attention, knowing that he was about to be discharged, hoping to gain some nugget of additional wisdom which would make all the difference between being an inexperienced cripple and an accomplished hook user. When the moment came and a nurse held his jacket for him, he inserted his unfeeling arms one by one and caught sight of the steel hooks at his cuffs in the reflection from the glass doors. They looked both handsome and appalling. With staff members wishing him farewell, Callum slipped back into reality, his new version of it.

________

 

His companions present on the day of his injury contacted him to let him know they were prepared to help out in any way possible. Callum told them he was back home but relented from complaining about his lot. He was encountering problems with dressing in his accustomed fashion. Bilateral hooks were not well suited to buttoning shirts. Socks were also surprisingly disobedient. He decided that he should probably renew his wardrobe to more casual clothes which were easier to wear and suggested rather than requested their company on a visit to a gentleman’s outfitters in town.

 

Callum was also keen to buy some pipe tobacco. It had become almost a speciality item, rarely stocked by newsagents. After a couple of months without smoking, Callum considered getting by without it but still missed a pipe at odd moments during the day and thought there was little harm in continuing the habit. He tried manipulating his curvaceous pipes with their glossy smooth surfaces and found that he owned none which he could safely hold with his hooks. The hook’s relentless grip caused his pipes to slip and fall. He would have to invest in new pipes, selected for their practicality rather than appearance.

 

Callum was due compensation for his injuries from both his personal insurer and from that of his employer. His solicitor had worked on his behalf and won six figure compensation. His own personal injury compensation was not so significant but it represented a sum which might ensure private prosthetic care for the rest of his life. Knowing that he would soon be in possession of the money, he withdrew several thousand from his savings account to use for new and necessary clothes and accessories, which might include a few new pipes. He also considered employing some kind of housekeeper for five or six hours every day who might tend to things like changing sheets and laundry and preparing simple meals which required peeling vegetables. There were so many minor things which had become near impossible. He could no longer use scissors or screwdrivers. There were other ways of doing things. All in all, Callum remembered the advice he had heard and remained calm when confronted with a new limitation. Practice makes perfect, etc.

 

His old friend accompanied him on an exceptionally thorough shopping trip. The purpose was to acquire several complete outfits which Callum could dress in without needing outside assistance, including smart new jodhpur shoes. He spent a large sum of money on Scottish woollen pullovers, plain and patterned. Somehow they seemed to disguise the outline of his prostheses better than other tops and softened the appearance of his steel hooks. On the way back, they detoured via an old tobacconist established over a century ago and Callum inspected their range of smoking pipes in the hope that he might find something suitable. The shopkeeper was wise beyond his years and sought out a large billiard with a gnarled surface. It had been finished by sandblasting rather than polishing. Callum tilted himself to adjust the angle of his hooks and picked the pipe up to examine it. He could sense that the grip was secure, that this was the kind of exterior treatment which would allow him to hold a pipe. He purchased the pipe, four ounces of tobacco and several boxes of windproof matches.

 

His friend made sure he was safely inside his home, insisting that Callum open his front door himself when Callum proffered the key. His expression became serious as he watched the physical contortions necessary for Callum to do something as simple as turning a key. Without a wrist or supple fingers, it was a major challenge, but something which had to be mastered. Within a few minutes, Callum was alone again and set to unpacking his recent purchases.

 

He changed into his new pair of elasticated trousers and a beige hoodie, loose enough to conceal his sockets. The truth was that Callum’s disability was devilishly difficult to conceal. If he left his prostheses off and wore a simple T‑shirt, his stumps were conspicuous and his disability obvious to everyone who saw him. Similarly, if he wore his hooks, their alien appearance attracted attention and again, his disability was obvious. It might be possible to disguise it with a pair of artificial hands, cable‑operated like his hooks, but their restricted motion would attract attention when he attempted to use them.

 

Unknown to Callum, one of his neighbours had noticed the return of the guy who smoked a pipe. David Hopper was seventeen years old, severely far‑sighted and had to wear ‘coke bottle’ glasses with lenses so thick that his eyes were distorted. He was teased and bullied at school and was quite a loner. He was desperately unhappy with his appearance as only a teenage boy can be and thought he would do anything to look different. He was fascinated by the way a pipe altered the older guy’s appearance. It made him look so manly and handsome. Debonaire was the word he was looking for. If he, David, had the money, hemight buy a pipe too to see how it made him look. But now, David had a new focus for his attention. He could plainly see that the neighbour was suddenly wearing a pair of hooks. Had he lost his hands? Why else would a man use hooks? David was more than fascinated. He was infatuated. This sort of thing was his one fetish, apart from smoking a pipe. It was the most erotic thing he could think of. To live your life with a steel touch. To use unfeeling hooks for everything you ever did. David had read enough manga to see disabled superheroes with their superb chrome‑plated prosthetic limbs, stronger and more beautiful than natural limbs. If David had to choose between losing an arm or a leg, he would choose an arm. Hell, he would choose two! Both arms chopped off halfway with two stumps and a set of chrome‑plated arms with big shining hooks. David was edging close to orgasm, as always happened when he fantasised about being kitted out in a superhero’s artificial limbs.

 

David had collected over a thousand images of men whose appearance he found arousing. Some of them wore aviator goggles or racing helmets or some other device to protect the eyes. They also hid and disguised the eyes. They made the wear look mysterious and masculine. The rest of his collection was devoted to pipe‑smokers, mainly young men. They were mostly advertising material, depicting lumberjacks wearing the ubiquitous red and black check shirt, jeans and loggerman’s boots. Sometimes there was an axe slung over a shoulder but best of all was the pipe clenched in the lumberjack’s jaw. For David, it was the pipe which gave the image its sex appeal. David had a couple of photos he had taken of Callum on his phone from his bedroom window across the street. They were a bit dull and blurred because of the rainy weather but you could make out the way Callum was about to reach up with his right hand to alter the position of his pipe. The pipe was curved and hung down on Callum’s chin. It looked wonderful. If only he could walk down the street with a pipe in his mouth too! But now the guy had lost his hands. How would he be able to smoke a pipe with hooks? How could he fill his pipe and do all the things you had to do with a pipe to get it to light and stay alight? Was it even possible with hooks?

 

Callum was also interested in discovering the same information. The new gnarly pipe, described by the manufacturer as ‘rustic’, stood on its flat base on the kitchen table surrounded by tobacco, a pipe tool and matches. The pipe tool came free with the pipe. Callum hoped to live long enough to learn how to tamp tobacco burning in the bowl of his pipe using the tool with a pair of hooks. He smiled wryly at the idea. For the present, it would be a wonderful achievement to fill the large bowl with rubbed tobacco and to light it successfully with his hooks. It seemed impossible but Callum knew that it would only be difficult and awkward and the more often he attempted the impossible, the sooner he would no longer be inconvenienced by losing his hands because he would be able to use his hooks instead. Not wanting to smoke indoors, he planned on taking a stroll down to the park for a smoke. He could step up onto the disused bandstand and smoke in peace, out of the line of sight of other visitors. He was not shy about other people seeing his hooks but the constant attention was wearing.

 

Callum made a simple lunch and slept for ninety minutes in the afternoon. For almost an hour after waking, he tried various methods of preparing the raw cut shag tobacco to something which would burn evenly in his new pipe. Its bowl was considerably larger than any he had smoked previously. It was not necessarily a bad thing—once filled, a bowl of tobacco might last an entire day, if not longer.

 

Eventually Callum was satisfied with his efforts. He slipped his feet into his new elasticated shoes and stuffed his hoodie’s pocket with everything he might need. His housekeys were on a long chain which slapped against his thigh. Just outside the main door, he paused to reorganise himself. It was foolish to walk to the park holding his pipe. He might as well smoke it on the way. To David Hopper’s surprise and delight, he happened to notice the pipe guy with the hooks trying to light his pipe, it looked like. On the spur of the moment, David decided to follow him to see if he could find a spot where he could watch his superhero unobserved and maybe take a few photos. He put his black hoodie and his black school shoes on and hurried downstairs so as not to lose sight of where the guy with the pipe was going.

 

Callum was grateful to the inventor of windproof matches. They burned longer than ordinary ones and stayed alight, quite long enough to suck a large pipe into life. Callum had his left hook angled to a suitable angle to hold the pipe to his mouth. Much to his surprise, Callum discovered that the tip of his opposing hook acted as a tamper to keep the tobacco packed and burning properly. David Hopper watched his every move twenty metres behind him on the other side of the road, feeling uncomfortable with the slow pace. Callum himself was concentrating more on the novelty of smoking a larger pipe than any he had been used to before the accident. The mouthpiece rose consistently to the same height close to his face. When he was seated, he might try clenching the pipe between his teeth but it was too risky to attempt while strolling along the street. If the pipe slipped, he would never be able to catch it with a hook in time.

 

There seemed to be no‑one else in the park, other than one or two dog walkers whose pets made their slow way from tree to tree. Callum found a secluded bench free of bird droppings and sat. He tamped the burnt tobacco, admired the size and proportions of his large billiard and positioned the pipe back in his mouth. His hooks rested on his thighs, unfeeling, but attractive. As his eye became accustomed to seeing himself sporting bilateral hooks, their appearance became unavoidably more familiar. There was nothing fearsome or unpleasant about the curved hooks, any more than woodworking tools or household implements were unpleasant. Only their presence in place of hands was surprising. Callum thought often about his personal future, specifically regarding his status as a double amputee. It was all part of the process of reconciliation to an altered lifestyle, one which few would wish for but which was not so insurmountable after all. It was all part of the healing process. His stumps had healed and rarely pained him. As an arm amputee, his disability was always on display to others. Most of his process of rehabilitation would involve dealing with the many ways people reacted to seeing his steel hooks.

 

David Hopper was dawdling out of Callum’s line of sight. He wanted to get a better view of Callum smoking his pipe. It was bigger than ordinary pipes. David wondered if it had anything to do with being disabled. A bigger pipe would not need filling or lighting so often. The seventeen year old devotee racked his brain for some reason to approach Callum. They were the only people in the park. No‑one else would see if he made a fool of himself. With unaccustomed chutzpah, David sidled up to the park bench. Callum automatically moved an inch or two in an unspoken gesture. David’s eyes met Callum’s in wordless thanks and he sat awkwardly, his legs spreadeagled so as not to crush his erection. Callum was non‑plussed by the lack of reaction to his appearance. Perhaps the boy had already noticed the hooks and oversized billiard. Callum had known he was being followed for a couple of minutes before he sat down.

 

            – I really like your pipe. I’ve never seen one as big as that before. Is it very heavy?

            – No, not at all. It’s mostly hollow, after all. I can’t put my finger on it but I’m sure I’ve seen you before. Do you live around here?

            – I live opposite your flat on the third floor. I can see your building from my bedroom.

            – Oh, I see. Well, I expect I’ve seen you coming and going. I hope you don’t spy on me from your bedroom.

            – Oh no! Nothing like that. I’d never do anything like that.

            – And yet you know which flat I live in. Hmm. Why are you so interested in my pipe?

            – I’d really like to smoke a pipe when I’m a bit older and can afford to buy one. They’re too expensive for me at the moment. I only have a Saturday job in the cash n’ carry.

            – And it’s a little unusual for a guy your age to smoke a pipe. How old are you? I’m seventeen. My name’s David, by the way.

            – David who?

            – David Hopper.

            – I see. I’m Callum Johnson. Pleased to meet you.

Forcing the inevitable, Callum lifted his right hook and turned towards David. David hesitated for a moment and then grasped the hook firmly. It was an odd shape and cold. The first pulse of release transferred to his testicles and David grunted in a mix of existential nirvana and acute embarrassment. The combination of the big billiard and the cold steel hook with Callum’s friendly behaviour was irresistible.

 

Callum watched David complete his body’s demonstration of approval. He could remember one or two similar occasions when he also succumbed to excess excitement in embarrassing circumstances. Callum decided to change the subject.

            – You haven’t asked about my hooks.

            – I don’t know what to ask. You haven’t had them for long, have you?

            – No, only a few weeks. I’m still learning to use them.

            – How did you lose your hands? I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be nosy.

            – It’s alright. I was electrocuted. My hands were burned to charcoal.

David was horrified. He nodded his head. What an absolutely terrible thing to happen. And yet Mr Johnson seemed quite calm about it. Probably he had been unconscious. That was it. One moment he had hands and was working as usual, the next he was waking up weeks later in a hospital bed without hands.

            – That’s awful. I’m sorry.

            – No need. It wasn’t your fault. And I can manage OK with my hooks.

            – What’s it like to have hooks? Can you still feel anything?

            – No, of course not. Oh, I can feel vibrations in my stumps but I can’t feel with the hooks. I have to watch closely what I’m doing with them. I can’t just sort of feel around for something. I have to see what I want and lift the hook up so I can see where it’s going.

            – Is it difficult?

            – Not really difficult to operate the hook, but sometimes a hook is not the right tool and then I’m in a spot of trouble. It’s like having a wrench permanently on your arm when suddenly you need a screwdriver. Suddenly the wrench is useless.

            – That would be really annoying. I’d hate that.

            – It’s something I have to learn how to get around, David. For example, I can’t handle any of my old pipes because their shapes make them too slippery for the hook to grasp. That’s why I bought this new pipe with a rough surface. So my hook can grip it.

            – I see. I think I understand. It looks cool, having a nice big pipe in your hook. I wish I had a pipe too. We could smoke them together!

            – Whoah! Don’t get ahead of yourself, young man. I don’t think you’re old enough yet to buy tobacco, are you?

            – No, but I will be next birthday. I hope it’s OK to ask but what did you do with your old pipes? You know, the ones which are too slippery.

            – They’re all in a box at the back of my wardrobe. Why do you ask? Would you like to see them?

            – Oh! Yes please!

            – OK. Come with me and I’ll show you.

 

Within the hour David was admiring Callum’s collection of fifteen smoking pipes, two of them almost new and hardly smoked. They were all classic shapes in traditional sizes. Callum knew there were more extravagant, more exhibitionist pipes on the market but they were usually expensive and had to be imported from abroad at even more expense. Callum watched David’s long fingers exploring the smooth surfaces of his favourite pipes and felt a twinge of regret until he remembered how imposing he was holding his new larger pipe to his lips with a steel hook. No, he would not regret what he had lost. He would not swap places with his old self. David had discovered the two newest pipes and noticed the interiors of the bowls were still partly uncarbonised.

            – You haven’t smoked these ones, have you?

            – Not really. Look, if you promise not to get into trouble with them, I’m going to make you an offer. I know you want to learn how to smoke a pipe and I know how much you enjoy seeing me smoking. So I’m going to make you a present of these two pipes on condition that you only smoke them here with me until your eighteenth and you lend a hand with a few simple chores around the flat which I can’t do.

Callum lifted his hooks as an explanation. David’s eyes flashed from one to the other and he nodded enthusiastically.

            – Really? That would be great. Of course I’ll help you. I mean, how often can I call in? Do you mean every day?

            – Do you feel up to doing chores for me every day? I might make you do my laundry or something.

            – I could do that, after school. You know, drop in for an hour. I could do your laundry first and then we could smoke our pipes together. That would be great. You could teach me the proper way to smoke a pipe.

            – Alright. We’ll give it a try. And you won’t have to do my laundry for me. That’s one of the things I can still manage despite these. Now. Leave those two new pipes on the table and take the rest back where they came from, please..

 

________

 

Months passed. David achieved his majority and officially received a gift of the two pipes which he had learned to smoke. Callum encouraged a calm unhurried manner, that of a connoisseur. David’s presence in Callum’s life became like second nature. Despite a decade’s age difference, they had enough in common to make their friendship unremarkable. They could have been brothers, both of them brought up in a household where the father smoked a pipe and encouraged his boys to do the same. There was also the additional factor of Callum’s disability, always present and obvious. David became used to seeing his friend using the hooks. They no longer appeared so completely alien. They were tools which Callum used much like other men used their hands. Nothing remarkable, really. After the initial surprise, they seemed pretty normal. Except that was not really the case. David still found the hooks intensely erotic, although he had learned to control himself in Callum’s presence. But at night when his insistent erection tormented him for relief, he masturbated all the time imagining himself with bilateral hooks and smoking two bent Grizzlies. Two enormous bent pipes, their bowls stuffed to the rims with shag. Sucking the acrid smoke from both pipes deep inside him and expelling the smoke as nose jets, filling his room with smoke as his hooks continued to service his urgent penis. The fantasy never failed. David’s orgasms hit hard and long.

 

David found a job working for the Post Office. His job was to untangle the problems where AI had failed, or which AI had actually caused. His workmates were of a similar age. Older workers were too traditional in their attitudes to AI and were reluctant to enable it to supersede them. The younger workers had already been codified throughout their schooling to accept the fact that they would be working with AI, not against it. The work was encompassed by the legal remit of the P.O. David and his colleagues were not expected to meet members of the public nor to discuss problems directly. All requests for assistance came from the employer and were solved using the self‑same AI which caused the original problems.

 

David found the work sufficiently challenging to be interesting but somehow repetitive and unfulfilling. He occasionally imagined himself sitting at his desk with a pipe. Needless to say, smoking was forbidden in the entire building. He might also be just as productive wearing a pair of hooks like Callum’s. There was nothing he needed natural fingers for. Voice input worked just fine, although the team was discouraged from using it during peak hours. David could easily imagine tapping at his keyboard with a pair of standard issue steel hooks. It would be easy.

 

David persuaded Callum to extend his taste in pipe shapes from the standard classic shapes to more flamboyant shapes. The great advantage was that the bigger pipes were almost always finished in the rustic style, with a rough knobbly surface which was ideal for a man without hands. He had discovered a brand of oversized pipes called Trailman, made somewhere in Eastern Europe where top quality briar grew wild.

 

Callum agreed about the advantages of a large bowl. He could save considerable effort by filling a large bowl perhaps only three times a week instead of a small bowl several times a day. His hooks were ideal tools for scraping karst and burnt carbon from the large bowls. After placing combined orders for a twenty centimetre long straight chimney and a thirty centimetre long Oom Paul with two centimetre wide mouthpiece, both finished in rough rustic style and stained matte black, the pair of pipe enthusiasts made a habit of firing up at home and strolling to the local park together, pipes in mouths, drinking in the startled glances of passersby who had never seen pipes of such extravagant size.

 

Gradually their collections of oversized pipes grew. David favoured large bent pipes which he allowed to rest on his chin, clenching their weight easily between his even teeth. The three giant straight pipes which Callum favoured had stems of different lengths. One had a wide spacious bowl, two others had tall bowls which needed special tools to tend properly. David ensured his friend’s extravagant pipes all functioned perfectly and were kept in optimal condition. Pipe smoking was the most important aspect of their relationship and became the lynchpin of their constant companionship. David was the first to suggest experimentation with smoke swapping, which he had first seen online. The idea was to inhale sufficient smoke for it to remain potent when exhaled into a partner’s mouth, who then returned the favour with smoke from his own pipe. It was basically homosexual kissing fetishised with smoke from enormous briar pipes. In David’s case, he also enjoyed seeing Callum’s mechanical manipulations as he tilted his rigid forearms in order to insert his chimney with its sixteen centimetre tall bowl into his mouth. David’s huge Oom Paul hung from his jaw, its reassuring weight only half that which David required when performing his ultimate masturbatory act, smoking both his Oom Pauls simultaneously while exciting his genitals to orgasm.

 

________

 

David became ever more obsessed with Callum’s disability. His friend had gradually become confident enough with his prosthetic limbs to display them in public. It was the first summer when Callum wore brilliant white T‑shirts with his prostheses over them, making his arms obvious and perhaps intriguing to anyone who saw him. He used his hooks in a flamboyant manner, no longer shy or reserved about peoples’ reactions. David, in short, was envious. He was bored by his work but had shown such concentrated aptitude that he had risen three wage grades and was effectively trapped by financial circumstances. He would probably never find such a well‑paying job elsewhere, outside the Post Office. He craved change in his life, although everything seemed otherwise satisfactory. He rented an apartment in a building where smoking was permitted, he spent most of his leisure time with his lover and was respected by his colleagues. There was a certain matter which played continually on his mind, intruding when he used his hands. He was infatuated with the idea of bilateral amputation of his forearms and, after saving the necessary funds, arranged a hospital visit to meet an Eastern European surgeon who would provide him with two stumps to which standard bilateral below‑elbow prostheses could be fitted after a short period of convalescence. By complete coincidence, David would be in the same town where the artisan who crafted his pipes lived. Another artisan would shortly be tasked with manufacturing a customised pair of prosthetic arms for him.

 

Callum was unaware of David’s intentions. He had known from the very outset that the younger man was as infatuated with his hooks as with his pipes. The man himself had played a lesser role at first, becoming an independent individual in David’s mind only as he matured. Their early acquaintance enabled David to learn to trust and eventually rely on Callum as a role model and advisor to become the man he wished to be, calm and collected, intelligent and diligent, with one personal peccadillo—his fetish for smoking enormous rustic pipes, something which he was privately proud to have encouraged his amputee friend to adopt. In retrospect, Callum should have suspected David’s life’s ambition to disable himself in an identical fashion. The pair of them were so alike in every other way.

 

David departed by rail for a three day journey to his final destination, overnighting in Lyon, Salzburg and Timişoara. He completed his journey by bus, bouncing along country roads until they arrived at the outskirts of his destination, where a junior doctor awaited his arrival. David was escorted to the small local hospital to meet and discuss his needs and desires with both the operating surgeon and his prosthetist colleague. David had known before that he would be fitted with a pair of artificial arms and hooks before he returned to England but he had not realised that they would be crafted from leather over a steel framework instead of being moulded from carbon fibre. He was first annoyed that he would be thwarted by not returning with the arms he fetishised but as the prosthetist continued his description, David soon changed his attitude completely. Brown leather sockets and the steel framework sounded especially intriguing. He had seen similar prostheses manufactured in England for war veterans in the Fifties and early Sixties. He was going to have a distinguished set of prostheses.

 

The amputations were approved by the surgeon and his assistants. The patient was lucid, logical and determined to remain a productive member of society. He had long seen his destiny as that of a double arm amputee and was psychologically prepared to confront the immediate drawbacks with patience and fortitude. David’s stumps were created the following morning and his hands with ten centimetres of forearm attached were incinerated. He was allowed to remain conscious after the anaesthetic and spent most of the time holding his stumps in front of him trying to comprehend the absence of hands.

 

The nursing staff were attentive and professional. David was surprised at the standard of care in this small town well off the beaten track. He was helped with everything necessary and asked many times if there was anything else he needed help with. But relaxing in bed with his stumps hidden inside bulky dressings, there was little he needed. A glass of water, a change of pyjamas. His prosthetist appeared on the fourth day to inspect his stumps during a change of compression bandages. Thirty years of experience lay behind his confidence that the young English patient would return bearing a handsome functional pair of the most minimalist artificial arms humanly possible. David’s imagination did not conjure the equipment he would receive.

 

Eleven days after the amputations, the surgeon announced that the stumps had healed enough for David to forgo the bandages but should continue to wear shrinkers, tightly fitting stockings, on his stumps. They would aid internal healing and ensure that the stumps were formed into the phallic rounded shape which David had insisted on. His prosthetist made short appearances, always with his tape measure, always with his reassuring manner that the work on his hooks was progressing most satisfactorily. On the twenty‑third day’s afternoon, the prosthetist arrived with a long cardboard box under his arm and David was invited to a small fitting room where the pair of them could find privacy.

 

            – Please! Open the box. I am sure you will approve of what you find within.

            – I certainly hope so!

David faltered slightly as he stretched his stumps to grip the lid. He was still not completely familiar with the new length of his arms and tended to under reach. The lid was loose and fell from David’s grasp. He brushed it aside with a stump and peered down at the stunning prosthetics which he found. Never in his wildest imagination could he have envisaged anything like what he saw awaiting for him. And he was going to be actually wearing these! They would replace his hands for a lifetime. Ironically, he was unable to feel the quality of the leather stump cups or the coolness of the bright steel frame or the mechanical security of the circular steel elbow joints.

            – We must first configure your harness. It is this, made of canvas. Leather is more beautiful but uncomfortable to wear.

The prosthetist fussed with the black canvas, ensuring its straps and loops were symmetrical and equidistant. The prosthetist extracted the left prosthesis from the box and guided it along David’s outstretched stump. The ten centimetre long leather cup accepted the tip of David’s stump. It could be tightened with lacing. Steel bars continued on both sides of the stump cup for another few centimetres, meeting at the base where a tapped hole held a standard steel hook. The prosthetist gently twisted the mechanical elbow joint into place and set to lacing the upper arm cuff.

            – It is this cuff which will hold the prosthesis to your stump. Your stump is too young, too fresh, to carry the weight of the prosthesis. The steel frame will take the stress. If you are careful, mindful of your stumps, you will use these steel and leather arms to their full benefit. Do not try to use them to do things which you did not do before! They do not make you superman! Do you understand?

            – Yes, of course. Can I have the other arm now, please?

            – Patience, my young friend. Soon enough you will have two hooks and two beautiful artificial arms. I have chosen the best leather for your arms. I hope you will show the high quality to people in your homeland.

            – Oh, I will! No problem.

 

David realised only when he stood that the prostheses were considerably heavier than he had anticipated. He had handled Callum’s arms many times. They were lightweight and easily manoeuvrable. This pair was heavy, restrictive and unresponsive. In addition, the peculiar elbow hinges prevented him from moving his hooks from left to right. He could move his arms up and down well enough, although they felt heavy on his upper forearms. The leather cups prevented the tips of his stumps from touching the inner surface. Probably to keep them from chafing against the leather, he assumed. The prosthetist circled him making minuscule corrections and began the process of linking the prostheses to the harness. As the final step, the control cables were attached to the hooks and David was finally wearing unexpectedly basic artificial arms which he had lusted after. He inspected himself in the mirror and noted small patches of his flesh around his elbows and at his shoulders. He could hide his skin easily enough by wearing long black stump socks. The prosthetist explained how the hooks opened. They were immovable. The tips of both hooks pointed towards the other. David practised opening and closing each hook in turn and together. He had watched other patients do the same hundreds of times. The prosthetist demonstrated how the hooks could be oriented to point upwards or downwards for other tasks, but David would have to find a firm nook into which he could insert a hook before he could twist his body and change the hook’s direction. It seemed a very primitive way of going about things. But if he ever wanted to pick up something like a glass of water to drink, he would have to learn how to readjust his hooks on the fly. The steel looked so unforgiving and the leather so relentlessly inert. He had no hands. Only a pair of uncooperative steel hooks on his phallic stumps.

 

David was allowed to continue to wear his arms after the pair of them left the fitting room. The prosthetist promised to be at his patient’s every beck and call, an expression which David had never heard before. In view of the lateness of the day, David was allowed to overnight one last time in the hospital. The same familiar nurse who had tended to his every need for the past weeks helped him don his demanding artificial arms, which needed someone else’s assistance for the accurate lacing of the leather sockets. David was dubious about his three day return journey—who could he possibly ask for such a distasteful intimate favour? The bus to Timişoara snorted to a halt and David was exposed to the inquisitive stares of strangers for the first time. He did his best to conceal his deviant arms but the mechanical elbows refused to allow another position and David travelled with his hooks fully visible resting on his thighs for the next three hours. The gaps between the steel frame holding the hooks and the bottom of the stump sockets looked quite remarkable. With a jacket of suitable length, it would appear that his prostheses comprised only steel framework with hooks. He looked at his new hooks as often as any of his fellow passengers, fascinated by their alien appearance and stunned to think that he would rely on such devices forever. He would never be without artificial hands and arms again. He would forever be known as the guy with the hooks. And his phallic stumps were to share with Callum, just as Callum shared his with David. What a couple they would make! Assuming Callum accepted David with artificial arms. Their friendship had begun through the assistance David’s flesh and blood hands provided for Callum in the early years of his hookdom. Now their roles were reversed and David would rely on Callum’s expertise with his hooks while he acclimatised to his new life.

 

David wore his hooks for forty‑eight hours until he was asked by a conductor on the German‑French border if he needed any assistance. He poured out his regret at travelling alone when he knew he was so vulnerable. The harness was chafing, his stumps itched and the interiors of the stump cups felt damp with sweat. He explained that he would like to remove his artificial arms for an hour or so, to allow the leather to dry. The conductor understood. They went to the disabled toilet and the conductor removed David’s arms, laying them on the table designed for nappy changes.

            – I will bring these to your seat. In one hour I shall ask if you want your arms again. Is that OK?

            – Yes! That’s wonderful.

            – Wait just a minute. I will wash your stump arms for you. I’m sorry we have only cold water.

It too felt wonderful. The conductor gently dabbed water from the stumps with paper towels and David saw for the first time how erotic his phallic rounded stumps were in the hands of another man.

 

________

 

David had no intention of even trying to use his key to open the apartment door. Instead he rapped three times with his right hook. The sound was sharp and insistent and echoed in the corridor. Moments later, more metallic sounds issued from the other side of the door as Callum dealt with the lock. Callum pulled the door open and looked at David in surprise.

            – Oh!  It’s you! I wasn’t sure when to expect you. Have you lost your key or something?

            – Er, yeah. Something.

David altered his stance and placed his feet to face Callum square on. Keeping his eyes on Callum’s face, he shrugged his harness for a little slack and raised his stumps to display the old‑fashioned leather and steel prostheses he was wearing. Callum was so shocked that his knees gave way and he staggered, swiping at the wall with his left hook to regain his balance.

            – What the hell happened? What have you done? Come in for god’s sake.

            – There’s not much to explain. I had my hands amputated in Romania and they made me my first pair of hooks. How do you like them?

David shucked his jacket with some effort and the extent of his new prostheses became evident. The entire length of his arms was covered almost completely by leather and steel, nothing like the space‑age carbon fibre sockets and cuffs which Callum had always worn. But the hooks were the same design from the same manufacturer.

            – Did you do that for me? Because of me?

            – Well, I did it for me mostly but I don’t think I’d have gone ahead if I didn’t have you as an example. You don’t mind me having hooks too, do you Callum?

            – Of course not! How long are your stumps? Oh, I see! The leather socket is holding your stumps. Do you have to lace them up every morning?

            – No. The laces stay tied but they’re easily adjustable.

            – That’s a good idea, actually. I reckon I could wear those arms. Can I try them on tonight?

            – Sure! Thanks for taking this so well, Callum. I was really worried. I thought maybe you’d be angry and throw me out or something like that.

            – Don’t be ridiculous. Who else would have you? Come here!

David stepped forward and the bilateral amputees enveloped each other with their artificial arms, rigid, senseless and unfeeling. Both men felt the pressure of hard material against their ribcages and the latent power of their insistent erections.

 

Callum helped David empty his suitcase of dirty laundry and the myriad accessories which the prosthetist had insisted David take with him. Sewing machine oil for the hooks, boot polish for the leatherwork and a piece of chamois leather to keep the steel bright and shining. There were a dozen extra rubber bands for the hooks and a convoluted applicator. Almost none of them could be used by a bilateral amputee. The realisation that they were both fairly helpless as far as prosthetic care was concerned passed through Callum’s mind. Up until now, he had relied on David’s fingers to renew the rubber bands on his hooks or the control cable when the old one snapped. Now both of them were as disabled as the other. They would have to find a new volunteer who would not shy away from the sight of two disabled men with missing hands.

 

Another task now fell to Callum, at least temporarily. He had tempered his urge to smoke to a few minutes after breakfast before he began work and after the evening news when he had taken up a gentlemanly habit of enjoying a dram of good whisky as a nightcap. The contrast in size between the enormous gnarly black wooden bowl of his pipe and the diminutive size of his snifter amused him. He loved the heft of his big pipes. They all provided reliable surfaces for his hooks to grip and their weight offered the only kind of tactile sensation available to the handless pipesmoker. As the broadcast’s outro trumpeted its goodbye, Callum ordered the screen to blank and asked David if he would like a smoke.

            – You’ve not smoked since you left, have you? I noticed you left all your pipes here.

            – No. I didn’t think the hospital would let me and I didn’t think I would be able to after the operation anyway. Are you going to smoke? Can you fill one of mine?

            – Just one? Are you sure? Ha! Alright. The Oom Paul, right?

            – Yes please. You know, I really missed it at first. Just having the weight on my chin resting on my chest.

            – I know. I love the weight too. The fact that I have to sacrifice a hook for the entire time I smoke. It makes me doubly disabled when an entire arm is dedicated to holding and tending to the chimney.

            – You like that one most, don’t you?

            – I do. It is the most extrovert pipe I can imagine ever owning. Its proportions are perfection. Only its size is mind‑boggling. And the twenty centimetre bowl is just so in your face.

            – I love to see you smoke it. I love the way your hook grips the bowl and the way the stem points around when you try to get it to your lips.

            – You make me sound disabled somehow. Here! Take your pipe and let’s see how well you do with it.

Callum pushed his shag across to David who first attempted to reorient his pipe so he could pick it up. The elbow joints, absent from Callum’s prostheses, prevented easy motion. David lifted his upper arms and twisted his body in order to allow his hooks access to the sac of tobacco. Callum watched him closely, not only because of the novelty of seeing David with hooks instead of hands but also because the prostheses were so different from those available nationally. He could see that despite the primitive design, they had been made with skill and pride in workmanship. Except for the restrictive elbow joints, he could imagine himself using a similar pair, perhaps not as his regular pair but as something exotic at the weekends or on a country walk on a sunny day. How passers‑by would stare!

 

David’s progress at filling his pipe was slow to non‑existent. The task involved twisting the hooks from vertical to horizontal and back again and David was simply not practised enough for it.

            – Let me do it, David. Watch how I do it.

            – I get the idea that I’ll be doing that quite a lot.

Callum glanced at him and smirked. David was still in the initial excitement phase of his transition to limblessness. Soon he would be overcome by doubt, then depression. Suddenly he would have an epiphany and realise that he was using his hooks in a far more natural manner and finally he would actually accept his situation and begin to appreciate his hooks. Callum rather suspected that he would go further and act as an instigator for other young men whose dreams were filled with artificial limbs.

 

That first evening of David’s return, Callum allowed David the use of his prostheses until bedtime. He could try them on some other time. Callum’s erection on seeing his lover’s mutilated body grew to a painful size and the two men spent time exploring each other’s genitals and stumps before sleep. Four artificial arms lay neatly beside them in the darkened bedroom.

 

David announced to his employer that he had been injured on vacation and now used hooks instead of hands. He assured the HR department that he was still perfectly capable of doing his job but was invited for an interview three days before he was due to return following his summer vacation. The head of the HR department, an immigrant from a war‑torn African republic, was visibly distressed at seeing the unsophisticated prostheses David wore as they reminded her of sights she would prefer to forget. However, David demonstrated that he could manage his job with both vocal and manual commands after first training the office system to recognise his hooks as hands. His gestures were not as eloquent as they once were but adequate to open and close files or drag left or right.

 

Callum waited for David to initiate the conversation rather than bring it up unnecessarily but he was curious to know whether David was satisfied with his heavy prostheses or whether he might prefer to be fitted with a modern western pair. However, David had batted through his spate of regret, which he had anticipated and therefore prepared himself beforehand to look on the brighter side of his disability. He had achieved functional artificial arms. Everyone who saw him unavoidably noticed his hooks immediately. He was free to remove his artificial arms in order to use his handsome naked stumps in tandem to hold a can of soda or a glass of beer. Callum encouraged David to smoke his huge pipes by gripping them between his stumps. It was the zenith of disablement. Not only did David no longer have his prostheses, his stumps were restricted to the solitary task of holding his pipe and nothing else. The men’s erections were synchronous and never less than insistent. Callum watched David’s lips and jaw readjust his big pipe as they returned from the park where they went to smoke every evening. Callum suggested that David leave his hooks at home and frequently removed his own after their return in order to experience wearing David’s heavy primitive equipment. Callum enjoyed seeing the airy gaps along the arms between the steel frame and the leather sockets with their discoloured shoelace closures. He would have enjoyed a similar pair but had other preferences which took precedence.

 

Callum had inevitably discovered several bilateral amputees who preferred to wear mechanical body‑powered prostheses rather than electronic bionic artificial hands and had forged a mutually admiring relationship with a mid‑Western farmer who not only ran a farm, he also ran a truck hire company and had taught himself to drive with two above‑elbow artificial arms and two below‑knee artificial legs. Callum had gradually become familiar with the man’s demanding prosthetic arms with their artificial elbows and double action cable controls. He admired seeing the man operating his artificial limbs and using them to operate farming equipment and now felt psychologically ready to progress to the next stage of disability and prosthetic use. His farmer friend had long upper arm stumps and occasionally appeared online without them. He gestured with his stumps and leaned back in his chair with his stumps spread out to each side. Callum wanted the same but most of all, he hankered after an identical pair of two‑phase prosthetic arms, making it essential to relearn how to manage artificial arms, this time far more challenging with a much greater risk of failure and severe disablement if his attempts were unsuccessful. He bade his time and watched David master his primitive hooks. When the time was right, Callum would follow in David’s footsteps and pay a visit to a small town in Transylvania.

 

David’s return to work was accompanied by new responsibilities, all of which could be controlled and notated by artificial intelligence under David’s vocal control. His co‑workers were initially curious but reticent to see the peculiar devices which suddenly replaced David’s hands. Gradually their curiosity overcame their reluctance and by the end of the first month, David had demonstrated both his artificial arms and their mechanical logistics and, in one case, his stumps. A tousle‑haired lanky graduate, one of the new recruits. paid increasingly frequent attention and professed great admiration for the skill with which David manipulated his hooks. It was no surprise when the young man, Paul Costa, quietly swore David to secrecy one Friday afternoon and admitted that he was infatuated with the idea of adopting artificial arms for himself, if only he could find a willing surgeon, and of course, if he had the funds. David was fond of Costa, who often joined him for a few minutes at lunchtime, wordlessly doing things which David could no longer do, like removing wrappers, opening bottle caps or sachets of ketchup. Paul Costa knew that he too would be unable to do similar tasks if he gained his own arm stumps. The fantasy of such permanent disability, the life‑long absence of his beautiful hands with their long slender fingers and perfect shiny nails replaced by a standard pair of curved hooks never failed to culminate in a sexual response.

 

Callum became aware of Costa’s existence by David’s occasional references and he was further intrigued to hear David’s suspicion that the young guy was a wannabe.

            – That’s interesting. What do you think? How does he react to you when you’re around?

            – He’s great. He’s attentive and helpful. It’s like he knows exactly what I need or want and he goes ahead and does it for me without me needing to ask.

            – So it’s like he’s thought about your situation—our situation—beforehand and knows how to help.

            – Yeah, he does.

            – Well, he sounds like a very useful colleague to have around. I’d like to meet him. Why don’t you invited him round next Friday evening for a few beers. Tell him you’d like to show him other artificial arms but don’t say they’re attached to me! Have you told him about me?

            – No, of course not. It’s none of his business. I don’t think anyone knows we share a flat together.

            – I’m already looking forward to seeing his face when he sees these.

Callum swung his stumps around, once again conscious that in a couple of months, David’s surgeon would truncate his stumps, amputating his elbows. Callum intended to become severely crippled and intended wearing a solitary right arm prosthesis. His left stump would remain hidden in clothing. He also wanted to see what the Transylvanian clinic would produce when tasked with manufacturing an arm with an artificial elbow. He wanted to wear something crafted from honest traditional materials, a prosthesis which might have been made a century earlier.

 

Young Costa was flattered at being invited to visit David’s home and excited at the idea of seeing another set of artificial arms. Maybe he would even be allowed to handle them. He was quite aware that David’s hooks were attached to completely deviant sockets, nothing more really than a steel frame with a leather cup to keep the tip of David’s stump in place. He supposed that the second pair would be the more normal pink plastic type.

 

Callum was pleased to hear that Costa had accepted the invitation and began considering how the guy might be persuaded to assist his partner while he underwent his next amputations. And why stop there? After he returned home with a single primitive above‑elbow prosthesis, David would still be reliant on outside help for functions where his basic pair of hooks had proved inadequate. Callum would be equally disabled for a while, although he was determined to learn how to succeed in life as a one‑armed hook user. Callum considered the benefits of revealing his ambition at this stage and decided that if Costa was honest and open about his own wants and desires, Callum would recruit the boy as some kind of personal assistant not only for his month of absence but far into the future. Callum could easily afford to pay him from the generous interest accruing on his compensation funds.

 

Callum’s wait to see Costa’s expression was rewarded when he rose from his chair and turned to watch David arrive with their guest. Costa was unaware of Callum’s existence and was initially surprised and somewhat disappointed that David was not a loner like himself. But his face lit up with surprise and apparent delight when Callum extended his right hook to shake and then brought his left hook into view to press against the back of Costa’s hand, trapping it. It was not a comfortable grip but Costa was unable to withdraw. The handshake lasted too long, much to Callum’s amusement. He was transfixed by the play of confusion, surprise and admiration on the handsome youngster’s face. He released Costa’s hand.

            – Welcome to our home. As you can see, we are both disabled and therefore, I beg you to help yourself to what we have on offer and if you have a mind, bear our disability in mind and help us too.

            – Thank you, er, Callum. I will. Would you like anything right now?

            – Go and see if there is anything in our refrigerator which you might like to drink. If you see something, please bring three.

Callum winked at David, bemused by the unusual officious language. David knew very well that Callum was perfectly capable of fetching and mixing his own drinks and had all the necessary paraphernalia which allowed a handless man to prepare a cocktail. Costa carried three tins of lager and offered one each to his hosts.

            – Oh, open them please. What shall we call you? Mr Costa is a little too formal, don’t you think?

            – Just call me Paul. Actually, my parents call me Paul but make it rhyme with ‘trowel’.

            – Are they Portuguese?

            – Brazilian. How did you guess?

            – I’ve been around. It also explains your handsome stubble and moustache. I would have killed to be able to grow proper facial hair when I was younger. Well, I suppose all I needed to do was wait. It grows well enough now.

            – You have a very handsome beard, sir.

            – Of course, the beard is mainly because shaving with these is such a nuisance.

Costa was treated to another display of Callum’s hooks. He was not shy of demonstrating them any longer, unlike at the beginning when he had stuffed his hooks into a hoodie’s central pocket and slunk through dark streets after nightfall in the hope that no‑one would look at him. Now he was knowingly extrovert with his hooks and hoped that the next phase in his prosthetic future would be as rewarding.

 

They discussed their work associations and how David had been attracted to join Callum in a life featuring disability. Costa did not ask nor did David reveal the reason for his limblessness, although Costa would have understood and drawn premature enthusiasm from the concept of elective amputation. Callum reasoned that if the lad were to join their household in some shape or form, he had better be able‑bodied until the three of them could agree that a new bilateral amputee, as Costa would inevitably wish to become, was a timely outcome after a long period of service. The fact of the matter was obvious—after Callum mastered his cantankerous metal‑framed prosthesis and hook, David would certainly hanker for the same degree of more severe disablement. There would be a long period when the original occupants of the apartment would both be above‑elbow amputees and would appreciate their manservant retaining his upper limbs for as long as possible before succumbing to the inevitable. Callum estimated a range of fifteen years before young Costa was himself in a position of requiring assistance. What would he think about seeing Callum’s new above‑elbow stumps after his Transylvania tour? Ironically, Callum himself imagined himself sporting two above‑elbow stumps, two thirds the length of his upper arms and carefully moulded to be neat and inoffensive.

 

The evening proved a grand success for each of those present. David admitted that he struggled at work with several personal matters and would appreciate Costa’s assistance in the men’s room. It would expedite matters considerably. Costa agreed with pleasure, happy to forge a closer and more intimate relationship with a bilateral amputee. Costa in turn was flattered and excited by Callum’s offer to think about learning more about the needs and requirements of amputees and to volunteer his time in the mornings, evenings and weekends to assist the partners. Fortunately, Costa would be easily able to assist for about fifty minutes each morning, assuming they all departed to their workplaces at the same time. Callum was the most highly rewarded. With the assurance of assistance for David arranged and assured, Callum would be able to travel across Europe for his remedial surgery.

________

 

The surgeon welcomed Callum at the town’s bus station and indicated a fine black BMW. They spoke of David, whom the surgeon remembered well. He was pleased to learn of David’s acclimatisation to a handless life, although he had privately known that he would make a success of it. Successful wannabes almost always did, unless the realisation that reality and fantasy did not coincide. He had heard of new amputees who went to the frustrating lengths of committing suicide without the use of their hands. People were strange.

 

Callum’s request was quite clear. The surgeon had accepted the task of reducing the length of Callum’s stumps and Callum assumed that was the end of the matter. However, the surgeon had his patients’ best interests in mind and wanted to discuss the future body image of his English patient. The man was a successful bilateral and used his prostheses with skill and elegance. Apparently the man had lost his hands traumatically but the surgeon assumed that the man had discovered joy and fulfilment in his stumps and artificial arms and in learning to operate steel hooks instead of natural hands. The transformation was often life‑changing for an unexpected reason—the mechanical replacements controlled by truncated limbs were far more pleasurable to use than anyone could anticipate. There was great satisfaction in continuing to live life as normally as possible after such severe maiming and to find aesthetic pleasure in the physical transformation.

 

            – I understand completely the desire to become a bilateral above‑elbow amputee, Mr Johnson. You are an expert with your hooks. I believe you will soon be as expert with the hooks on your new arms.

            – I only want the right prosthesis. I intend being a one‑armed man.

            – And the one arm is a prosthesis. Is that correct? Do I understand?

            – Yes. I want the other stump to be a mere anchor for the shoulder harness.

            – Ah! Yes, I understand. But would you not be more comfortable with your body if the left stump were short, only long enough to loop a harness to? It would be too short to operate a second artificial arm efficiently, although you may find a simple passive arm useful to fill the sleeve of your coat.

            – I haven’t thought about a short stump. How short do you mean?

            – I would leave you with five centimetres of bone. That is enough. Your shoulders would also retain their even shape. The stump would look very fine gripping the harness. It is the only thing it can do.

            – I understand. The other stump would be long though, wouldn’t it?

            – Oh yes, of course. It would be long and strong to allow you to operate the dual‑operation prosthesis.

            – Will I have a prosthesis made here?

            – Would you like one? One of our traditional steel and leather prostheses?

            – Yes! That’s exactly what I would like.

            – I will arrange it. The mechanism for the elbow or hook is similar to a modern arm. It has never been improved. But when you have learned the movement, you will always succeed. It will be as natural for you.

            – That’s what I want. One arm. A difficult arm which I must always work to control. My own personal mechanical arm of steel and leather.

            – Only one arm?

            – Yes.

            – Are you sure of this, Mr Johnson?

            – Yes.

 

Callum’s stumps were re‑amputated the next day. The hooks from his prostheses were removed for recycling and the rest of the apparatus was discarded. The surgeon was satisfied that the man had seen sense and agreed to a short nub on his left but all the same, he understood the importance of symmetry to the man. Callum had always had a symmetrical body, both with and without hands. His artificial arms matched and so did his hooks. Now he would appear unsymmetrical with an artificial arm but empty space on his left. The surgeon sympathised on his prestigious patient’s behalf and called the prosthetist to inspect the patient quickly before he awoke from his anaesthetic. The prosthetist was inclined to agree with the surgeon and suggested a design for an artificial stump which might please the one‑armed man. He took a few basic measurements and immediately set to designing a pattern using his best leather. He envisaged an elongated prosthetic stump of thick black leather which the patient would wear around his shoulders. It would be stitched of several pieces to produce a rounded tip and its length would be compatible with the right arm’s residual stump. The patient could be symmetrical after a fashion, if he so wished.

 

Callum was thrown into immediate confusion upon waking. He understood where he was and what had happened to him but he sensed that something was amiss, something difficult to pinpoint. As he sensed the extent of his stumps, he realised that the long club‑like stump did not feel correct when paired with the nub at his left shoulder. He was delighted by the prospect of being handicapped by the lack of elbows, indeed, by the lack of an entire arm. Only the nub remained, secretive and hidden, a reminder of what once had been and a rudimentary appendage which might occasionally retain a decorative artificial arm and hand. The long stump, a merely rigid remnant useful only for attaching to his single functional artificial arm and hook, felt full of latent promise like an unassembled component. It was otherwise a useless thing, too long to look arresting, too simple to be interesting. Fortunately Callum had every intention of wearing a hook permanently and therefore the errant stump would be hidden from public view. David might appreciate it. It was as phallic as an arm stump could look although it was not as easily manoeuvrable as his below‑elbow stumps had been.

 

Unfortunately, there was a problem with the right stump. The suture became infected and refused to close. Antibacterial drugs and salves were applied to no avail. To his great chagrin, the surgeon apologised for the circumstances and suggested re‑amputation to remove potentially gangrenous tissue. Callum understood that he had little choice in the matter and gave his consent. By early evening, he was again symmetrical. He had mirror‑image nubs at his shoulders and had effectively forever lost the ability to raise his prosthetic arms. His arms would hang from his shoulders and offer the possibility of raising the forearm. To move his hooks from left to right, he would have to swivel his body. His future dexterity would be a masculine dance of determination. The additional disability would also necessitate pairing the right prosthesis with another on the left. Only with a functioning pair would Callum have a practical opportunity to function. He was disappointed by never experiencing life with one prosthetic arm but looked forward to wielding a pair of the leather and steel prostheses he had been promised.

 

The prosthetist had already started work on Callum’s prosthetic left stump and was uncertain whether to continue. He mentioned the matter to the surgeon who suggested fitting an inert hook to the tip.

            – It would appear to be of little use but we know how often amputees are delighted with the most basic of amenities. Perhaps you could make a pair.

            – A pair of thirty centimetre long rigid sockets with inert steel hooks? Very well, it shall be. The man’s amputations mean that I shall need much less leather for his arms.

 

The second amputation was a complete success. The suture healed perfectly and the short stumps assured Callum that his shoulders would remain straight and broad. Perhaps his stumps were not too short for prosthetic use. He had seen other men boasting equally brief stumps, twisting their torsos to don the complicated network of straps and cables associated with their replacement limbs. They drove, operated computers, electrical workshop tools, tended to livestock. It was a man’s life and perfectly achievable with hooks.

 

________

 

Callum’s return was largely made possible by a chance meeting with another English amputee who had taken advantage of inexpensive local services to have a leg prosthesis made. He was delighted with its comfort and weight, possibly due to the all‑natural materials from which it had been hewn and the fact that the lower leg was a solid piece from knee to toes.

            – I always wanted a wooden leg, you see, since I lost mine. I was ten, playing in traffic. Not a wise thing to do.

            – Thanks for the warning. I shall try to remember.

            – Ha! Are you going far?

            – Going home. South London.

            – Oh really? We’re probably booked on the same route, then. Do you mind if I jog along with you?

            – No, of course not. My name’s Callum Johnson, by the way.

            – I’m Alistair Down. Are you on the same quest as me?

            – Getting new prosthetics you mean? Yeah, I suppose I am. I’ve been an amputee for over a decade though and heard about these simpler, more reliable prostheses from a friend and decided to check them out and here I am wearing two of them.

            – They look very striking.

 

Callum was wearing a two‑part leather yoke from which his new artificial arms were suspended. His meagre stumps were enclosed in leather sockets attached to a steel framework which formed both upper and lower arms with a hefty circular mechanism at the elbows. He operated the elbows and the hooks by moving his opposing shoulder forward. Alternating between elbow and hook entailed jerking his prosthesis with a precise motion. He was unused to it. He could manipulate his hooks like an expert, although he had now lost the ability to move them laterally. He felt gratifyingly disabled and continued to experiment with his new prostheses’ limitations and incapabilities. When he was more skilful with his apparatus, he would always wear plain white T–shirts, sleeveless if possible, to show off his artificial arms which resembled no other pair he had seen. The lower arms were U‑shaped steel bars with his hooks screwed firmly into the crossbar, similar to David’s pair but without the stump cups. The upper arms were of a matching style. Callum’s nubs were housed in glossy leather sockets and played little to no role in the operation of the equipment.

 

The prosthetist had presented him with a complimentary pair of static hooks, explaining that although they looked unusual, he might find them useful some time. They were long leather sockets with steel fittings holding thick curvaceous hooks. They could not move in any direction. The hooks were at elbow length. Callum was dubious about their appearance and their possible utility but accepted them graciously and thanked the prosthetist for his skill and good will. The spare hooks were in Callum’s suitcase which Alastair lifted into the ancient bus’s luggage well. The men were well matched companions. They had intelligent conversations but were also comfortable with the other’s silence. It was a long slow return trip and Callum allowed himself the luxury of relaxing while someone else saw to the details, most of which required fingers.

 

Callum negotiated his own way after leaving Alastair at St Pancras. He had become accustomed to the greater weight of his new arms and was grateful for them. He was certain he would have felt considerably inconvenienced if he had only one arm, as he had originally intended. He found it enormously disabling not to have movement from his shoulders to raise and lower the prosthetic arms. He could raise only his forearms and rotate his body for more exact positioning of the hooks. He felt completely disabled and the familiar relentless physical reaction reminded him of the physical perfection of severe limblessness aided by primitive prosthetics which, to his mind, were the best possible replacements for unwanted flesh.

 

David was alone when Callum arrived. He was shocked to find his companion looking somewhat different from what he expected. Callum had two hooks and looked a little apprehensive. The reason was soon apparent. Instead of becoming one‑armed with a single artificial arm and hook, he had lost both arms and now relied on a heavy steel framework terminating in split hooks. His range of motion seemed to be restricted to the bare minimum possible and he had no motion at all from his shoulders. His upper arms were clamped rigid by the handsome black leather yoke which supported the framework, suggesting that his stumps were impractically short. Why did he not sport the long upper arm stump he had talked about before his departure?

 

David’s confusion fell away gradually after he spent time attending to Callum’s needs and discovered that Callum had already begun the demanding process of mastering his mechanical elbows, although he favoured the right limb. Callum could hold a plastic water bottle and drink from it but a mug of tea was too impractical for his hooks. He could feed himself with food held in a hook but cutlery was beyond his capabilities.

            – Would you like a smoke?

            – I would. I dared not ask.

            – Don’t be ridiculous. Do you want the chimney?

            – I’d love it.

            – I’ll hold it for you.

            – Aren’t we going to the park?

            – Do you feel up to it?

            – I don’t see why not. I won’t smoke while we’re walking, though. Not until I’m more used to these arms.

The steel framework of both arms was crooked at ninety degrees. His hooks needed repositioning by the same amount for him to grasp the tall bowl of his heavy pipe. David managed the task with his own hooks and set to ensuring both pipes were filled with fresh shag and clear of inner obstructions.

 

Callum was unable to hold his pipe in his hooks. He needed to angle his upper arm but could not. David settled his own huge bent pipe in his teeth and turned to allow Callum to lean forward to suck sweet smoke from the pipe gripped in David’s hooks.

            – I have another pair of hooks in my bag. I was wondering if they might be more useful for smoking my chimney with. The hook might support the bowl and I’ll be able to raise my stumps.

            – Where did you get a second pair already?

            – The prosthetist—you remember him—made them as an experiment, I think. I just wonder if the chimney will fit onto the hook.

            – We’ll give it a try when we get back.

 

Callum allowed David to remove his prostheses and inspect his newly created nubs. David was one again dubious on Callum’s behalf but the older man demonstrated their range of motion and the neat suture scars around the inner surface of his remaining skin. Callum was clearly perfectly au fait with his reconformed body and laughed aloud at David’s expression.

            – How do you like them? I get the idea that you’ll not be rushing to Transylvania for a couple of revisions.

            – They look incredible but they’re not what you wanted, are they, Callum? You spoke so much about how you wanted one fully artificial arm, just one black limb with a hook.

            – I could still have that.

            – But it would be far more difficult to operate, wouldn’t it? You can’t move your stump around like that if you’re also wearing a pros on it.

            – True enough. It’s going to be an adventure, David. I’ve already decided I’m not going to return to work. I can easily retire on the compensation I got for my original amputations. It’s what the money is intended for, after all. No, no more work for me.

            – What are you going to do instead?

            – I’m going to dedicate the rest of my life to demonstrating how a bilateral above‑elbow amputee can relearn how to live life with demanding arm prostheses. I’ll start my own video service and charge non‑amputees a fortune to watch my gymnastics. Will you get the other little hooks, please?

David found them easily enough but was uncertain which was left and which right.

            – They’re marked D and S just inside the sockets. S is left. That’s the one I want.

 

The long stiff socket slipped comfortably onto Callum’s left nub and its strap held it firmly to his shoulder. He had full range of movement. The hook swung around in the air, threatening, alarming, useless.

            – See if my chimney fits inside the hook.

 

Not only did it fit, it could have been specifically designed for the purpose. In a triumph of serendipity, the slightly irregular shape of the hook allowed the more perfectly circular profile of the gnarly chimney to work its way down the hook until it held the nearly twenty centimetre high pipe bowl. It was not gripped firmly but there was no chance of it slipping. Callum raised his stump for David to adjust the angle of the pipe’s stem to point towards Callum’s mouth. The confusion of hooks and enormous pipe lasted a few minutes until Callum declared himself satisfied and demonstrated how adept he suddenly was at smoking his impossibly heavy and demanding pipe. Instead of removing the pipe from the leather socketed hook, David removed the entire combination. When Callum wanted to smoke in future, he would wear his smoking prosthesis which his lover would fit.

 

Callum’s return did nothing to alter the devoted service provided by Costa. He was pleased to see the older partner again and feigned normality in order to hide his excited shock at seeing a real living example of the body modification which he rated most highly. He thought of it as almost armless. He continued to arrive every weekday morning at six fifteen for two hours.  He frequently suspected that David was completely capable of doing the morning routine with his hooks. In this he was correct, but David wanted to keep Costa around because he knew that however much Callum claimed the opposite, he was going to be severely disabled even with artificial limbs and David wanted someone else to act as scapegoat if things did not go as Callum intended. Instead, Costa and David were the first of thousands who came to regard Callum as one of the rare instances where a man with only short nubs left of his arms persevered until his lifestyle resembled that of any wealthy gentleman of leisure.

 

TRAILMAN